Forgiveness

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People often struggle with the idea of forgiveness.  Should they forgive a transgression?  When or how do they do that?  I’ve come up with “The Four R’s of Forgiveness,” which are four conditions which should be met before you consider granting forgiveness to another person.

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Sperm Donors No Longer Anonymous in Britain

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In 2005, Britain changed the law protecting anonymous sperm donors and allowed children to learn the identity of donor fathers (which is bad news) and limited the number of women who can use sperm from one donor (which is good news).

In 1991, Britain registered some 500 sperm donors; since the change in the law, the numbers have dropped by 40%.  Obviously, the men were anonymously donating sperm for the financial compensation, and not for the purpose of fatherhood.  Once the anonymity factor was gone, motivation declined as these men likely felt threatened by potential future responsibilities to a child they had no intention of taking any responsibility for; either financially or emotionally.

Another concern about anonymity is the sanctity of the family.  I have always advised married, infertile folks who have called my program to keep their plans a complete secret.  I don’t believe it is in the best interest of children to have a sense that the wonderful man protecting, providing, and loving them is not their daddy.  Anything which interferes with that child/father bond should be avoided whenever possible.  And, I never thought the origin of the haploid DNA contribution was as significant as the ultimate parent/child relationship.

Britain capped the number of babies which can be created from one donor.  Sperm from one man can now be used to produce only 10 babies (in Holland the number is 25).  The United States does not cap sperm donations at all…and I think that is ridiculous.  You certainly don’t want anonymous sperm in one geographical location to be used to make scores of babies who are unaware of their genetic relationship.  The statistical probability of them meeting, falling in love, marrying (aw, I’m such a romantic) and then having children is not insignificant.  This is a factor that could lead to obvious medical problems for their offspring.

Depressed People Assisted in Suicides

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Researchers at the Oregon Health and Science University (OHSU) conducted a study published in the British Medical Journal that shows 26% of terminally ill patients in Oregon (with laws supporting doctor-assisted suicide) who requested a lethal cocktail were diagnosed as suffering depression, which is technically a treatable mental illness.

Wesley Smith, a leading euthanasia opponent, says that the “assisted suicide law’s guidelines are merely for show and do not protect the vulnerable or depressed people in Oregon. He adds that the proposed guidelines appearing on Washington’s ballot in November do not require a person’s depression to be treated before a lethal cocktail is issued.”

Rita Marker of the International Task Force on Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide says, “Let’s face the economic facts and force of economic gravity. If someone is depressed and they happen to be terminally ill too, it’s a lot cheaper to write a prescription for a deadly overdose of drugs than for medication to treat the depression, possible counseling to treat depression, and also medication to delay the death.”

No physician should agree to terminate someone’s life, even on their say-so, when they are suffering from a depression. If they were treated for that depression, a significant number would probably wish to squeeze out of their lives every precious moment with their loved ones that was possible. At least we ought to give them that opportunity.

Everybody Lies, Everybody Cheats

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One television show I’m both intrigued by and ambivalent about is called House.  It’s a medical drama in which the main character, a physician, is a diagnostic genius…except that he almost kills his patients a number of times until he brilliantly deduces the correct problem.

One problem he and his associates always have in diagnosing these strange presenting disorders is that, as Dr. House says, “everybody lies.”  It would seem that patients will withhold information essential to their proper treatment because of shame, guilt, embarrassment or to get out of some potential problem — even if it threatens their lives!  Sometime during the one-hour drama, for better or worse, the truth comes out.  Moral debates sometimes arise about the value of truth and honesty.

During my radio program, I have often cautioned people about being too flippant with honesty…it is, in fact, not always the best policy.  For example, “Your child is ugly and below average in intelligence!” or “Aging is sure being mean to you…look at all the wrinkles between your chin and your chest!”  Now, they may be honest assessments, but must all truths be spoken if they are going to hurt someone with no reasonable or positive motivation or intent?  My answer is, “no.”  My answer is to find something sweet and kind to say…there always are those aspects of a person or a situation.

However, there are circumstances where the truth is essential; and sadly, so few of our young people believe that is so.  Every school age child in America knows that a sitting, married President looked right into the television news cameras and lied about having had a sexual relationship with a young, single intern.  What was astonishing was how quickly his supporters and political party members were to dismiss this kind of lying since it was “personal.” 

