Using the Airwaves to Promote Cheating

 Email This Post

I don’t see morality, ethics, or character in too many places in our society these days, so when I do, it’s time for rejoicing and handing out kudos. So, kudos go out to G. Craig Hanson, the president of Simmons Media Group, which owns KXRK-FM radio in Salt Lake City, who dumped a morally repulsive and exploitative commercial off his station.

There’s an infidelity dating service, The Ashley Madison Agency, on the Internet for people “looking for a little something on the side.”  They boast - yechh - over 3.6 million members in the United States and Canada.  These are people looking for a quick “hump” without their dates, fiancés, and spouses knowing anything about it.

The ads are off KXRK-FM, but they’re supposedly still airing in Salt Lake City on 97.5, The Blaze.

The President and CEO of Ashley Madison, Noel Biderman, says he aims to buy TV spots and billboard space in Utah, and labeled as “hypocritical” the media outlets that refuse to take his ads.

You know, I get called “hypocritical” all the time, because it’s a “nice” swear word to use to discount somebody else’s point of view.  A hypocrite actually is someone who says they believe one way, while (secretly) they behave the opposite.  A “teacher” (as opposed to a hypocrite), for example, is someone who formerly smoked and has quit, and now campaigns to get others to do so in order to have a good and healthful life. 

People like Biderman call others who judge them negatively “hypocrites” because, in their world, they can’t imagine people with different values as being real, serious, happy, and successful.  They just see the potential for a dark side in everyone and decide to try to make money off of it.

So, “poo poohs” to Noel Biderman, who wants to provide people with the opportunities to betray their vows and diminish their own characters with ads providing affair “match-ups,” and kudos to KXRK-FM’s president G. Craig Hanson of Salt Lake City who said the scum won’t float on his lake.

Is “Personal Responsibility” a Four-Letter Word?

 Email This Post

My, my, my.  My comments last week on why many men stray from their marriage vows generated more email to me than any one thing I’ve said in years.  85% of the letters I received were wonderfully appreciative and supportive of what I said.  Men and women alike “got” what I was saying and acknowledged the need for husbands and wives to share the responsibility for the health of their marriages. 

One wrote “After seeing you on The Today Show, I asked myself, ‘Am I the kind of wife my husband wants to come home to?’  I look at each day as an opportunity to honor him.  Thank you for challenging me to have the courage to change.  My husband will never go a day without knowing his wife needs, loves and respects him.”

Another person emailed me because my comments motivated her to look at her own issues with the overall concept of personal responsibility.  This young woman wrote that she was motivated by my comments to stop her methamphetamine addiction:

“I have chosen to quit.  Once you stop feeling like such a victim to some inanimate object (the pipe does not jump into your mouth on its own) you realize your power over it.”

Other folks, though, seemed absolutely apoplectic over my point of view that people need to take responsibility for their lives and their relationships. 

Clearly this is the crux of the problem in this country.  The concept of promoting personal responsibility in a society that encourages victims to stay victims and glamorizes the bad behavior of celebrities and politicians seems to be a hot button that makes some folks’ heads explode.  People tend to hold on to their anger, hurt and depression, especially if they don’t have the tools they need to break out of the cycle of personal self-destruction.

That’s why I wrote Stop Whining, Start Living.  I wrote it because I wanted to help people enjoy their lives more and be more content inside themselves.  None of us can do that if we persist in the self-defeating notion that we are victims… that only leads to complaining and not LIVING.

This book is not for people who want to embrace their problems - it’s for people who want to solve them and move on to a more productive and happy life.  If you want to feel more in control of your situations in families, neighborhoods, jobs, etc., then you first have to look inside yourself and see what YOU are doing that you shouldn’t be… or what you are NOT doing that you should be!  This is where the power to change everything comes in.

Some people won’t ever do this.  They hold on to sadness, victimhood and complaints.  But those who read Stop Whining with an open heart and mind will find the keys - through other people’s real experiences and stories - to make their life easier and more pleasurable; to improve their lives as husbands, wives, parents, and friends, and to discover the joy of being an evolved human being.

Getting letters and calls from people who have taken my advice to stop whining and turn themselves into productive members of society is all the inspiration I need to keep on keeping on.  That’s what puts the smile on my face.

