This is from one of my listeners (whose name is not given in order to protect her privacy):
I’ve been hearing a lot lately about egg donations, surrogacy, and intentional single mothers, and I don’t know if you were aware that it had gone this far! Don’t get me wrong, egg donation put me through school with no debt. Over the past 4 years, I have donated my eggs to 4 different families, going through a total of 7 different surgeries in order to do so. I know that at least 3 of these donations resulted in the birth of a child that was a miracle and a dream come true for the parents of these children, and I am grateful to have taken part in this dream.
Recently, my agency contacted me again. They had another donation for me. I was thrilled because my husband and I are planning on starting our own family, and we were going to start trying in the next few months. The donation would end in $10,000 in our pockets, which I thought would be a nice little nest egg or college account for the child we are planning. Well, the agency sent over the contracts for me to sign, and luckily, I read them thoroughly. The recipient was not the expected married couple with unfortunate infertility problems, but a single woman who, after having conquered the corporate world, realized it was too late to get married and make a baby on her own! My heart sunk. How could I intentionally give life to a child knowing it would not have a father?
Then the thought crept in: this woman is going to do it anyway, so I might as well be the one to profit from it, right? As I was talking to my husband about my concerns, I realized, ‘How can I donate part of myself to this woman and still expect my husband to believe that I think he is an asset to raising our children? How can I force another baby to grow up in daycare with no masculine influence, and still show my husband that he is a hero for wanting me to stay home with our kids while he supports us?’ I couldn’t.
I let the agency know: I will not be available to do this donation, as I believe a child deserves both a mother and a father. And I hope that my “passing” on the opportunity will make the potential “mother” reconsider her options and buy a puppy. I may have lost ten thousand dollars, but as my husband said, I still have my morals, and that’s worth more to our children than a college account.