Good Old Olympics Grit

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I’ve said it many times before:  I admire GRIT.  Smarts and abilities are not enough.  They need to be riveted to grit. 
        
Grit got Seth Wescott a gold medal in the finals of the men’s snowboard cross at the Vancouver Olympics, where many others would have slid into oblivion.
        
He started out badly.  In his qualifier, he slipped and spun 360 degrees and ultimately ended up ranked 17th out of 32 athletes to start the heats - which meant that he wouldn’t get a good lane choice. 
        
Instead of moaning and complaining, or losing his motivation, he told himself:  “OK, I’m going to have to work damned hard for this.”
        
At the starting gate in the finals, he said something to himself like “You’ve got to go get this one.”
        
He was last from the start, BUT he managed to come home to Maine, as an Olympic gold medalist for the second time.
        
He didn’t think of anything but the moment and the moves - no looking back with dismay, no beating himself up, and no giving up.  THAT is my definition of an Olympic athlete!

And, obviously, I’m writing this story because this is the way you should approach everything in life!

The Benefits of Flirting

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I got a wonderful email from Sylvia, which I want to share with you all:
 
Dr. Laura:
 
This is a lesson my mother taught me, but I thought you would approve of her very good advice.
 
I am a southern “belle.”  Though I have lived all over the world and do not possess the characteristic lilting southern drawl, I am, in fact, a belle through and through.  When raised as a girl in the south, you learn (amongst other things) a true appreciation of the beauty and power of words.  We southern girls are thoroughly schooled in the art and craft of words.  We learn, very young, how to paint a picture with words.  We learn to exploit the rhythm and cadence of language.  We speak softly in order to draw in our listener (thus focusing all attention on ourselves).  Really - who doesn’t like a whisper?  We speak slowly, because anticipation makes everything more enjoyable.  Really - who doesn’t like to be made to wait…just a little?
 
I will often send my husband an email designed to make the air around him stand still.  I can still make his mouth water with just words.  I can make his mind linger and dwell on me all day, with just a softly spoken sentence as he leaves for work in the morning.  Sometimes, in the afternoon, I’ll call him up just to say “I was daydreaming about you just now.  I was remembering how sweet you are and how you still make my heart beat faster.”  This is not just some idle exercise.  This is the ultimate investment in my family.  This is what makes my husband anxious to get home to me, even after fifteen years.
 
Through flirting, I reap a harvest of sweetness, kindness, gentleness and playfulness.  Flirting is a gift we give to each other. It keeps alive the sweetness and excitement of our early dating days.  Flirting is like a gentle touch.  It is stroking the ego of the one you love.  It is titillation pure and simple.  It is foreplay with words and humor.  Flirting is the secret that all other women know.  Flirting is the difference between “ho-hum” and “hot!”  It is something you miss when it’s lacking and you often don’t even realize it.  Flirting captures the mind, and where the mind goes, the body soon follows.
 
So ladies, flirt with your husband.  Here, let me help you out:  send an email to the one you love today and simply say “I thought of you today.  I thought that if you were a book, then I would like to read you and re-read you, over and over again.”
 
You see, when you give sweetness, you get so much more back.

There’s No Time Like The Present

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A few months ago, I saw the movie “The Bucket List.”  It’s about these two older guys who, presumably, are terminally ill, and one of them mentions a “kick the bucket list,” meaning that you make a list of all the things you want to do before you die (and then, hopefully, go do them).  The movie is interesting and well done, and well worth seeing.  It stars Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson.

Since then, I’ve had some thoughts on and off about the concept, and decided that I don’t want to have a bucket list when my time comes close.  I want to do and see and say and experience the things that matter to me waaaaay before they become an almost-Last Supper moment.  So I’ve been going over in my mind what it is that I would put on that list.  And I’m happy to say……nothing.

I wanted an adventure on the high seas, so with a crew of experienced sailors, I’m going to be doing just that in mid-March, when we race from Los Angeles to Cabo San Lucas in Mexico.  It will take about four days or so, and we have to work, sleep, and eat in shifts 24 hours per day of sailing.  It will be grueling, cold, and sometimes scary at night if the winds are up.  The food will be “ucky,” and there won’t be hot showers or heated blankets.  And yet, I can’t wait, because it’s an ADVENTURE!  It pushes my limits and challenges me in new ways.  It’s good to have adventures, as long as you don’t ignore your responsibilities, and enjoy the challenges that are there.

Day-to-day experiences and routines can get monotonous - that’s just life.  So don’t wait.  Come up with your own adventure (camping with the family, training for some physical event or whatever you want) and just do it!!

Petty Annoyances Are Exactly That - Petty!

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If you’re a frequent listener to my radio program, you’ve probably heard me say to someone seemingly immersed in a petty annoyance:  “You must have a charmed and uncomplicated life to have the time and energy to be upset about something that’s ultimately so minuscule.”
 
Yeah, I know that sounds snarky, but the point is made.  If your life is filled with the awe of the sky when the sun first comes up, scurrying to do some projects for charity, coming up with ideas to support a friend in emotional need, treating your spouse as though you adored every breath they take, having daily physical activity that makes you sweat and feel great afterwards, taking on a new challenge in a hobby or education at the local community college or adult extension, having a day a week you get together with buddies to play poker, make a quilt or whatever….when your life is filled in such expansive ways, then the quirky disappointments of family and friends will be shrugged off with a small smile and a lack of real concern.
 
Try activity instead of pouting or letting your anger simmer.

