Dating Again: Divorced vs. Widowed?

 Email This Post

If you’re back on the dating scene and you’re no longer a young adult, you may find that the available pool is filled with those who have been either divorced or widowed.  Is there a better chance at happiness with one group, or does it even matter?

Interview with Premarital Counseling Experts

 Email This Post

Dr. Roger Tirabassi has led popular pre-marital seminars in California which have prepared over 1000 couples for marriage.  He and his wife Becky have co-authored Seriously Dating or Engaged: A PreMarital Workbook, which gives couples the tools they’ll need for enjoying a lasting relationship.  I wanted to talk with them to find out exactly how they prepare couples and what they’re finding in today’s social environment: Listen to the Interview

For Adult Ears Only?

 Email This Post

Families go through tough times when there’s marital strife, separation or divorce, and kids are emotionally the most vulnerable.  Is it appropriate to tell them why you’re not choosing to date others at this time?

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/drlaura

Girls Keep Throwing Their Bodies At Me

 Email This Post

Here’s a case of role reversal – a teen guy is unhappy with unwanted sexual advances from teen girls:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read the transcript.

Delaying Early Sex Leads to Better Relationships

 Email This Post

You young women who have hooked up a lot (you know, you’ve had sex because you had 15 minutes, were a little horny, wanted a release, you wanted a little excitement, etc.) – do you feel better about yourself?  Does it make sex a more valued entity in your life?  I’ve been talking about this for decades.  Trivializing something so incredible is a mistake. 

A recent study finds that waiting for sex is linked to better communication and stability in a relationship.  So for all of you who laugh at the religiously Orthodox types who barely even touch fingers (much less kiss), what do they actually spend time doing?  Actually getting to know one another!    Having sex early in a relationship, the study reads, may lead to less satisfying marriages because couples can fail to develop important skills to communicate well and resolve conflicts. 

The study, done at Brigham Young University, found that married couples who had delayed sex while they were dating were more likely to communicate, enjoy sex, and have more stable marriages than those who had sex early on.  They were also more generally satisfied with their marriages.

Why would rushing into sex impede marital happiness?  According to the study’s co-author, people who quickly become intimate end up marrying even if they are incompatible, because they become entangled in a relationship that becomes difficult to end.  This is especially true for women. Read my book Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives – I have a whole chapter on this.

According to the study, the longer sex was delayed, the longer the more participants in the study reported a better quality of sex, better communication, more relationship satisfaction, and more perceived relationship stability.  Waiting until marriage to have sex had the strongest correlation with a positive outcome.

You can’t conclude that pre-marital sex (assuming you were going to marry that person) necessarily leads to a bad marriage.  It doesn’t mean that the marriage is doomed.  It just means that sex creates a sense of attachment and finality that leads people not to be objective anymore.  If they’re hot and heavy every time they see each other, then the incompatibility and lack of a potential future just gets ignored.  And spouses with a lot of sexual memories of other partners may find the bar for satisfaction very high.

In contrast, people with fewer sexual memories don’t expect a virtual circus of activity.  Basically, they’re as good at sex as they believe themselves to be. It becomes very complicated to leave a relationship when sex leads the relationship.  Objectivity is lost, people shack up and make babies out of wedlock, and all these things just start falling over each other until you realize you’re stuck.  And then you call me and say “what should I do?”  I just have to shrug my shoulders.

Hey Date – Ya Got Any Health Issues?

 Email This Post

Here’s a tricky question from a listener – at what point after starting to date do you discuss health issues?

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read the transcript.

Holding Men in High Esteem

 Email This Post

Dr. Laura explains the difference between a “male” and a real man:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Dating Rules: Nothing Has Ever Changed

 Email This Post

There are lots of mixed messages being sent about how to behave in a dating relationship, and one confused young woman asked me for clarity:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read the transcript.