The Opposite of Bridezilla

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Six days before Teanne Harris of Chicago was to walk down the aisle in a glorious white gown, her fiance called off the nuptials.

When Harris and her mom went to the catering hall to cancel the reception, they were told that their deposit was nonrefundable. 

Now, between being dumped at the altar and not getting her money back, I would expect a screaming meemee, locking herself in the bathroom, ripping up every picture of the two of them, screaming to all her friends, getting drunk, not showering - you know, the usual melodrama.

Not Ms. Harris!  Leaving the catering hall, she noticed the Asbury Court Retirement Community across the street.  So, instead of letting her Halloween-themed wedding reception go to waste, she decided to move the party to the retirement home, where more than 300 residents attended the party.

Harris had her bridal bouquet placed in the retirement home’s chapel. 

She also went on the Hawaii trip anyway…the trip that was meant to be her honeymoon.

All I can say about this story is that she is a magnificent, spiritual human being, and the joker who left her did her a favor.  I’m sure she’ll find a real man worthy of her mature and generous spirit.

Inspiration from a Teenager

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The Hartford Courant recently published an essay by Justin Verrier on a Connecticut female teenage swimmer.  “After swimming laps at a recent practice in the Glastonbury High School pool, Rachel Grusse told her coach, Suzi Hoyt, her shoulder felt sore.  Hoyt responded as she always does to such concerns by her swimmers, instructing Grusse to put on flippers and ‘kick for a little while’ to rest her arms.  ‘I just looked up at her and told her, Um…I don’t think I can do that, Grusse said, smiling.”

Remember the word smiling.  When Grusse was 16 months old, it was discovered that she was born without a spleen, and she contracted a form of bacterial pneumonia that cut off the blood flow to her extremities, which resulted in the cutting off of her legs at the base of her knees, as well as the last joint of her fingers.

Now, many teenage girls with just a few pimples would hide in their bedrooms, but not Rachel.  With the help of prosthetic legs, she has participated in all types of sports, including soccer and, most recently, wheelchair basketball, but swimming is her passion.  Since she has to rely on her upper body for swimming, she does a lot of upper body strengthening, like…walking on her hands!

Her comment?  “I’ve just heard some people say that I’m an example to other kids.  But to me, I don’t feel like I’m any different.  I’m just doing what I can, and doing the best that I can.“

She swims against “normal” swimmers and rarely wins, but she loves the sport anyway.

She swims against others who are disabled and often places, but not always, and she loves the sport anyway. 

Since she has no memory of having had legs, for her, it is kind of “normal” - the real amazing quality of hers is her attitude to just do what she can and do the best that she can.

Disabled or not, that is the winning attitude in life that ultimately brings you happiness.  She does what she loves and does the best she can at it.  Period.  There is a lesson in that for everyone.

Live Out Loud

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Mice kept on a diet that is healthy (but absolutely no fun at all) in which their caloric intake was restricted to only 70% of what’s considered “normal” lived 30 to 40% longer than the usual lifespan.  The only downside of this restriction was that the mice were less fertile than their non-restricted counterparts. 

Most people can’t restrict calories for long, so, according to the New York Times, scientists are trying to find a drug that tricks the body into thinking it’s eating fewer calories.  The problem is that all of these restricted calorie experiments are done on captive mice, who are selected for quick breeding and who are fed on rich diets.  A low-calorie diet could be much closer to the diet that mice are adapted to in the wild, extending their life simply because it is much healthier for them.  Mice don’t live that long, anyway.  Humans have a longer life span, and that extended duration of time on the planet leaves us more vulnerable to cancers.

So, after 20 years of experimenting with caloric restriction on monkeys in captivity, studies found the monkeys were healthier (i.e., they had fewer incidents of diabetes, cancer, and heart disease), but their life span was not significantly longer.  Eating more prudently than we generally do, therefore, was good for quality of life, but not for quantity of life.

And that’s the point of my taking on this issue in the first place.  People call my radio program knowing they’re probably going to die of some particular terminal disease they have.  They call me, because they’re spending each day suffering emotionally over the realization that they will soon be dead.  My response to one woman in this situation was to wake up each morning and yell out loud:  “Damn - I’m not dead!  Today, I’m gonna LIVE OUT LOUD!!!”  The point of our being upset about death is the realization that we’ve lost all we value in life.  So, take each day that you’re not dead to live life to the fullest.  Enjoy that day you’re not dead.  Don’t waste one precious moment of it.

Come to think of it, that’s good advice for everyone, since at different times, and at different rates, we’re all terminal.  Don’t waste one minute of life.

Live Like You Were Dyin’

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This is a short (and not so sweet) blog.  Recently, I found out that a couple I know have been dealt a terrible blow.  Beginning last January, the husband noticed his wife stopped doing her complicated crossword puzzles.  Now he’s dealing with the fact that the love of his life has Stage IV Alzheimer’s disease.  While it is unusual for all of this to evolve so quickly, the horrible reality is that they have to deal with this news at a time in their lives when their only concern should be thinking of having fun with their grandchildren.

Also not long ago, I read a letter on my radio program from a woman who commented about a caller who complained that her husband wasn’t willing or able to properly install their child’s car seat.  The letter writer told a story about her own family - her husband, also, struggled to properly secure their child’s car seat.  Then, not long after doing so, a huge truck “T-boned” their car and killed her husband, injuring his wife (who was the one who wrote to me), but leaving uninjured their 2½ year old child who was saved because of the properly secured car seat.