It’s funny how “personal” impacts the world.  ABC News produced a story about college cheating using the most advanced devices our technology has to offer.  The piece centered on a Texas college freshman, Kiko Kho, who had used a see-through plastic pen, opened up the back and slipped in a strip of paper with vocabulary words on it so that she would pass her French exam.  If you think it is remarkable that she admitted all this to a reporter…hang on to something…she posted a video on YouTube detailing how she’d pulled off her cheat that received more than 120,000 hits.  Did she show remorse and argue against cheating?  Nope.  She did admit “it’s not a good thing to cheat,” followed up quickly by “everybody has done it.” 
    
Our young people watch television political talk and debates and hear time and time again…”that’s not true,”  “that’s false,” or “that’s a lie.”  When I was a child all I heard about was that President George Washington didn’t lie about that cherry tree…that was something to aspire to!

In Jasper, Indiana, two of three challengers for a congressional seat have agreed to be hooked up to lie detectors during an October 21 debate, but an official with the incumbent’s party dismissed the idea.  The Republican Party Chairman made this proposal to Democratic Incumbent and the GOP and Libertarian challengers.  The only one who declined to comment was the Democratic Incumbent…now that just looks bad.

I think all political debaters, product promoters, attorneys, teachers, scientists, and students in exams should take advantage of lie detection technology…and that’s the truth!

Go Ahead; Have A Good Time?

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How do some people call you with these questions if they know what you’re going to say?

I get that question all the time, and today I’m addressing it in a video blog, which you can watch below.

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Good Guys vs. Bad Guys in “The Closer”

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I have been a big fan of the television show The Closer, starring Kyra Sedgwick.  It has a great ensemble cast, and it’s fun to watch the (generally implausible) twists and turns as she has those “aha!” moments, based on some innocuous comment made by someone totally unrelated to the situation at hand.

One recent episode, however, ended on an entirely amoral note.  Frankly, the plots are often too complicated to summarize, but here goes: an illegal alien takes sanctuary in a church to avoid deportation and to avoid becoming a murder victim at the hands of international drug-dealing “bad guys.” The bad guys are “setting up” the illegal so that he will end up in prison, where they can kill him for his lack of loyalty.  Apparently, if you’re the target of a “hit,” being in prison makes you quite accessible, because you’re surrounded by bad guys who’ll contract out the job in exchange for cigarettes, comic books, or whatever.

A policeman from the drug-providing country comes to “help,” but turns out to be one of the bad guys.  Kyra, the “closer” of the title, upon discovering his true mission, threatens to put him in jail under the name of the illegal in order to 1) scare him into talking, and 2) possibly give the illegal good guy a new identity.

I thought that the threat was a clever ploy.  However, the “bad guy” foreign policeman didn’t collapse under the threat.  Kyra followed through with her threat, and he was subsequently misidentified as the illegal alien “good guy” and murdered while in custody.  Now the illegal alien had his own special type of witness protection program.

The program actually ended that way - with no one questioning the immorality or illegality of Kyra setting up the foreign cop for murder by his fellow bad guys.  It just ended up with everyone being content with the outcome.

While it is particularly satisfying to me when bad guys get their just deserts, it is not satisfying to watch role-models misuse the system to exact their own vengeance.  I was tremendously disappointed with the writers and producers, and with Kyra for agreeing to leave the story line intact.

Some Things Should Just Never Be Said

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Cheryl Coronel, a Dr. Laura listener, requested a response on the following:  “When people call about telling someone information that they are unaware of, you always ask, ‘What benefit is it to the person to know?’  When it comes to a spouse, is this the only question that one needs to ask?  If it is about the children, must you tell?  Can you please elaborate as to the ‘rules.’”
     While this is a bit difficult to answer without specific examples, I’ll do my best.
     Most people seem to think that if something is true it can or should be spoken out loud with impunity.  Well, then, “Your thighs are flabby,” “Your kid is ugly,” and “Your wife’s boobs are microscopic - how in the heck do you ever get turned on?”
Continue reading Some Things Should Just Never Be Said…