Jon & Kate Plus 8

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I can’t believe how many emails I got from those of you who watch that program, Jon & Kate Plus 8.  It’s a reality TV show, and they’re breaking up because he had an affair?  Because she seems to be really mean to him, people have written suggesting I get involved.  NO WAY. 

When I was young, there was a show on PBS, An American Family, that was the same sort of thing.  Cameras were there 24 hours a day, and the family fell apart.  Strangers were there, the family was performing for television, and there were stresses and strains with the celebrity part of it - there shouldn’t even be a celebrity part.  I just think these things are disgusting displays.

Then there was the Jim Carrey movie, The Truman Show, which was about his life being a television show, and he not knowing it.  I remember at the time that people said, “Isn’t this a disgusting thing to do to a person?”  Well, now, people volunteer for it!  So, I have no respect for these parents.  I have no respect for any of the people who do this “reality” stuff. 

My heart goes out to the kids.  Is it humane to children to let their parents exploit them in a television program when their images and intimacies are exposed to everyone for all time when they have no say or control?  Is it in the children’s best interests to be USED as entertainment by two parents so self-absorbed that they put money and celebrity in front of their children’s privacy?  It’s like putting your children in a circus freak show strip and having a barker yelling: “Come in, come in and see what happens to children when their parents use them for your entertainment… It’s exciting, it’s damaging, but you won’t be able to take your eyes off ‘em.  Watch ‘em wiggle. Watch ‘em cry. Watch ‘em squirm.  It’s so much fun…bring popcorn and beer and come watch the show.”

To me, there should be a law that you can’t use kids on TV like this.  It’s one thing when they’re acting, but it’s another thing when they’re being exploited.  I’m surprised that nobody stepped in and said “This is the exploitation of minor children,” although late last week the Pennsylvania Department of Labor said it was looking into whether the show is complying with the state’s child labor law.  But I’m not going to get involved.  There are other show-biz types who have a habit of doing that.  I’m not one of them.

Here’s one of the letters that came into me, and seemed to have the most in-depth information:

I was once a fan of Jon & Kate Plus 8.  I loved watching these children, and seeing them grow. [note: I think it's exploitation]. Only the longer I watched the show, the more disturbed I became with Kate’s treatment of her husband.  I’d turn off the TV feeling deflated rather than uplifted.

Episode after episode, she’d berate and belittle him:  about his weight, his intelligence, and his parenting.  He’d take responsibility for his mistakes, while she’d excuse hers.  I remember one specific episode where he’d taken the day off to help her at home.  Having noticed one of the kids acting up, he put them in a “timeout.”  She went over and said “Daddy’s being mean,” and let them go back and play.  It broke my heart to see his authority continuously undermined in front of his own children.

Recently, at the end of their last season, Jon mentioned he wasn’t up for another season, explaining how he hates how he can’t go out in public and ‘just be Jon.’  Instead, he’s ‘Jon & Kate Plus 8.’  Translation:  he’s the guy on TV who is whipped by his self-centered wife.

Weeks later, all of the scandal broke.  Kate, in a People Magazine interview, said that Jon felt cancelling the show would make him happy, but she didn’t think anything would, so she would do what she felt was right for her family.  What is right for her family is not a television show, but two parents who love each other.

He wanted to cancel the show so the world would no longer see his dirty laundry, his controlling wife, and constant failures.  It may not make him happy, but it would make his life bearable.  What would make him happy is having a wife who cares for him.  I just wish that someone would reach out to that woman and give her a hard shake, before she damages the lives of 8 little ones, and her husband.  It seems silly to be caught up in the lives of ten reality show strangers, but I’ve learned a little something from it.  I gained a better understanding of the Dr. Laura saying:  “Do you want this woman/man to be the mother/father of your 87 children?’ 

Thanks for being a version of reality that I can rely on.

I like that last sentence.  What do we call “entertainment?”  The shows where they have people competing to cook, make clothes, and all that other stuff are such mean shows.  Hostility?  Competitive venom?  I can’t understand why we call this “entertainment.”  The population that enjoys sitting there with popcorn and a beer, watching people be mean, be diminished, and be demoralized is scaring me.

