Tease-Proofing My Little Boy

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Moms always look to protect their children (as they should).  But one Mom who wrote to me wanted to take preventive action, so her son would know what to do in case he was teased at school.  The problem?  It didn’t work.  Watch what I have to say about ‘tease-proofing’ your child:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Serena Williams’ Foul Play

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I’m a female and a Jew.  I personally know something about bias, bigotry, prejudice, and discrimination.  There is no doubt in my mind that I have experienced some (shall we say) “bad luck” in my life because I fall into these two categories, but there is probably not a person on the face of the earth who doesn’t have a similar (and probably worse) story to tell with respect to the natural tendency of people to band together based on commonality, from ethnicity to gender to nationalism.  Nonetheless, we have a black President with a Jewish chief-of-staff, and a female Secretary of State.

I’m seriously tired of people pulling the race or gender card to explain away their bad behavior.  Ultimately, we are responsible for our own actions.  This brings me to Serena Williams in the U.S. Open.  Serena was losing badly in the semi-finals to unseeded, unranked Kim Clijsters, and Clijsters had just beaten Serena’s sister, Venus.  The match was at the point where Clijsters was but one point from victory, and it was Serena’s serve.  She faulted on her first serve.  Instead of just going back to the baseline to serve again, she menacingly walked toward the judge, shouting and cursing her, pointing the ball and then the racket at her, as though she were going to strike the woman.  Allegedly, she said,“If I could, I would take this [expletive deleted] ball and shove it down your [expletive deleted] throat.”

The line judge went over to the chair umpire and tournament referee as the crowd was booing.  According to news reports, Serena said,“Sorry, but there’re a lot of people who’ve said worse.  I didn’t say I would kill you.  Are you serious?  I didn’t say that.”  But the line judge said she did say that, and that with the crowd noise, it was difficult for others to hear the specifics. 

I saw that video, and having someone with that venomous rage coming at me, screaming and cursing, shaking a racket in my face (especially since Serena had already smashed a racket earlier in the game when she committed an unforced error) would have scared me too.

Serena was only penalized a point, which, by destiny of timing, turned out to be the match point.  Clijsters would have won anyway - she was playing an amazing game, and she did go on to win the U.S. Open.

So, here’s a young woman, used to success, who couldn’t handle being humbled, and she robbed Clijsters of the good feeling of trumping a tennis goddess.  This is obviously bad behavior - very bad.  The bad boys of tennis games past were also known to behave badly, but, according to news sources, they never threatened the life or well-being of a judge.  This was scary and horrendous behavior. 

The first reaction of some was to scream “racism!”  Oh puleeze.  Was anyone saying she behaved badly because she was black?  NO.  Was anyone saying she was penalized for her behavior because she was black?  YES, and that is downright annoying and dumb. 

Online, someone posted a comment after the news item, which I think is “right on.”  Here’s an excerpt:

There are reasons for rules in competitive sports or banking or finance or education or society.  The reasons [for the rules] always have to do with participants being unwilling or unable to manage or discipline their emotions when under duress of any kind.  This duress…almost always manifests poorly, but often successfully.  Serena…lost her composure in the early stages of this match, played poorly, got behind, and faced almost certain defeat.  The foot fault (which many say was correct, many say “iffy,” and some say false) was critical, but not pivotal for Serena.  She could have played through it.  She had the serve.

But she had first-serve faulted many times, and had lost every second serve point to her opponent.  So, she gave in to panic, which led her to say some astoundingly aggressive things to the line judge, who, to her credit, stayed calm, objective, and within the rules.  The referee made the proper call, and Serena lost, and then lost again by backpedaling after the match, with cover-up comments and lame excuses. 

But this is an era when elites in all walks of life take the liberty of exposing their true selves without much consequence.  It’s called “privilege,” and it is, in my mind, the downfall of the American personality, and with it, the downfall of the nation - a little microcosm on a big stage.  Pride comes before a fall.

Truth is, she knew she had lost this match, even if that one linesman’s call was bad.  Instead of letting her opponent savor the victory point, she surrendered early.  Clijster swamped her and her sister, and Williams acted like a classless brat.  And classless brats come in all colors, genders and religions.  Point…game…match.

Cyber Harassment

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I’m just sickened to hear the news that Lori Drew was only convicted on three misdemeanor counts of unauthorized access to computers after she, her then 18 - year-old assistant, and her teen daughter plotted to humiliate a neighbor 13-year-old…who ended up killing herself because of the emotional pain she endured at their fingertips on the computer keys.

You’ve probably heard the story: the young girl committed suicide in October of 2006 after the end of her online relationship with a fictitious 16-year-old-boy created on a fake MySpace account.  According to various news reports, the trio used the account to contact and befriend Megan.  Within a few days, Lori Drew encouraged her daughter and her assistant to on-line flirt with Megan; they planned to lure Megan to a mall to confront her with the hoax and taunt her.

As things go and grow, another neighborhood girl got involved in the whole thing and sent Megan a message - as if she were the fictitious boy - that he didn’t want to be friends anymore.  Lori Drew’s assistant then, according to the District Attorney, wrote, “the world would be a better place without you in it.”

Twenty minutes later, Megan’s mother found her hanging from her belt in her bedroom closet.

I’m not a lawyer and I don’t really understand all the legal machinations about what criminal behavior this planned cruelty constitutes, but it’s clear that there’s no real punishment for people who misrepresent themselves on an internet chat site with the INTENT to do emotional harm to a child known to have several psychiatric disorders.  Federal and state laws appear to be mute on this issue, and while companies like MySpace have “Terms Of Agreement” (which is kinda what “caught” Lori Drew, because she didn’t abide by those terms), they don’t have much in the way of “teeth” - often the most they can do is terminate the service of the offender.

Imagine: one mother decided to drive another mother’s child to devastating emotional pain as entertainment; she includes her own young teen daughter and a young adult employee….and they all have a great time of it.  No one charged the assistant or the daughter, even though they were all complicit in the intent to do emotional harm.
 
I hope there is a civil court for something like wrongful death so that these people pay some price for their evil cruelty.

Now - add to that the parental responsibility of more supervision of this vulnerable, fragile, emotionally compromised child…her parents had reversed the lock on her bedroom for her “safety,” as they were aware that she had problems.  Children without psychiatric issues ought not have unsupervised access to the internet or text messaging or any form of communication without parental oversight.  Children with psychiatric issues are at more risk. 

Recently, another teenager, this one 19, overdosed with several medications to kill himself while his computer stayed on so that everyone on the net could watch him die.  There was a huge rageful response to folks waiting 12 hours before reporting this situation to the net site or the police…who came too late.

It seems that he’d done this before, so many folks thought he was playing “wolf,” others just didn’t care, some showed concern, and others just “egged” him on….the same way folks on the ground often “egg on” a person threatening to jump from a tall building.  There are always creeps about.

What was curious to me is that the reports of this event include that the boy died in his father’s room and on his bed; that he used a combination of prescription and illegal medications.  Again we have a pathetically ill young man without proper supervision by those who could understand and help him.  It sounds like he needed hospitalization.

The Internet gives young folks the attention and pseudo-importance they naturally crave.  It is also a conduit for evil…the same way electricity is neutral…unless you try to electrocute somebody with it.

Parents have to be less casual about the evil that comes through all these technological marvels of communication.