Bocce Ball and the Joy of Learning

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My birthday was a little over a week ago, and my husband actually got away with setting up a surprise party for me.  I went to the party location under the guise that we were going to use a “Happy Birthday” coupon for a free dinner.  It was wonderful to see the many people who have meant, do mean, and always will mean something important to me (and the cake and dancing were great too)!

I want to mention one particular gift:  a bocce ball set.  I sent out all my gift “thank yous,” and when it came to the bocce ball set, I said something like “”Thank you so much for the bocce ball set.  I don’t know how to play it, but, heck, learning yet another sport is a great idea!  Ha ha ha!”

I added the “ha ha ha” because I hike, I play tennis and badminton, I shoot pool, do yoga, race a sailboat and work out…and do at least one of these daily.  But then I thought about my “joke” and realized it IS a very good idea to learn yet another “whatever” all the time.  Part of the joy of being alive (and a large part of what keeps your brain and body healthy and your mood positive) is having purpose in your life and learning something new all the time.

People who don’t continue to grow, be challenged, learn and be involved in activities tend to “contract,” have depression problems, and compromise the quality of their aging and actual life span.

So, while this blog is not an ad for bocce ball, it is a suggestion (and don’t forget who’s making it!) for you to constantly challenge yourself with everything from crossword puzzles to chasing butterflies.  The more you are invested in the opportunities of living, the more you will enjoy it and be alert and happy.

When Others Are Hurting, Can You Still Have A Good Day?

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A number of people have expressed to me that they feel somewhat guilty that their lives are so blessed and/or peaceful right now while people are being blown up in Afghanistan, Pakistan and other places - and by their own countrymen!  Or that people are suffering and dying by the tens of thousands in Haiti in the aftermath of a devastating earthquake.

“How [they ask] can I dare to have a good day when all of this is happening?”

I think that’s a good question asked by decent people. 

The answer is simple:  what choice do you have?

Shall you undermine yourself and those who count on you by crumbling under the awareness of this cruelty of people and nature?  Does that add to the miserly of the world?  YES.  Does that minimize the misery of the world?  NO.

Your job is to do and be your best and to bring light into darkness in your own mind and home, and among family, friends, and community.  Where you have the wherewithal and the expertise to extend that to deserving people and places, do so because all humanity benefits by your action of caring - if not aided directly, then at the very least inspired by your example.

Where you can’t extend yourself to some place around the world, be cognizant that compassion and love in a circle around you has a ripple effect to help perfect the world for whatever moments of bliss might exist.  They add up. 

Whether close at hand or off to a distant land, when you extend mercy, you do an act which magnificently defines humanity.

Lessons Learned from Shooting Pool

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I thought I’d continue with the theme of new beginnings during the first week of the new year by telling you a “biggie” for me - something I had to learn at a deeper level than just on an intellectual level.  I took up the game of pool about a year ago.  And like everything I do, I jumped into it “full bore” and with ferocity unmatched by any other living creature.  I practiced hours every day in this mad-like rush to conquer this goal as soon as I possibly could.

In general, my enthusiasm and full commitment pay off in learning and conquering new goals, but there are some that actually require a dispassionate approach.  That was tough for me.  I got thoroughly emotional whenever I missed even one shot!  I quit several times out of utter frustration. 

Fortunately, I have a great coach/teacher who keeps trying to get me to be quite robotic.  He has me do what amounts to a ritual routine with each shot:  look at the shot and imagine it happening as I put chalk on the cue tip.  Then, put the chalk down and I pretend I’m doing the shot once or twice in the air, then get way down on the table and do practice motions up to the cue ball and then fire.

Once I am down, no more thinking, moving, judging…just faith that my mind and body have this covered. 

This took the better part of a year to learn.  But it works.

The too easy frustration with myself comes from a most critical father’s constant berating of me, and taking up pool has helped a tremendous amount with getting rid of that knee-jerk response. 

I was setting up my weaving loom the other day, and everything was going wrong.  The set-up looked seriously trashy.  But instead of getting down on myself (like I would have done before), I just smiled, leaned over, cut it all off the loom and threw it away.  I walked away feeling quite accomplished!  Why?  I just accepted that sometimes it doesn’t work - thrown away yarn is not the end of the world - and having the calm to make that decision to come back and loom another day is a big victory!

I hope this story helps you.

The Best Way To Make New Year’s Resolutions

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I was asked the other day what New Year’s resolutions I’m making.  I couldn’t come up with any, not because I’m in denial about having to change anything about my life, but because it’s just that I live each week, much less each day, already making those changes that I choose. 

I like the idea of frequent “small course changes,” rather than abrupt, major alterations in one’s life.  I find that the latter kinds of changes are harder to keep, since they are such a divergence from normal reality and routine.

So, I’m not trying to talk you out of losing that 100 pounds, or finishing the roof on your house all by yourself.  I just believe that it’s unrealistic to put yourself in front of a 100-foot-tall pile of whatever with a spoon and told to “go at it.”

If it’s weight that you want to lose, forget about that, and just decide not to have salad dressing loaded with fat calories, and just decide to walk 1 mile with music in your ear - iPod-style.  When that gets too familiar (or starts to feel “old”), then decide that you have to eat smaller portions and ride your bike for 1 mile each day (but I recommend doing that without the iPod, in order for you to hear traffic). 

Get it?  Small things are easier to stay with, because you get instant gratification, which we all love.

The weight?  Don’t get on the scale more than twice a month.  Just revel in those small changes.  The weight will take care of itself.  And then, you can go shopping for new clothes (yay)!