Category Archives: Abstinence

When Someone Believes in You

There’s an interesting program at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro that aims to keep 12 to 18 year old girls in school, minus the sad drama of pregnancies or abortions.

The program is sponsored by College Bound Sisters.  Girls in the program attend 90-minute meetings every week, at which they receive lessons in abstinence and the use of contraceptives, and they receive one dollar per day that they are not pregnant.  The money is deposited into a fund that’s available for collection when they enroll in college.

Obviously, there are many who will say “Hey, bribery is not the correct way to handle such behavioral issues.”  But slow down and think about it – when a 12 year old believes that one dollar a day is a great incentive, it tells you two things:

1. the gentle maturity level of such young girls
2. how so very many young girls are hungry for direction

Keep in mind that 3 out of 10 young women become pregnant by age 20, and the costs associated with teen pregnancies exceed $9 BILLION annually.

So, what’s their track record?  According to the co-director of the program, 6 of the 125 who have been enrolled for 6 months or longer have gotten pregnant or otherwise dropped out since it began in 1997 (and it only costs $75,000 – not billion – to operate the program).  Recent graduates have left the program with up to $3,000 saved up for college.  Basically, the representatives of the program say “If someone believes in you, there’s no end to what a lot of people can accomplish.”

This reminds me of a patient I had years ago, who went from “ditzy” behavior and drug addiction to clean and sober.  She completed college and advanced nursing training, and has been employed ever since.  A little ego in me caused me to ask here, “What made the difference here?”  I thought she’d point out some brilliant intervention of mine.  Nope, not at all.  She pointed out that I had believed in her when no one else did, that she had respected me, and I respected her potential.  That made the difference in her outlook and choices.

So, when you’re confused as to how to really help someone, just believe in them, and let them know it.

The Pope, The Rabbi and Condoms

During his recent African trip, Pope Benedict XVI said that the distribution of condoms would not resolve the AIDS problem.  The Pope has made it clear that abstinence is going to be the best way to fight AIDS.

Google “Pope” and “condoms,” and you’ll never run out of reading material excoriating the man for his observation and opinion.  Many health advocates have gone ballistic in their criticism of his comments.  They feel it is one thing to promote abstinence as part of the Catholic religion, but that it is an entirely different thing to preach it to the world.

On a person-by-person basis, wearing a condom does, of course, offer some protection against contracting various venereal diseases and (of course) unwanted pregnancy.  It is also true that condoms sometimes break, slip, or are put on incorrectly (taut to the very end).  Everything has its limitations…except abstinence.

I remember listening to a rabbi describing a situation that occurred to his kosher family.  His 7 year old child was invited to a birthday party for a classmate at one of those fast-food hamburger establishments.  When he came to pick up his child at the end of the party, one of the mothers – clearly annoyed – chastised him for the pain he caused his son.  “All the children had hamburgers, chicken nuggets, french fries and dessert, and your little boy had to sit there and eat none of it.  Imagine how terrible your son must have felt?  How could you do this to him?  Food is food.  There is nothing sinful about food.  What you are doing to him is just cruel.”  Just about at the end of her tirade, his son bounded up to him, gave him a huge hug around the waist, and said “I had a great time.  This was a fun party.”

The woman blanched and walked away.  The rabbi followed her and gently told her the following:  animals will eat whatever is around, even if it will make them unhealthy.  Humans are to rise above animals and become masters of their urges.  Imagine my son in a dorm room where harmful illicit drugs are being passed about.  We already know that peer pressure and urges will not force him to relent and give in to the impulse.  Learning at his early age to control impulse and desire is not a harmful trait – many times, it might be a life-saving one.  Look at him.  He enjoyed the company of your son and the rest of the children without giving up his values.  He looks happy and satisfied.  We really need to bring up our children to be masters of their instincts, not slaves to them, don’t you think?
The woman scowled, but listened to him.

Yes, in any one instance, a condom could protect, but in the overall scheme of humanity, why do so many people wish to push away the enormous protective power of moral values?

When the Pope suggests that human beings are best off saving their sexual passion for the stability of a covenant of marriage, he is making a statement that the act of sexuality is elevated by the context, and ultimately protects both man and woman from a myriad of hurtful consequences from venereal diseases to unwanted pregnancies (complete with abortions, abandonment, single-parenthood, and homelessness to name a few).

The naysayers all have one thing in common:  they refuse to want, believe or accept that human beings can commit to a higher spiritual state of thought and behavior.  The Pope believes in us more than that.

I am not Catholic, so this is no knee-jerk defense of my spiritual leader.  The truth is that he is simply correct and too many people don’t want to hear it, because they want to live lives unfettered by rules.  It is sad that they don’t realize that this makes them a slave to animal impulse versus a master of human potential.