Monthly Archives: April 2010

The Ride of My Life

Last week, I took part in my first international ocean sailboat race.  There were six of us in a narrow, 42-foot sailboat with teams working around the clock in shifts of four hours awake and four hours trying to nap, unless we had to do a sail change, in which case it was everybody up on deck.

I did this because I wanted an adventure, and I got it:  whales, dolphins, sharks, flying fish (we tried – and failed – to catch a fish for dinner), and giant sea turtles.  The race covered 850 miles from Newport Beach, California to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.  The days before we launched, I have to admit that I was afraid.  The days after we finished….well, I was transformed.  My most vivid memory is racing the last ten miles in the moonlight with a brisk wind:  I was steering with tears running down my face because I was so moved by the whole experience.

Facing fears and enduring hardships changes you in a very good way.  When you know you can get through extraordinary challenges, it makes everyday issues “mellow out.”

I want to thank my crew:  Kevin Miller (tactician), Eric Bohman (navigator), Kit Will (one of the stars of Morning Light), Sam Solhaug, and Paul Wolthausen for the ride of my life!

Dr. Laura Skippers Warrior to Finish First Overall in Cabo
from left to right:
Sam Solhaug, Paul Wolthausen, Eric Bohman, Dr. Laura, Kevin Miller, Kit Will

Wives Not Interested in Sex

I hear from (and about) a lot of women who say they’re not interested in sex, and they are married to men who vowed fidelity, and so those men are now literally out in the cold.

Many women can be quite cruel about their behavior:  telling their husbands to “just deal with it” or challenge them into getting a “girlfriend.”  These same women may throw a fit if their husband pleasures himself while watching Internet pornography consisting of a man and a woman engaged in passionate sex.

Sheesh!  They can’t have it both ways, unless women expect their men to bust their buns taking care of children and a wife without the normal, expected “reward” of love and passion.

Some women have medical issues which cut down on their feeling sexy, but not many medical issues truly inhibit women from pleasing their husbands, and then discovering themselves getting “turned on” in the process.

Most of the time, too many wives just get lazy and self-centered about taking care of their romantic and sexual lives because of kids’ schedules, friends and relatives, and “busy busy” stuff that just consumes every ounce of their energy.  Let’s be honest – that’s an excuse and not a real reason.  You can pace yourself and make choices.  Many women don’t bother, and feel that the sexual needs of their husbands are burdens to them and not a compliment or offer of ecstasy.

Interestingly, many of these women are the ones who call me, complaining that their husbands don’t do much for them on Valentine’s Day, or birthdays and anniversaries.  Are you kidding?  What is he to celebrate?  Marriage and family have turned him into an asexual monk!

Women’s sexuality requires “priming,” while guys are just about always “ready to roll.”  A lot of that priming has to happen in her head:  thinking affectionately about sensual things, bathing, primping and flirting – the kinds of things wives tend to leave at the altar or in the birthing room.

I have come to feel sorry for husbands in general in America today.  The feminist mentality that has labeled any male needs as “oppression” has certainly poisoned a lot of minds out there.

If you think you’re one of those, or if you need your attitude jump-started, read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.  It’s helped a lot of women get happier.

Quote of the Week

The joyful news that He is risen does not change the contemporary world.  Still before us lie work, discipline, sacrifice.  But the fact of Easter gives us the spiritual power to do the work, accept the discipline, and make the sacrifice.
               – Rt. Rev. Henry Knox Sherrill
                  President of the National Council of Churches USA, 1950-1952

April 4 is Easter Sunday.

Recovery from Addiction Is a Choice

I have railed since day one when clinicians started calling bad choices and bad habits “diseases.”

The good news about calling alcohol and drug abuses “diseases” is that clinicians and others can reap financial rewards by charging insurance for their “medical” intervention.

The bad news about calling substance abuse a “disease” is that the individual is robbed of his real ability to exercise choice and self-control, and such labeling puts the onus on society to give that individual a “pass” on taking responsibility for the consequences of the addiction.

There is considerable proof that addiction is a choice:  the book “Addiction: A Disorder of Choice,” by Gene M. Heyman, Harvard University Press, demonstrates many of them. 

For example:  in 1970, it was determined that between 10% and 25% of enlisted Army men were addicted to high-grade Vietnamese heroin and opium.  When they were told they couldn’t come home without being drug-free, the vast majority stopped using narcotics as the word of the new directive spread.  The vast minority who were detained for detoxification programs were clean when given a second chance.  Only 12% of soldiers who were dependent on opiate narcotics in Vietnam became re-addicted at some point in the next three years.

The point is that calling alcohol or drug abuse a “disease” takes away from the individual the respect for his or her ability to choose.  Every behavior we have is somehow tied to genetics and the brain.  That doesn’t make it a disease unless the individual has no choice.  Alzheimer ‘s disease gives you no choice.  Multiple sclerosis gives you no choice.  Alcohol abuse is a choice.

Addicts are drawn to drug abuse to salve depression, anxiety, boredom, and self-loathing.  At the start of their addiction, they feel great, short-term, and they start giving up the joy in work, hobbies, family and friends.  After a while, they need the drug to salve psychic pain (which is now increasing with the collapse of other factors in their lives), suppress withdrawal symptoms, and eliminate the craving.  At some point, when these benefits come to be outweighed by the adverse fallout the balance shifts, and the addict chooses recovery.

The concept of disease includes the obliteration of choice-making ability.  Fortunately, addicts can make a choice, and congratulations are in order to those who do!