Bringing My Baby to Work

 Email This Post

When the chips are down, sometimes we have to come up with temporary creative solutions until the crisis passes:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Disciplining Other People’s Children

 Email This Post

Here’s a dilemma faced by quite a few of you (according to the emails I get):  Is it okay for anyone other than a parent to discipline their child?  I’ve got an answer.

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

A Letter from a Former “Stupid” Parent

 Email This Post

Today, I’ve got a guest blog today from Olivia:

Hi, Dr. Laura:

I am a 25 year old married mother of two small boys.  Minutes ago, I just finished
reading your book “Stupid Things Parents Do To Mess Up Their Kids.”  This is why [my reading this] is so timely:

A year ago, some family crisis propelled me into quitting my part-time, yet demanding, job.  In many ways, it was a dream job - part-time, flexible, good pay (or so I thought), and fantastic for my resume.  My family began to deteriorate rather quickly in spite of our kids not being in day care. My job went to my head, and I spent horrible amounts of time on things that had nothing to do with my family, and even harmed my family relationships.  I was being selfish, stupid, and immature as I sought out personal satisfaction and success.

After a major and deserving blow from life, I quit my job, in spite of my board wanting me to stay.  In the last year, I have been focusing on my family more, but have been dabbling in a small business.  Lately, business has been slow, and I have been praying for it to pick up, or to open my eyes to what God would have me do instead.  Stupid, I know, as I have two beautiful sons staring me in the face every day. 

A couple of days ago, when I was in the library with my kids, I had this sudden desire to grab a parenting book (no idea what kind), but in a rush I went to the section, perused quickly and grabbed your book.  You loudly and clearly stating things I knew in my heart, but hadn’t allowed to be voiced in my head.  I really believe this was a divine intervention. 

I know that I am not in the season of life to devote lots of time and energy to anything or anyone other than my family.  You are completely right about everything you said in your book.  Shame on the “so-called” (love how you made fun of that) professionals who tease, shame, and humiliate young, educated women who choose family over career.  And shame on we self-proclaimed “strong” women who allow ourselves to be cowed from taking full-time responsibility for our children, family and home life if we are able. 

I used to feel embarrassed or apologetic when admitting I was a married mother of two at my age.  Now I feel grateful for the path I have chosen, and my joy is full as I recognize the deep personal growth and learning my divinely appointed “job” grants me each and every day as I sacrifice, love, and nurture my family.

Thanks, Dr. Laura.  We need more women to speak out the way you do.

Unpaid Babysitting for the Family

 Email This Post

There’s a difference between helping out by babysitting once in a while for family members, and being used by them as a convenient free dumping ground for the kids when they want a night out.   Here’s how I suggested one listener handle that situation:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Exploiting Kids When Finances Are Tight

 Email This Post

When times get tough, some folks dig in and just get more creative and try harder.  For some parents, when the economy got tough, they got their children to try harder, and I’m not happy about this at all.

According to the Wall Street Journal, the children’s segment of the modeling industry has seen a 50% increase in applicants in the past three years, as parents try to have the kids’ “looks” subsidize the family income.  Also contributing to the growing number of mini-models are the reality TV shows featuring children (Toddlers and Tiaras and Little Miss Perfect come to mind).

I think this is a despicable development.  Parents there to exploit their children for their own income and ego?  The family income should not be put on the back (or should I say “face”) of children whose ages are still in single digits!
 
The impact on children is horrendous on many levels:

1. They have to deal with rejection at a very early age.  Children take these situations quite personally, and don’t understand the frivolity of choices based upon product, the taste of producers and so on. 
2. Kids think they are the most important part of the family - exaggerated value makes for a narcissism that will likely haunt that child throughout life, especially when it disappears as they get older and less cute or desired by Hollywood.
3. The child who is the performer becomes the “golden child,” and other children in the family are terribly hurt as their value to the parents (i.e., love) seems to disappear.
4. Kids learn that money and looks are the focal point of life.
5. Small children don’t understand the ramifications of the four items above and can’t really make the choice for themselves as to whether or not to participate (and such participation would change their lives and might not be in their best interests).

Exploiting children for ANY reason is wrong.  And that’s that. 

Giving Birth In Front of an Audience

 Email This Post

During my college years in the Sixties, “empowerment” and “consciousness-raising” were the main focus of existence, even though these concepts were largely used to insist that you were a victim of something or someone just for being female.

