Single Parenthood By Choice

I often get fascinating letters and emails from listeners to my radio program. 

Dr. Laura:
Recently, I was invited to join a group in support of removing Father’s and Mother’s Day celebrations in public schools.  Upon looking further into this group, I found that the founder of this group was a single mom “by choice,” and was angry her child was being made to feel bad because the other children have daddies, and hers does not.  I wanted to send you the email I sent her:

I think you should seriously consider shutting down this group.  I find
it interesting  you “chose” single parenthood for your child, but are not punishing those who did not for YOUR decision.  The majority of children have a mother and father and those who don’t will have to learn to deal with disappointment and adapt.  You act as though she shouldn’t have to learn to deal with disappointment, but in order to become a productive adult, she will.  Sadly, this disappointment was thrust upon her by you.  Instead of sitting down with her like an adult and explaining why she doesn’t have a father and why you chose that life for you, you are placing the blame on the school system for making her feel bad and putting her in an uncomfortable situation.  You do realize Father’s Day isn’t the only time she’ll be reminded she has no father, right?  By making this subject taboo, you are making her feel further alienated and, in the same breath, telling her you made a decision for her that was wrong.  Make up your mind.  Either you did this by choice and are willing to deal with the consequences, or you are embarrassed by the situation you are in and you want to cover up your mistake so your daughter doesn’t have to know.  Grow up and take ownership of your choices.

S.

I cannot tell you how happy I was to read this.  I hope that you are taking stands whenever you see people deconstructing the family to permit themselves the freedom to do whatever the hell they want.

The woman referred to in this letter, like so many others, decided :  “I want a kid.”  “I want a kid” – not “Gee, I’d really like to be a Mom.  What’s in the best interest of a child?”  How about a mom and a dad, married, and no daycare?  No.  It was just what “I” want for this woman.  So with this group, she has tried to deconstruct the family in the public schools by saying there’s no Mother’s or Father’s Day – it’s all irrelevant – trying to cover up that she knows she did something wrong to her kid, by intentionally robbing her child of a father, for her own selfish needs.  And our society is giving all of that a pass:  “anything you want to call ‘family’ is a family.” 

It appears that it doesn’t matter what a kid needs.  It just matters what the adults want.