Getting Your Marital Flirt On

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Why should flirting be limited only to single people on a date?    Why do some marriages turn into wars instead of sassy, sexy, and flirty relationships?  One of my listeners actually asked me to offer tips on how to flirt within the context of marriage, and that’s exactly what I do today:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Using the Airwaves to Promote Cheating

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I don’t see morality, ethics, or character in too many places in our society these days, so when I do, it’s time for rejoicing and handing out kudos. So, kudos go out to G. Craig Hanson, the president of Simmons Media Group, which owns KXRK-FM radio in Salt Lake City, who dumped a morally repulsive and exploitative commercial off his station.

There’s an infidelity dating service, The Ashley Madison Agency, on the Internet for people “looking for a little something on the side.”  They boast - yechh - over 3.6 million members in the United States and Canada.  These are people looking for a quick “hump” without their dates, fiancés, and spouses knowing anything about it.

The ads are off KXRK-FM, but they’re supposedly still airing in Salt Lake City on 97.5, The Blaze.

The President and CEO of Ashley Madison, Noel Biderman, says he aims to buy TV spots and billboard space in Utah, and labeled as “hypocritical” the media outlets that refuse to take his ads.

You know, I get called “hypocritical” all the time, because it’s a “nice” swear word to use to discount somebody else’s point of view.  A hypocrite actually is someone who says they believe one way, while (secretly) they behave the opposite.  A “teacher” (as opposed to a hypocrite), for example, is someone who formerly smoked and has quit, and now campaigns to get others to do so in order to have a good and healthful life. 

People like Biderman call others who judge them negatively “hypocrites” because, in their world, they can’t imagine people with different values as being real, serious, happy, and successful.  They just see the potential for a dark side in everyone and decide to try to make money off of it.

So, “poo poohs” to Noel Biderman, who wants to provide people with the opportunities to betray their vows and diminish their own characters with ads providing affair “match-ups,” and kudos to KXRK-FM’s president G. Craig Hanson of Salt Lake City who said the scum won’t float on his lake.

Cleaning Up My Dirty, Sweaty Husband

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A puzzled listener wrote me about her otherwise wonderful husband who comes in after working outdoors and drags in the dirt and odors with seemingly no desire to clean himself up or the mess he brings inside. My response gets to the heart of the differences between men and women:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

How to Choose A Mate

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Recently, a male listener, with a very undeveloped maturity bone, called to complain about his new wife.  It seemed that she was no longer the party girl he dated for two months prior to the well-thought out marriage, and he was upset that she was starting to “nest.”  How utterly disappointing and boring.

I told him he had to dump her and find a drug addicted, alcoholic, promiscuous hussy to marry to keep the party going.   And then I went onto the next caller.  It was that kind of day.

It is important, though, to know what you want when you date; it saves time and emotion.  CNN.com recently posted a blog by Wendy Atterberry entitled, “Seven Traits to Investigate on a First Date.”  The seven were:

1.  Pet situation,
2.  Employment status
3.  Dream vacation
4.  Perfect Saturday night,
5.  Perfect Sunday afternoon
6.  Romantic aspirations … dating for fun or marriage?
7.  Kissing style.
    
My take is that #6 should determine whether or not to even have a date in the first place.  I have told many women on my program that they should inquire as to the long-term intentions of the man before or at the beginning of the first date. “I’m dating to look for someone to share my life with and help raise my 84 children in a forever marriage…and why are you dating?” would be a good start as far as I’m concerned.   If you both want to party, or only one is serious…it’s important to know.

Numbers 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, are interesting and have importance down the line for the sake of mutual interest and compatibility of lifestyle, although a lot of that can change when one is in love.

Number 2, employment status, is another one of those significant facts to know before you agree to a date.  Folks who are flaky, unstable, unmotivated or unprepared for adult lives shouldn’t date.

I was seriously stunned that the most important issues - for example, religion –  were left out.  It is an important bonding agent to have mutual spiritual identities.  Relationship with parents is also important, as it tells you a lot about the health of the extended family.  The desire to have children and about how many is an important issue, as is the determination to raise and love children or pay hired help to “raise” them and watch them grow from a busy distance.  Finances, debts, and philosophy of saving versus spending would be good to know in advance too. 