Book signing tonight in Costa Mesa, California:  And if you want to see me really smile and you live in L.A. or Orange County, come on down tonight to the Barnes and Noble at the Metro Pointe Mall in Costa Mesa at 7pm.  I’ll be signing copies of the aforementioned new book, Stop Whining, Start Living for all of you who embrace your own personal responsibility.

Go To The Videotape!

 Email This Post

About two months ago, my publisher, Harper Collins, called me up to tell me that The Today Show wanted to interview me in the 8AM hour on Tuesday, March 11, the day that my new book, Stop Whining, Start Living was going to be published.  I said, “Great!”

Last week, I did the “pre-interview” with one of their producers, and they called me back to say they wanted to have my interview go for two segments.  I said “Even better!”

Then, at 4PM on Monday, March 10, they called up and asked if I would also participate in a “panel” segment entitled “Why Men Cheat.”  I went “uh oh.”

I hate doing panels.  I hate all the talking heads shouting over each other.  And I feared they would end up asking about tabloid gossip and not the real topic, but they reaffirmed that they really wanted to hear my opinion about “Why Men Cheat.”

So, silly me, on I went.  Meredith Vieira asked the three panelists, “Why do men cheat?”  Panelist  #1 said that the legacy of promiscuous cavemen has created an evolutionary tendency toward infidelity among today’s men.   Hmmm.

Panelist #2 said something to the effect that men often cheat because they are missing something physically, mentally or emotionally in their relationship with someone.  Who might be responsible for this missing “something” was not specifically mentioned.  Hmm….could it be the wife?  The boss?  Co-workers?

So Panelist #3 (that’s me) responded:

“Men need validation.  When they come into the world they are born of women and getting their validation from mommy is the beginning of needing it from a woman.  And when the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like a hero, he’s very susceptible to the charms of some other woman making him feel what he needs.  And these days women don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give a man what they need.”

Maybe I should have had a sign around my neck that said I was not talking specifically about the governor of New York’s current alleged problems with money transfers and a $5,000 an hour call-girl ring.  Certainly a man who won the governorship of the second largest state in the nation does not sound like a man who needs validation to feel like a success.  I was answering the question asked:  “Why do men cheat?”

Suddenly, the topic WAS about the New York governor.  To my utter amazement, Panelist #1 proclaimed that the New York governor’s high cheekbones and protuberant eyebrows indicated high levels of testosterone which would be a strong indicator of infidelity.

Panelist #2 said that, speaking of testosterone, highly testosteroned people tend not to worry as much about the consequences of the risks they take.  (I guess that explains the use of steroids in baseball).

Ms. Vieira then asked why a man of such power as the New York governor would risk everything to carry on a tawdry relationship.  Note: This was the first time that Ms. Vieira referred to the governor in any way in the entire segment.  Panelist #3 (that’s me!) responded:

“When a person is in a high position of power, especially a man, there is a sense of entitlement and a sense of being…above the law because of the importance of what they do -  because of the importance of who they are.”

Since that fleeting moment, I have been accused of the most heinous of crimes (apparently far worse than the foibles of politicians and celebrities):  giving my opinion and advice. According to The New York Times, Meredith Vieira was “aghast” at my comments.  In the 10 am hour, Ann Curry tried to take me to task for “things that were said about the governor.”  Wrong!  And finally the renowned News Team at The Huffington Post proclaimed “Dr. Laura Blames Spitzer’s Wife”.

In three segments over 2 hours I never made a comment about the Governor’s wife.  And my only direct comment about the Governor was that powerful men sometimes feel an unwarranted sense of entitlement.  I answered the question they asked, not the question I’ve been accused of answering.

Now here’s the good news.  Thank goodness I had bought a new outfit for the program, and I was feeling pretty good yesterday morning, or else I might have gotten a little ticked off that my words were so ludicrously taken out of context.

If you don’t believe me, feel free to go to the videotape (click here).  And don’t whine for me.  I’m having a great time in New York - good friends, good restaurants, and almost-Spring weather.

On a more serious note:  The stories that we see on the news and the Internet 24/7 indicate an epidemic of dysfunctionality in America in the relationships of the powerful, talented, and merely famous.  The sad part is it is only the tip of the iceberg in our society.  And sadder still is knowing that so many children are being hurt by these problems.