“But why should I have to do ‘X’ when I don’t feel like it?”
That is by far the single most expressed sentiment to excuse oneself from fulfilling obligations to others. Feelings have been elevated from the mercurial and temporary to positions of absolute truth and power. “I feel that…” is most always used when one actually is expressing thoughts, beliefs, opinions, guesses, and concerns.
One of the most typical problems in marriages is not religion, politics or finances – it’s the issue of sexuality. For the most part, the pattern is that a man and woman have a great out-of-wedlock sexual relationship, full of passion and spontaneity. Once married, and especially once children come on the scene, too many women “feel” less and less like being their husband’s lover and girlfriend. I have talked to hundreds, if not thousands, of women over the more than thirty years I’ve been on radio, and the story is always the same: “I’m just too tired…or…annoyed to feel like having sex.” I ask them what they expect their husbands to do. “Be understanding,” they say.
I then ask these wives if they would suggest their husbands take advantage of a hooker, Internet porn, or a girlfriend on the side to fulfill their needs for affection and sexual activity. Once I get their attention…I move on to several points:
1. If there is “too much on your plate,” cut stuff out.
You cannot properly maintain a marital relationship when you leave almost no time and energy for it. That means that full-time jobs, children, a home, and your parents and friends take up your life and leave no room for the man who would give his life for you. This is also a breach of your vows to love and honor.
2. There are lots of things you don’t feel like doing – but you do them anyway because you have obligations to others.
Your husband doesn’t feel like visiting your mother, taking you shopping, listening to your repetitive stories and gripes about your sister, going out for tampons, and so forth – but he does it anyway because he loves you. Imagine a world where everybody only did what they felt like doing???
3. I never wake up feeling like working out, but I get up anyway.
I put on my workout clothes, get some water, and start pumping weights. Once I get started, I feel very good about what I’m doing and how it is impacting my body. Well, once you get into foreplay, you’ll probably start getting into it too! That means you need to take a nice shower or bath, use some sweet-smelling perfume or body powder, put on something adorable and start flirting with your man – it won’t take long for you TO FEEL LIKE IT!
4. Life is short – never turn down a perfectly good orgasm- on your death bed, you’ll regret it.
There is hardly a better way to reconnect and reaffirm your love and attachment – this is the ultimate bonding technique.
5. You made vows to “love and cherish,” so do it or don’t expect much in return.
That means, don’t call me complaining about no Valentine’s or Anniversary present when you haven’t treated your man like your man and your lover. If you don’t make the effort to make him feel special to you – don’t expect it in return.