Hobbies and other activities which can both build interest and mutual experiences, or interfere with the relationship and leave someone lonely are important as well.  Politics and life philosophy discussions would reveal similarities and differences (not always bad) in expectations, preferences, and attitudes    

Am I kidding?  Do I really think you folks should talk this seriously on the first date?  Shouldn’t you just marinate in each other’s furtive, sensual glances?

No, I am not kidding.  Yes…even before the first date if you’re spending some “get to know you” phone time.  And yes…romantic glances are wonderful.

Why Men Choose to Be Wusses

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Lately I have chastised a number of male callers for being “wussy.” This label is often pinned on their wilted chests after I give some great advice which requires them to actually stand up at home and proclaim: “I am a man - not an animal!”…oh wait, that’s from the movie “Elephant Man.”

Well, basically the problem is that most men today are afraid of their women.  Their wives can nag them into a grave and or cut ‘em off from any affection, attention, appreciation and sex.  That’s pretty powerful stuff.  And then women wonder why they don’t have passion and respect for their men.

I asked aloud on my radio program for men to tell me why they’ve cut off their own “giblets” by not taking care of business at home, even if their wives disagree with stuff that should be common sense (like the case of a 12 year old girl, who was wearing a thong and a short skirt which started and ended at her pubic area).

Neil, a listener, sent this answer: “As a faithful listener and devotee of your program, I have heard you scold men for being afraid of the wives/women, instructing them to act like or be a man. As a man, I heartily applaud your directives and only wish it were that easy - to simply snap out of a momentary distraction or passing lack of strength.  Sadly and scarily, it is far from a mere lapse of attention or fortitude - we are in a veritable struggle for our male lives against an angry, entitled and politicized culture that belittles the role of fathers (sperm banks and single motherhood), demands equality just for starters and purveys an attitude of supremacy in schools (where two-thirds of today’s college grads are females), the workplace and at home.

“If only it were a matter of putting our collective foot down and simply demand respect, most of us men, husbands and fathers, would gladly oblige…stepping up to the plate to shoulder our responsibilities to protect and provide and lead - as we always have.
   
“But when you’re fighting with one arm tied behind your back, skating on a sheet of ice as the rules continually change without notice, there’s little chance of success.

“So, we back off, uncertain even of what it means to be a man; confused about what is expected, further unsure about what we will be allowed to do.  And, while I pity the beaten man today, I fear even more for the women, families and societies of tomorrow, who will bear the consequences of all of this misguided anti-male/masculinity behavior today.”

I second his concern.

Women Should Be More Accountable Than Men For the Well-Being of Children

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I understand that Ann Coulter - not a woman to mince words - has been on numerous radio and television programs pointing out that most of the children and young adults with all sorts of emotional, educational, criminal, and relationship problems are the product of un-wed mothers.  While on the television program “The View,” the one conservative co-host challenged Ms. Coulter by suggesting that this is the problem because of the men who walk away from their responsibilities.  The audience went wild with enthusiasm, undoubtedly happy that the “blame” moved from women to men.

Frankly, my friends - that really doesn’t wash.  Of course a man should feel and be morally responsible and obligated to the children of his loins.  However, women’s bodies are the place where the creation and gestation of new life occurs - which gives them the greater obligation to be circumspect about when and with whom they have sexual intercourse.  Many women, lesbian or heterosexual, are having babies without the participation of a father in the child’s life … on purpose!  Many women have abortions against the wishes of the man who would be “father.”  The situation is therefore quite complicated.

Yet the fact remains: the optimal circumstance in which to raise a child is in the bosom of a married mom and dad.  Facts are facts, in spite of emotions.  That there are exceptions gives hope to the few, and ignores the pain of the many.

I hold women more accountable for the well-being of children because they have the majority of the power; legally, physiologically, and emotionally.

But I Just Don’t Feel Like It

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How many times have you heard yourself say “But I just don’t feel like ________.” (Go ahead and fill in the blank). We’ve all done it.

But one of my listeners was inspired to banish that phrase from her vocabulary after reading a comment from an unlikely source.

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read the transcript here.