Can People Ever Really Change?

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A recent female caller wondered if she should stay with and even marry a guy who spent the full first year of their relationship being violent.

I immediately said, “You’re a grown woman.  If you want to play Russian Roulette with your life you have the right to do that.  Please, though, have your Fallopian tubes tied so that you can’t bring any babies into this situation to either be hurt directly or indirectly by a messed up, violent home-life.”

She wanted to know if people can change.  Well, the correct answer is….YES!  Of course people can change.  When people are motivated and disciplined and committed to being, thinking, and doing things differently, they can most definitely evolve in a positive direction.  It does take time and simply acknowledging the need for change is not (contrary to popular thought) 50% of the problem.  You all know that’s true because every one of you remembers making a New Year’s Resolution - which clearly acknowledges a need for change - and even a plan….which just evaporated with time and ennui.

Therefore, in the context of this woman’s call, a person prone to violence is not one who is going to make a quick change.  The caller wanted to know if there was hope that in the future…no matter how distant…that he could be different.  Well, sure - IF he makes the commitment and is committed long term to whatever it takes to change his way of looking at the world, intimate relationships, and his own identity.

An interesting fact is that when people do make such profound changes, they rarely are interested in the people who wanted them when they were less positively functional, as they recognize that it takes a less functional person to be attracted to same.  Said in a bit ‘o different way: emotionally healthy people, even though they may protest love and compassion, just don’t commit their lives to a recalcitrant, unwilling to change, difficult, or dangerous person.  It is because of their own sad inner dynamics that they find solace in being involved with an unhealthy person…it makes them feel needed or puts the responsibility for their unhappiness somewhere else or is simply a place to hide from the threat of not being capable of a good life.

This particular caller thanked me for my advice…I asked her to tell me what my advice was; she said, “I don’t want to play roulette with my life.”  I gave her kudos for making a healthy and good choice.  I also told her that she’d feel stupid for the time already spent, lonely for the company, scared of being alone, and more…but that this decision was still a healthy and good choice.

You see…she is the one in her life she had the power and the necessity to change; focusing on him was just a way to hide from that.

I love the beginning of happy endings…and that call was one of those.

You’d Better Get Your Flu Shot

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I never gave a second thought to the flu or prophylactic vaccines until that one day the symptoms hit like a sledge hammer.  I was in the middle of a counseling session, when my joints spontaneously began hurting.  All of a sudden, I started to feel so weak that I couldn’t believe it, and got a bit frightened.  I had to tell my client “I’m so sorry - I’m not feeling well.  We’ll have to finish this session some other time.”

I then called my husband to come and get me.  By the time I got home, the total body pain was so great I could barely tolerate getting my street clothes off and my p.j.’s on.  After that experience, I started getting my flu shots every year, and never had a recurrence.

Well, I’m here to nag you!  The flu-shot season has officially begun, and according to Dr. William Schaffner, President-elect of the National Foundation for Infectious Diseases, “People should start getting vaccinated now…yesterday, actually.”

There’s an ample supply of vaccine this year - somewhere between 143 to 146 million doses (more than ever before manufactured).  As you probably remember, last year’s vaccine was somewhat inadequate, because a surprise new influenza strain emerged.  The Centers for Disease Control (CDC)  has checked around the world where the flu virus is already circulating, however, and has found that this year’s vaccine is a good match.

For those of you who are stubborn about getting these shots, you should know that flu hospitalizes about 200,000 people a year, and kills about 36,000. 

You have a choice in vaccines.  The old fashioned flu shot is good for all ages, and the nasal vaccine FluMist can be used in healthy people aged 2 to 49. 
The CDC says that 261 million Americans qualify for the shot.  For the first time, the CDC is recommending that every child, age 6 months to 18 years, be inoculated, unless they have a serious egg allergy.  Any child under 9 years of age who is being vaccinated for the first time will need two doses, a month apart.  A single dose suffices for everyone else.

There are scads of local places to get flu shots, and you can find out where at www.findaflushot.com.

Why You Love Junk Food

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Asked by the Pew Research Organization why they choose to eat so much junk food, the respondents overwhelmingly say it’s due to its convenience.  The second most common reason is junk food’s good flavor, and the third reason is because it is so heavily advertised.  Fourth is its affordability, and the final reason why people eat so much junk food is “ignorance of food values.”  Yeah, I really believe that last reason!

Since approximately three-quarters of the respondents eat junk food out of convenience, it seems a good time for them to re-work their lives so that breakfast and dinner are family meals at home, and lunch is considered a lighter repast to keep the engines going during the day.

Want to really relieve stress?  Take off your figurative plate all the overscheduling - running around with too many activities and piling on too many responsibilities.  Two-career homes leave little time for the lovely, “home-y” amenities.  Rethink your lives and you’ll probably live longer, while being healthier and happier.  Having lots of personal possessions and living beyond your means is a disastrous recipe for stress that leads to all kinds of self-destructive behaviors.

The Government is Making Me Eat Healthily!

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All those who don’t follow the guidelines for good eating and no smoking are just going to have fewer choices available to them.  Free will to be self-destructive is about to managed by the government.

The Los Angeles City Council approved a one-year moratorium on new fast-food restaurants in a 32 square-mile area of South Los Angeles, an area plagued by above-average rates of obesity:  30% of adults, as compared with about 21% in the rest of LA.  Nationally, 25.6% of adults are obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

When you look at the realities, an intact family with a homemaker mom or dad (versus a two-career, busy, busy, busy set of parents) generally results in everyone eating less fast food, and more nutritious at-home meals.  But promoting marriage and a division of responsibilities is politically incorrect, isn’t it?

