Do Appearances Really Matter?

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Despite all the evidence to the contrary, there are still some people who think that dressing down and neglecting their grooming won’t affect their appeal to the opposite sex.  Today’s correspondent is angry at her mother for offering parental wisdom:

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Read transcript here.

Sometimes Dark Clouds DO Have Silver Linings

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Did you see the theatrical movie “The Butterfly Effect?”  Well, you should.  Without giving the whole movie away, it’s about changing past bad things.  The assumption is always made (optimistically) that if you could the past, only good will come out of it, starting with the exclusion of that “bad thing.”  Things, however, do not necessarily roll that way.

This past weekend, my husband and I went on a motorcycle ride with a friend of ours who had recently broken up with her “multi-year” boyfriend.  It was her birthday, and I brought her a “Happy Birthday” cupcake, sewed her a “Dia de los Muertos” purse that she had wanted, and we treated her to lunch.  We were having a great time, and it was my turn to make the iced tea birthday toast. 

We raised our glasses and I said:  “I’m sad for you that you’ve gone through such pain recently, but if you had not gone with him in the first place, we wouldn’t have met you, and you wouldn’t have purchased your own Harley, and we wouldn’t be sitting here today as such good friends.  So, no sad moment here. We love you, and happy birthday.”

If I could go back and change history and have them not meet at all, then all the good that came out of it would be gone:

1. Her getting emotionally stronger
2. Her getting her own motorcycle (which she loves and drives all the time).
3. Us becoming good friends.
4. Us taking a beautiful scenic ride and having a wonderful lunch.

 ….all of this WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN.

The moral of this story?  Don’t totally rue the “bad stuff.”  Perhaps it’s just fertilizer for what will grow next.

My Family Still Talks to My Exes

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When you break up a relationship, you often need to put some distance between you and your ex.  But what should you do if your family continues the relationship after you’ve moved on?

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Read transcript here.

Dating My Sibling’s Ex

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When a family has two dating-age daughters, things can sometimes get ugly:

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Read transcript here.

Dating 101

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Today, it’s “back to basics” as I address multiple questions from a young woman who wants a refresher course in the do’s and don’ts of budding relationships:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Timeless Lessons from A Classic Story

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I have watched film adaptations of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice in all its incarnations many, many times, and I recently watched the 2005 film version again. I love the film…no matter what criticisms may be about a portrayal or a performance. I clearly have a profound attraction to this work.

First and foremost, I love the utter regard the men had for women, which is evident from how they addressed them: “Miss…” (and their first names if they were single) or “Mrs….” (and their last names if they were married). Men bowed upon entering and leaving a woman’s presence, and women curtsied, even under unpleasant conditions. Flirting was ever-so-subtle: a look, a light “accidental” touch of a hand. A man romantically yearned for and tried to earn the affections of a woman. The sweetness of the regard for women in this era (particularly in upper and middle classes) was something to be admired, and something we now miss. There was a clear distinction between a “good” woman and an easy, loose woman or whore.

That distinction is gone today. Now, women put down good money for music that represents them as whores without pay. So many young men are casual about women and sex in general, and sex is a casual expectation almost always fulfilled.

Young women scoff at dignity and modesty as just stupid, prudish, sexist notions. They “shack up” with some dude without a marital commitment, yet expect the love and respect, fidelity and loyalty to exist without the spoken vows, only to be disappointed, hurt, and generally confused.

There was a recent film comedy, called “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past,” in which Matthew McConaughey (in a twist on Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”) got to go back into his life to see all his old girlfriends. There was one scene in the television ad for the movie which showed a seemingly endless dining table filled with hundreds of girls. Obviously, this was meant to show how shallow and manipulative he had been. To me, it just showed how many stupid girls there were (and are), “putting out” in a situation where there was clearly no respect, regard, or intent.

Men used to have to ask a woman’s dad for permission to “court” her, even when the woman was an adult! Now, all he has to do is show her a bedroom, back seat of a car, or a motel room, and the date is sealed. When men had to explain and express their intentions, they had to take the whole activity of dating much more seriously, as there were personal and social consequences to misleading a young lady. That reputation would annihilate any chances he might have had of marrying a good woman. He’d have to move states or provinces away. Now? That kind of rakish reputation makes girls/women want to line up to get some from an infamous entity.

The women’s revolution did not raise any consciousness worth elevating. It mostly diminished a woman’s sense of herself as special, minimized her value in the minds of men, put sex on the level of animals, created a nanny/baby-sitter/institutionalized day care financial boom (as women gave up the blessing of nurturing their own children), increased the use of abortion as a birth-control technique when an accidental pregnancy occurred with a guy who did not want fatherhood, created perpetually unhappy, angry, nasty wives, and made it very difficult for “nice girls” to be respected and cherished.

