Today, I’m turning my blog over to Lisa, a listener who wrote me the following email:
I called [your radio show] today to ask you about making dinner for my husband every night, and how I could get him to take a part in it. Your response was “make dinner every night.” When I got off the phone, I thought: ‘I don’t want to make dinner every night.’
I was one of those women [who] swore I would never not agree with you. Boy, it’s a little harder when you are the one getting advice! I have to admit, I was a bit ticked. I called you so you could tell me to have him make dinner, not for me to still be “stuck” with the responsibility.
As I sit here typing, I am laughing at myself. Silly, silly me! I had an epiphany. My epiphany came from you saying ‘We CHOOSE every day what we do,’ and I thought ‘Okay, then I will CHOOSE to do dinner every night’ as a way of saying ‘thank you’ to my hubby, who has always worked so hard to provide me a home, a safe place, and a caring heart. This wasn’t an acceptance of defeat [like] I had lost some battle.
What I had accomplished was CHOOSING my marriage. Not to pat myself on the back or to receive accolades for making dinner every night, but to CHOOSE the role of serving and loving my hubby in this area (i.e., food). Sometimes, roles are fun, adventurous, sexy and admired, and sometimes, those roles are the ‘make the dinner late, dust the house and clean the toilets when I’m so tired’ kind of roles.
I got really excited [about making] a fabulous meal, knowing that even without a ‘thank you,’ I would be CHOOSING to do this for him. I didn’t need a thank you, because I was seeing it as an accountability point. I chose my marriage, I chose to be a wife, I choose to work full time, I choose, I choose, I choose. The one thing I wasn’t choosing was being accountable for those choices. With choices come responsibility.
Countless friends and family have shown me the ‘don’t take that path’ way of being married. I don’t want to give 50% — I want to give 150% so that no woman will take that role away from me. I want to create a place that will be the only home he’ll ever come home to, the only lips he’ll ever kiss, the only laundromat he’ll ever take his clothes to….and while I’m at it, I might as well make some darn good dinners, even if it’s spaghetti with red sauce every night!
Thank you again for who you inspire women to become!