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill into law ordering that, as of 2010, no California restaurant will be able to serve foods containing a harmful form of fats called trans fats.  Baked goods containing trans fats will be banned in California as of 2011.  If a product’s list of ingredients contains the words “partially hydrogenated,” the product contains trans fat, which is used to harden vegetable oils into shortening and margarine to help extend product shelf life.  Trans fats lower “good” cholesterol (HDL) and contribute to other health problems.

According to the New England Journal of Medicine, eliminating artificial trans fats from the food supply “could” prevent between 6 and 19 per cent of heart attacks and related deaths each year. 

Do you think there’ll be an underground market for trans fat products?

San Francisco is ready to become the first city in the nation to ban sales of tobacco products at pharmacies, which last year accounted for almost 20% of U.S. tobacco sales.  The logic is that pharmacies are places people go to get healthy, so cigarettes ought not to be on the shelves as they are a known health hazard. 

Since trans fats are going to be off the supermarket shelves because they’re unhealthy, shouldn’t supermarkets stop selling cigarettes too?

I am all for healthy habits.  I work hard at eating as healthily as possible, generally ordering fish without sauces in restaurants and salad without dressing.  As sauces, gravies, and dressing are very high in calories, perhaps they should be banned from restaurant recipes, or ordered only under a physician’s approval…assuming you already have a very high HDL level.

Lastly, restaurants around the country will soon have to post on menus the exact calorie count of a meal.  It will blow your mind to see what you thought was healthy is actually loaded with hidden calories.  There’s a terrific book, called “Eat This, Not That” which will make your head explode when you find out where calories are hidden in some of your favorite meals.

Kids and Cholesterol Drugs

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The American Academy of Pediatrics estimates that under the current guidelines, thirty per cent of the nation’s children are overweight or obese.  Many doctors fear that a rash of early heart attacks and diabetes will strike these children as they grow older.

The nation’s pediatricians are therefore recommending wider cholesterol screening for children - starting at age two - and more aggressive use of cholesterol-lowering drugs starting as early as eight years of age in hopes of preventing adult heart problems.

Because statins (cholesterol drugs) have been around since only the mid-1980s, there really is no evidence to show whether giving statins to children will, indeed, lower the risk for heart attack in middle age.

The main problem is that we live in a culture which is largely hooked into electronic entertainment and spend too much time feeding one end and not moving the other.

Muscles and Longevity

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I work very hard on fitness.  I’m 61 and can do about one and a half one-handed pushups.  I’m quite proud of that, and thank my trainer, Jason Baker, and my yoga instructor, Pamela Griffin, for years of helping me get in great condition.

A study from the Unit for Preventive Nutrition at the Department of Biosciences and Nutrition at Novum Karolinska Institute in Sweden, presented at the American College of Sports Medicine’s 55th annual meeting, found that men with increased muscular strength are likely to live longer.

The men with decreased muscular strength had a 60% higher risk of cardiovascular disease.  This study further challenged the concept that walking and regular physical activity are the best for preventing heart disease and increasing longevity. 

Instead, they suggest that men start by incorporating weight or resistance training into a daily routine.  The benefits of “muscles” extends beyond the risk of dying from all causes, as muscular strength prevents disability from injury, thereby keeping you more independent for a longer period in your life.

I’m just going to assume that the same is true for women, and I’ll keep pumping that iron!

New Global Warming Threat

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“Obese and overweight people require more fuel to transport them and the food they eat, and the problem will worsen as the population literally swells in size,” a team at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine says.  This adds to food shortages and higher energy prices, say the School’s researchers, Phil Edwards and Ian Roberts, who wrote about this subject in the most recent issue of the medical journal Lancet.

At least 400 million adults worldwide are obese.  The World Health Organization (WHO) projects that by the year 2015, 2.3 billion adults will be overweight and more than 700 million will be obese.  The researchers calculate that these fat and obese people require 18% more energy than someone with a stable Body Mass Index (BMI).

Is the next step giving tax breaks to those who are thin and fit?

Fit, Not Fat

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A study by Harvard-affiliated researchers published in the Archives of Internal Medicine challenges the notion that you can be fat and fit.  They found that being active can lower, but not eliminate heart risks faced by women who are fat or obese.

This new study involved nearly 39,000 women, average age of 54, who filled out a questionnaire at the beginning of the study detailing their height, weight and amount of weekly physical activity in the past year, including walking, jogging, bicycling, and swimming.  They were then tracked for approximately 11 years.

Women were considered “active” if they followed government-recommended guidelines, and got at least 30 minutes of moderate activity most days of the week.  Women who got less exercise than that were considered “inactive.” Weight was evaluated by body mass index (BMI):  a BMI between 25 and 29 is considered overweight, and 30 or higher is considered obese.

Compared with normal-weight active women, the risk for developing heart disease was 54% higher in overweight active women, and 87% higher in obese active women.  By contrast, the risk for developing heart disease was 88% higher in overweight inactive women and 2 1/2 times greater in obese inactive women.

About two in five American women at age 50 will eventually develop heart attacks or other cardiovascular problems according to the Associated Press report (4/29/08).  Excess weight can raise those odds in numerous ways, such as increasing blood pressure and increasing the risks for diabetes, as well as increasing “bad” (LDL) cholesterol.  Exercise counteracts all three.

If there’s one place in the world where there is no excuse for being inactive, it’s southern California.  Between the glorious weather, the hiking trails in the mountains, marked bicycle lanes and more, it’s almost impossible to excuse or explain being out of shape.