Monthly Archives: March 2009

“The Bachelor” Is NOT A Guide for Real Relationships

When the so-called “mainstream media” carries a story, one used to surmise that the information was actually important in some significant way to Americans.  We all know that’s largely untrue:  stories today are attempts to splash the water in your face to get attention for ratings and commercial time or space revenue.

ABC News actually had someone from their “ABC News Medical Unit” on to discuss the heartbreak of losing on the program The Bachelor.  It seems that this guy first announced that he was “hot” for one babe, but them changed his mind, season ending “cliff-hanger” style) and went for another babe.  He proposed, then changed his mind, and went back to the first of the two dumped babes. That set off fireworks with some silly blog site that targets I-don’t-know-what-kind-of-women who actually care about this pseudo-intimacy.

One of the dumb issues involved in this nonsense is that the babes have signed contracts that say they aren’t allowed to cry or whine about hurt feelings until the appropriate time in the unfolding saga.  They actually got “shrinks” to opine about the emotional and psychological damage that can be done to these silly babes (who I define as pretty women who exploit their looks and desire their 15 minutes of fame by going on these not-really-reality shows to find the love of their lives and the father of their future 84 children) if they don’t get to “vent” their hurt!

Oh, puleeze.  First of all, this guy shows all the bonding ability of a flea in heat; these girls act like it’s the end of the world if this “please me now/please me not” joker doesn’t want them.  Frankly, I think the jilted girl should go down on her knees and praise God that she won’t be stuck with this guy for five more minutes of her life…unless, of course, he changes his rotating little mind again.

The shrinks talk about serious consequences of getting to know someone and then getting excluded.  Let’s say the truth:  they all want to look good, win the money, get TV/movie/recording contracts and/or turn to modeling.  Getting dumped on TV is embarrassing, but throngs are willing to do so in order to get the brass rings the easy way.

If anyone thinks that these people are actually looking for or are capable of bonding with the permanent “love of their lives,” by going through this orchestrated “play-acting” on a television show, well, I’ve got a bridge to sell you…cheap.

Do any of these girls get carried away?  Probably.  Girls do that – they want to bond, nest, be told they’re beautiful and loved.  Women (as opposed to girls) know better than to think that getting a paycheck and free clothes and makeovers is the way to get that true love.

Quote of the Week

If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.
                 – Catherine Aird
                    British crime fiction novelist

Britney Spears and Kohl’s Team Up…To Subvert Morals

Kohl’s Department Store has signed a deal with Britney Spears for her to “represent” their Juniors clothing line – you know, the line for young girls.  Part of this deal is to promote her music and current tour.  Parents, here’s a sample of what Kohl’s sees as a great match for your daughter:

“Get Naked”
My body is calling out for you, bad boy
I get the feeling that I just want to be with ya’
Baby, I’m a freak and I don’t really give a damn
I’m crazy as a mother ‘effer’
Bet that on ya man

Get naked…would you mind?
Take it off (I took it off)
Get naked.

Her so-called “Circus” tour is highlighted on YouTube.  Ya gotta love the guys in leather thongs and those tassel pasties she sports.  Frankly, she makes Madonna’s Virgin tour look downright virginal.

Kohl’s Department Store must know that:
* Her first marriage lasted 55 hours.
* Her second marriage lasted a bit longer
* She posed in the nude for Harper’s Bazaar
* She flashed a naked crotch at photographers getting out of her car
* She has been busted for drug use
* She lost custody of her children because of child endangerment issues
* And on and on….just the role model for our young daughters of today.

Did you know that Spears was named the “Most Searched Person” in the Guinness Book of World Records in 2007 and 2009?  Kohl’s probably thinks that “attention is attention” – what the hell if it sells junior-size schmatas?

One of my listeners wrote a letter of complaint to Kohl’s, stating that she is “very sad to learn Britney Spears is a part of your store.  She has had such troubles and still is not in charge of her life, nor has she been found competent to raise her own kids.   You have elected to reward her and flaunt her irresponsible behavior.  We will no longer shop at Kohl’s.”

I read the (probably) form letter that Kohl’s wrote in response, which purported to “regret that you have concerns regarding this decision.  Ms. Spears is an international celebrity and pop culture icon who embodies the spirit of the Candie’s brand and personifies the iconic ‘Candie’s Girl:’  flirty, self-confident, and stylish.”

