Monthly Archives: July 2013

My Toddler Won’t Share

If you’re embarrassed, angry, or frustrated about your toddler not sharing, I’ll let you in on a little secret:

Little kids don’t share!

When human children are born, they are virtually helpless and their brains are barely ready to do anything.  Newborns can’t talk, knit, type or use an iPhone. They can’t even roll over.  Their brains continue to develop after they are born, which is why one day they can pick their nose, but the day before they couldn’t (all the synapses for nose picking got completed). For the first six or seven years of a child’s development, their brain is furiously trying to make connections so they can do all the things humans do.

So, when you parents get crazed and demented about your 2- and 3-year-olds not sharing, you’re the one with the problem, not them.  Kids at that age play parallel. They don’t have impulse control, they’re very territorial, they want what they want, and they don’t play well with each other. Those developmental stages take time. Kids don’t share until they are about 7 because their brains are not yet wired for it.

I’ve heard parents contest, “Well, what we do is sit with our 1 1/2-year-old, and when they hand something back to us, we say, ‘Yay, that was so nice!’, and smile and make it a big deal.” But that is not sharing. If another kid comes into the room and takes that same thing, it’s blood in the water.  You can tell your toddler all you want how nice sharing is, but given a chance to split something equally, they won’t.

So what should you do when other kids come over?  Put out a ton of toys.  Stop screaming, threatening, spanking, and going crazy because you’re embarrassed that your 12-month-old is not acting like they’re 12.  Wait until they are 7. By then, they will have the pre-frontal lobe development and maturation necessary to actually share. If after the age of 7 your kid is a little brat that never wants to share, that’s a different issue, but until then, get off their case and relax.

Is an Office Romance a Good Idea?

About 75 percent of office romances don’t survive. However, a small percentage do. Here are the pros and cons of dating a coworker:

Pros:

  • If you’ve had a hard day, he or she will get it because you work at the same place.   
  • You get to see them – a lot.  It’s very sweet to see each other at the water cooler and touch fingers.  (Although, I’m not entirely sure this should be on the “pros” list because couples do need breaks from each other. However, it’s a pro in the beginning of a relationship when you feel like you need to be in each other’s pockets all day).  
  • You get to learn a lot about them in different circumstances with colleagues, pressure, etc.
  • You have one more thing in common because you’re both experiencing the same work environment.
  • If you or your boyfriend or girlfriend are having some troubles at work, you can give each other advice because you both know the atmosphere.

That being said, office romances require two incredibly mature people, and the odds of two incredibly mature people being in the same place at the same time is not great.  So let’s move on to the cons.

Cons:

  • Gossip: You think it was tough in high school?  Everybody is going to notice.  You’re going to become part of a scenario of guilt, discomfort, and sibling rivalry. And, most importantly, the soap opera will distract you from what you’re there to do – work!
  • Whenever you fight, going to work won’t be a haven. Instead, it will be yet another place to be aggravated (but you still have to act civilly – good luck!)
  • Envy. If you’re dating a superior, be prepared for office envy. Other people are going to have a hard time with it because they will assume that you have perks they don’t, and that’s not good for business. 
  • You see them all the time. The flipside of seeing each other all the time is that you’re seeing each other ALL the time, which can create its own stresses.
  • If the relationship goes south, you’ll still be in close proximity to each other, which may be uncomfortable.

As I said before, office romances only make it about 25 percent of the time, so statistically, you are taking a big risk.  In my case, it did work.  My husband and I both taught at a major university, and we fell into the small percentage that makes it happen.  However, I still wouldn’t recommend it because we were in the minority.  Frankly, I would go elsewhere if I were you.