The lesson here?  You NEVER know what the day is going to bring.  For those of you who work so hard to preserve the hate and hurt from your past (so much so that the present is ruined, and the future automatically looks bleak), hear me out now:

 Today really is the first day of the rest of your life.
 Today, YOU are the architect of your life
 Today is the day available to enjoy the blessings you do have.

There may not be a tomorrow.  Don’t live as though you had all eternity to get fit, stop smoking, and give up abusing drugs, alcohol or food.  Be nice to others, work hard at something, give of yourself to someone else, and let go of excuses and “blaming” behavior.  You don’t have all eternity.  You only know for sure that you have right now.

Don’t waste it.

Unbelievable Feminista Hogwash About Quality Husbands

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A female professor from Oxford University in England, in an article published in the Journal of Population Economics, has decided that American and British men (who don’t mind lending a hand when it comes to housework), make the best husbands, while Australian men are the worst.  She’s also “decided” that Norway, Sweden, and Northern Ireland, where men “lend a hand in housework,” are egalitarian countries which produce better husbands.

I say:  unbelievable feminista hogwash!!  The professor’s definition of a good husband is ridiculous.  Men who are sexually faithful, who work hard to provide for and protect their families, who take care of the plumbing and the lawn are not good husbands, because they don’t do what used to be called “women’s work.”  This is just one more salvo in the war against masculinity, in which men are completely emasculated because they’re told that they’re neither good men nor good husbands unless they fold the laundry.

When women call me complaining about such things (usually women who are at home), I ask them if they drive their husband’s route in traffic every day, or if they deal with difficult bosses or co-workers, or if they aren’t able to take breaks whenever they choose or take care of all the car and house repair issues.  They say “no,” but expect him to do housework in addition to all his other responsibilities.

In those situations where both husband and wife have full-time jobs, and there’s a “war” about who’s going to take care of household chores, I say they should budget and pay for part-time housecleaning help, or one of them ought to reassess their life and decide if having no one at home to make a nest is worth the money they both make.

There are biological and psychological imperatives in females for nesting/child care, and in males for conquering/protecting.  When these are turned inside out, there is usually (but not always) a reaction in the female to feel less respectful and sexual toward her mate.  Women don’t stare at skinny guys with spectacles when they walk by, but they do stare at Bowflex-toned commercial male actors with huge pecs and biceps.  Why?  It’s the animal attraction of a male who, potentially, is sexually healthy enough to produce offspring and then provide and protect.

Women who want emasculated men generally have huge hostility issues with masculinity (which they got from their mothers or the feminist teachers of their women’s studies courses), and want to be able to control the man (never as much as their mother could) or are just too scared of their normal natural dependency on a real man.

A better study would be to find out what household situations make MEN happiest, because those are the ones which, overall, are going to attract the men who make the best husbands.  Happy husbands spend more time with their families, and would swim through shark-infested waters for them.  This particular study?   Just another piece of feminist propaganda flotsam.

I Tidied Up My Point of View

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When my now 6′3″ son was a little guy, housework was secondary in priority to interacting with him.  One of my most wonderful memories is of taking him on a walk (and pulling him in his Radio Flyer-like wagon) to the huge parking lot of the local Target.  I would put him in one of the shopping carts, and run like mad, twisting and turning and twirling the cart until he whooped with delight.  This would go on for the better part of an hour.  Thinking back, I got a good aerobic exercise workout, and he got a Disneyland-like ride.  At the time, though, it was just about having fun together.

One of the constant complaints I get (especially from at-home moms), is about the drudgery of housework, particularly about how it is never-ending and repetitive.  Frankly, I liked knowing the parameters involved with housework:  bathrooms, kitchen, and washing and folding laundry.  Folding laundry was my meditative exercise.  I found it quite relaxing.

Attitude is the essential issue in dealing with anything in life.  I had a recent caller to my radio program who was still working through her rotten childhood by yelling and being physical with her kids…but in a bad way.  After a bit of a lecture from me on finally having fun in her life, and my giving her examples of getting kids to do things (like putting toys away or getting their pajamas on) with fun (complete with giggles and applause), she wrote me back and thanked me.  Then I received this email from another listener:

I am in the middle of three loads of laundry (I have four boys ages 7,10, 12 and 14, so I have a lot of laundry), and wanted to thank you for being my “housework buddy.”  You may not realize it, but you’ve been helping me with my housework for the last 3 months.  How?  I’ve always hated and avoided doing housework, because I never saw the value in it.  Instead, I took part-time jobs while the kids were in school and hired a housekeeper once a week.  While she put a dent in the mess, there was still a lot of housework left, and I asked my full-time working husband to help out on the weekend.  This meant that our weekends weren’t much fun.

After listening to you talk to a caller about what a great gift she was giving her family by keeping the house neat, I decided to devote the three hours you’re on the air to housework.  I can now happily listen to you from any room in the house.  While I still don’t enjoy housework, my family and I do enjoy having a clean, well-organized home.  And we have a lot more fun on the weekend.  So, thank you for being my “housework buddy” and keeping me company while I work!

Debra
San Diego

Everything we do is of value, even if it is the same thing every day (which, of course, it doesn’t have to be).  Creativity in how we approach situations changes everything about how we feel and how much we appreciate life, love, and family.  So, whatever it is you have to do, find a way to make it fun.