The Single/Unwed Mother Club Of America

I recently got an email from a first time “mom to be” about her experiences online as she attempted to find support and information from others in the same situation.  She was quite disturbed by what she found, and I offered her the opportunity to be this week’s “Guest Blogger” and share her comments with you:

Dr. Laura:

I cannot thank you enough for being a voice of reason these days.  It has recently hit home pretty hard about how “turned around” people have become in their thinking and the decisions they make.

I’m 6+ months pregnant with my first child, and was excited to join an online pregnancy club for my birth month.  I quickly became sickened as I read the threads that were being posted by other soon-to-be mothers.  I read thread after thread of mothers whose boyfriends were cheating on them, and they’d just complain and get sympathy from other soon-to-be mothers (and I use that word very lightly). 

The overall sympathetic message that kept reverberating was that it is never the woman’s fault, and they can’t help it that their child’s “sperm donor” is such a deadbeat.  They encourage each other with strong words and big talk about how they have more than enough love for their child and have absolutely NO need for a father.  They even have their own lovely support group for single/unwed mothers, to provide emotional support for these poor unwitting victims of sex. 

I tried to combat some of these women’s comments to no avail.  No matter what I posted about how life can be better, and we can make good decisions for our children and that there are other alternatives to give our children what they deserve (i.e., a two parent home), I kept getting absolutely lambasted from every direction:  attacked on all sides, called every name, my words twisted and distorted to make it seem like I was the most uncaring, unfeeling person in the world, and had nothing of value to say regarding families.  These women didn’t need a father to influence their children, period!  They certainly didn’t need me advocating the importance of fathers or pointing out that we are old enough to make good decisions – for example, not bed-hopping from one creep to another, hurting our children.  When I used my own wonderful husband as an example of the great guys that are out there, I was told to give my marriage more time, because it was certain not to last, and boy, then wouldn’t I feel stupid for my words!  This coming from the future mothers of America.

When did we all become victims?  When did we give up on making good decisions and become bodies just used for sex and ruining children’s lives?  I am sickened and disheartened, and I cannot wipe these “threads” from my mind.  I couldn’t imagine living the kind of lives they live – not out of self-righteousness, as they accuse me of and for which they spit on my ideals – but because life would be devoid of anything decent or holy.  I did not realize there was really that kind of emptiness and deprivation in our wonderful country.  I thank my parents for keeping me from that kind of a life.  Thank you, Dr. Laura, for being a beacon shining through the haze of this new America.  The “sperm donors” aren’t the ones who are really ruining our society.  The single/unwed mother club of America is robbing our future generations of life’s purpose, meaning, and love.

Elisabeth