Their letter goes on to say that Britney has a right to privacy (are you kidding?  Twisting tongues with Madonna on a stage demonstrates a desire for privacy??), and her personal life does not reflect the views of Kohl’s Department Stores.

Flirty, self-confident and stylish?  How ’bout “piggish, out of control, and irresponsible parent?”  She is, however, PAYING Kevin Federline (a/k/a “Daddy”) some $5,000 per week while she blasts around with this vulgar tour which should make billions.

How stupid does Kellogg’s now feel for dumping Michael Phelps for sucking up pot through a bong?  They actually thought that values, character and role-model responsibilities mean something!  Silly, silly them.

You parents ultimately decide where your children shop and what they buy.  Try being responsible and stand up for values. 

Bribery?! Haven’t We Been There, Done That?

The Health section of The New York Times on March 2 debated the usefulness of bribing school children with money, toys, candy and electronic gizmos to have them attain better grades.

When I was in school, it was cute stickers and the pride of getting a good grade that you could brag about that made your parents all sorts of happy.  The good grade was the proximate award for all the hard work.  Getting the reputation as being smart was a good thing, and becoming valedictorian was great, as was qualifying for scholarships of all sizes for college.  Spending a lifetime knowing you worked hard and earned what you had the hard way was the long-term reward.

Now, some geniuses want to rob children of all of that.  These greater minds than ours want children to fight for things of substance (money) rather than for things of glory (purpose).  Not all endeavors have a high rate of financial return:  a hospice worker helps the dying and their families face their fears of death; a fireman runs into burning buildings to save complete strangers from a horrible death; kindergarten teachers introduce our children to the world of budding independence, self-confidence, social maneuvering and the alphabet…and that’s only a few examples.

Frankly, we need more kind and compassionate people than we do more “A” students in this world, as it turns out that the greatest thieves (many CEOs, crooked politicians and Ponzi scheme giants), terrorist masterminds, and general sociopaths all have very high IQ levels and got great grades.

How about us giving financial rewards, candy and electronic gizmos to kids who go out of their way not to bully, tease, steal, lie, sexually harass, or sexually act-out?  Or to those who won’t drink or take drugs or steal or backtalk their elders? 

Would that work, I wonder?

Too Much Information

We’ve all experienced it at one time or another – being around someone who just spills too much personal information, and you just want to “get outta there.”  I heard from a listener who was in the middle of this type of situation, and that’s when I remembered that I had encountered someone just like that when I was in school.   To find out what to do when you’re on the receiving end of T.M.I., just watch:

Video: TMI! Helping Those Who Give Too Much Information

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

You Are NOT The World

A frequent caller “issue” is this: someone in the family has died, and somehow, in the midst of everyone’s grief, the caller has the time and energy to put anger and resentment toward someone who did not write, call, send flowers, show up, nor acknowledge the events in any way.

Well of course this sounds strange, and perhaps even insensitive or even hostile, but there usually is another side to the story.  The caller never seems to have any information or insight which might explain why this happened, and I’m left with a suggestion that they simply call or visit and see “what’s up.”  This is generally met with even more anger as though I’m putting some extra burden on them when indeed they’re the one who has been hurt or slighted.

There are two explanations for this situation:
First: when we are emotionally devastated by some sort of hurt or loss, it is not unusual (since we feel so out of control of our life’s circumstances) to focus all of that pain towards something that we perceive as a slight.  The “offending” person literally becomes a kind of emotional dumping ground for all our chaotic and excruciating feeling.  In other words, we displace our grief into anger at someone or something concrete, because events often are not within our control.

Second: sometimes, in our hurt, we feel unique and the center of the universe.  Our pain is the only pain that matters or, at least, it is the worst pain imaginable and we expect everyone to care and be solicitous of us.  When someone has issues in their own lives, we resent even having to consider that as important, and we can’t imagine that interfering with our needs (or narcissistic vision of the world).

For the sake of compassion, let us consider the “first” understanding as the most typical and powerful motivation and re-direct our energies into helping others who are suffering the loss right along with you – and not worry about others whose stories we simply don’t know.