Well, fast forward to now, and one young, married woman in her twenties has decided that giving birth live on the Internet is empowering to women!  The use of that term in this circumstance cracks me up.  I remember, during my loooong labor, my husband saying that he was going to leave to get a cup of coffee.  I threatened him with “if you leave…never come back!!”  I guess that threat was “empowerment,” but giving birth in public or private is one of our least powerful times.  We are completely at the mercy of a baby who is usually saying “Hell, no, I won’t go.”

Nonetheless, this woman has decided that taking something personal and making it public is empowering and educational and spreading joy.  Oh, puleeze!  In our sadly growing exhibitionist, voyeuristic, reality show mentality of a society, this is how people become “important,” known, and “famous.”

The point of “personal” is that something is perfected by its modesty, and sharing is not an issue of public promotion, but an opportunity for a few people to embrace a meaningful moment of experience.  Experiences and moments that are universal (like child-bearing) are not educational.  The childbirth is going to be posted on a mom website, which means that they’ve all been there and done that.

Her husband is marginalized.  She admits that he was “hesitant” at first, but I’m sure he ultimately had no say.  There aren’t too many decent men who want to share the birth of their first child with a camera crew and a blog audience - that makes Daddy less special and less involved.

It’s all just sad to me.  And what happens after the event, when the thrill, the attention and adrenaline of being in the spotlight goes away?  What is she going to do with this kid to keep the flow going?  Think Jon and Kate.  Think “sad” for the children who become the means of their parents’ moment in the light, in ways other than simply enjoying their first smiles and first steps.

Toddlers and Tiaras

 Email This Post

We’re all outraged when we hear the stories of children being beaten, locked in cages, raped by adult “friends of the family” (if not family members themselves), abducted, and murdered.  These are clearly horrendous realities that offend all decent people. 

Then there are the “normalized” child abuse activities that barely make people shrug a shoulder.  We were somewhat amused and annoyed by the recent story of the reality show family who pretended their son was in a balloon flying high in the sky while the balloon was empty and the boy was hiding.  Turns out that this was all about auditioning for their own reality show. 

TLC has a show called “Toddlers and Tiaras.”  According to one of my listeners who alerted me to this program, it should have been titled “Mothers Who Exploit Their Children.”  It’s a show about young girls (as young as 4 years old!) who compete in beauty contests.  The worst part is not that the mothers over-dress and overly make up their children.  The worst part is not that these young girls put on immodest swimsuits and high heels and parade in front of an audience.  The weird part of the show occurs after the competition ends and you see how these young girls and their parents react to the final results.  One young girl, who couldn’t have been older than six, took second runner-up, and her mother was furious.  When the mother went backstage, there was no “you did a great job,” or “I love you.”  She simply said to her sobbing child - angrily - “I don’t know what happened.  Come on…let’s go.”  Another little girl responded to the results by saying “I’m first runner-up.  That means I’m a loser.”

These kids are learning that they are only worth something if they win.  They’re only loved up by their parents if they win.  And they’re learning that winning a beauty competition is the way to a meaningful existence.

These kinds of competitions shouldn’t even be allowed.  If I had the power - no one would be able to exploit their children for money, infamy, notoriety, selfishness or stupidity.  We all have heard the stories of the warped and sorry lives of most former child stars - the drugs, alcohol, suicides, and self-destructive behaviors throughout their lives - generally because their worth was hitched to the wagon of public adoration.

These so-called “family” reality shows are a form of child abuse and exploitation.  Children lose their privacy and have to cater to the desire of networks and cable executives for ratings and sponsorship income, and producers need outlandish behavior in order to get and keep an audience.  Parents expect them to do whatever it takes to keep their star in the sky.  It’s disgusting, and our society not only allows it, but elevates these shows to an incredible level of importance.  How about all those news stories of Jon & Kate and their eight kids?  They’re getting a divorce, and their pathetic story got coverage from actual hard news sources for weeks at the same time they were appearing on the covers of so-called “news” magazines.

We have become detestable in our acceptance and normalization of obvious emotional child abuse.  Shame on us.

Clicking Her Heels for Halloween

 Email This Post

I had fun making this video, but the message is serious.  With Halloween coming this Saturday, be sure to give some thought to safety BEFORE the trick or treating begins.

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.