The last scene in Pride and Prejudice between the two now-married lovers has them discussing what she wants to be called by him when he is not using her given name. He suggests one name, and she rejects it sweetly, because it is what her father calls her. She then asks him what he will call her when he is angry. He, not being able to envision that situation, talks to her about always letting her know how lovingly important his happiness in wrapped up in her…forever…and he kisses her gently about her face as he says “Mrs. Darcy” over and over again. He gave her his heart, his life, his vows, and his name. And, in that era, giving a woman your name was the ultimate public and private statement of his total commitment to her, which makes that scene so moving to most of us, and infuriating to feminists who see that scene only as ripping away the woman’s identity.

I always cry at the end of the movie.

I cry also for what women have given up in exchange for wanting to have it all and not be subordinate to a man. I don’t know…I kinda think being on a pedestal is not subordinate. But what do I know? I’m only a recovered feminist.

Using the Airwaves to Promote Cheating

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I don’t see morality, ethics, or character in too many places in our society these days, so when I do, it’s time for rejoicing and handing out kudos. So, kudos go out to G. Craig Hanson, the president of Simmons Media Group, which owns KXRK-FM radio in Salt Lake City, who dumped a morally repulsive and exploitative commercial off his station.

There’s an infidelity dating service, The Ashley Madison Agency, on the Internet for people “looking for a little something on the side.”  They boast - yechh - over 3.6 million members in the United States and Canada.  These are people looking for a quick “hump” without their dates, fiancés, and spouses knowing anything about it.

The ads are off KXRK-FM, but they’re supposedly still airing in Salt Lake City on 97.5, The Blaze.

The President and CEO of Ashley Madison, Noel Biderman, says he aims to buy TV spots and billboard space in Utah, and labeled as “hypocritical” the media outlets that refuse to take his ads.

You know, I get called “hypocritical” all the time, because it’s a “nice” swear word to use to discount somebody else’s point of view.  A hypocrite actually is someone who says they believe one way, while (secretly) they behave the opposite.  A “teacher” (as opposed to a hypocrite), for example, is someone who formerly smoked and has quit, and now campaigns to get others to do so in order to have a good and healthful life. 

People like Biderman call others who judge them negatively “hypocrites” because, in their world, they can’t imagine people with different values as being real, serious, happy, and successful.  They just see the potential for a dark side in everyone and decide to try to make money off of it.

So, “poo poohs” to Noel Biderman, who wants to provide people with the opportunities to betray their vows and diminish their own characters with ads providing affair “match-ups,” and kudos to KXRK-FM’s president G. Craig Hanson of Salt Lake City who said the scum won’t float on his lake.

“The Bachelor” Is NOT A Guide for Real Relationships

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When the so-called “mainstream media” carries a story, one used to surmise that the information was actually important in some significant way to Americans.  We all know that’s largely untrue:  stories today are attempts to splash the water in your face to get attention for ratings and commercial time or space revenue.

ABC News actually had someone from their “ABC News Medical Unit” on to discuss the heartbreak of losing on the program The Bachelor.  It seems that this guy first announced that he was “hot” for one babe, but them changed his mind, season ending “cliff-hanger” style) and went for another babe.  He proposed, then changed his mind, and went back to the first of the two dumped babes. That set off fireworks with some silly blog site that targets I-don’t-know-what-kind-of-women who actually care about this pseudo-intimacy.

One of the dumb issues involved in this nonsense is that the babes have signed contracts that say they aren’t allowed to cry or whine about hurt feelings until the appropriate time in the unfolding saga.  They actually got “shrinks” to opine about the emotional and psychological damage that can be done to these silly babes (who I define as pretty women who exploit their looks and desire their 15 minutes of fame by going on these not-really-reality shows to find the love of their lives and the father of their future 84 children) if they don’t get to “vent” their hurt!

Oh, puleeze.  First of all, this guy shows all the bonding ability of a flea in heat; these girls act like it’s the end of the world if this “please me now/please me not” joker doesn’t want them.  Frankly, I think the jilted girl should go down on her knees and praise God that she won’t be stuck with this guy for five more minutes of her life…unless, of course, he changes his rotating little mind again.

The shrinks talk about serious consequences of getting to know someone and then getting excluded.  Let’s say the truth:  they all want to look good, win the money, get TV/movie/recording contracts and/or turn to modeling.  Getting dumped on TV is embarrassing, but throngs are willing to do so in order to get the brass rings the easy way.

If anyone thinks that these people are actually looking for or are capable of bonding with the permanent “love of their lives,” by going through this orchestrated “play-acting” on a television show, well, I’ve got a bridge to sell you…cheap.

Do any of these girls get carried away?  Probably.  Girls do that - they want to bond, nest, be told they’re beautiful and loved.  Women (as opposed to girls) know better than to think that getting a paycheck and free clothes and makeovers is the way to get that true love.