A recent study out of UC Berkeley found that wives matter more when it comes to resolving marital spats. I couldn’t help but laugh. Duh! It’s not exactly a new discovery that women hold most of the power in a relationship. Why? Consider this typical husband and wife exchange:
Wife: “I’m having a problem with someone at work.”
Husband: “Well, I think this is what you ought to do.”
Wife: “I don’t want you to solve it. I want you to listen to me. I want you to hear my feelings!”
Male and female brains are wired very differently. Men are problem solvers. Women, on the other hand, are more verbal and don’t like anybody to fix their problems. Instead, they want to talk about their pain and upset feelings.
This is why women have more influence over arguments in their marriages. Because men think in terms of solutions rather than feelings, if a woman cuts the emotion and approaches her husband with a plan, things become a lot more manageable.
In addition, women have more power in a marriage because men are very dependent on feminine approval. It starts out with their mothers and later comes in the form of sex with their wives. By contrast, women get their approval from their mothers, sisters, and girlfriends. Men are much more emotionally reliant on women than women on men. This is one of the reasons why after a death or divorce, men find somebody else much quicker.
So, for all you women who want to have more satisfaction in your marriages, stop talking for a moment and come up with one or two potential solutions to the problem. Suddenly, you and your husband will be talking instead of yelling. If you pull your emotional act together, things will go better.