Your Words Have Changed My Marriage

 Email This Post

This is from Michelle:

Dear Dr. Laura:

A few weeks ago, you had a caller who was contemplating divorce, because her husband wasn’t being nice and, in turn, she wasn’t being nice to her young son.  During the call, the little boy started crying and to calm him, she picked him up and he immediately stopped.  You told her of the power of a mother’s arms, and you told her that if she would just treat her husband the same way, he would melt just as her son did.  I thought about it, but forgot to do anything, and then I listened to the program again this week.  It was like you were personally talking to me.

I have been married for 16 years to a wonderful man who has been the sole financial provider for all that time so I can be an at-home mom to our teenage son and daughter.  While I always thank him for making this possible, unfortunately, my attitude has been ‘well, while you were at work all day, I had to deal with very important things like toddler meltdowns to teenager meltdowns.’  But your words changed all that.

Last night, my husband arrived home after a business trip to find out we have some unexpected, high medical bills for our son (he has special needs so, while this has happened before, now is a particularly hard financial time).  Instead of me attacking my husband and telling him I had to consent to all the tests which resulted in the bill, I took your advice.  I held him in my arms and said:  ‘This must be so hard for you, when you work so hard and you plan all the finances for our family, to have something so big come up when you don’t expect it.  I really appreciate you supporting this family, and I feel our kids are so blessed to have you as their dad.’

Dr. Laura, he melted, just as you said he would.  We went on to have a lovely night, planning how we would pay for this bill and then talking about other things.  If I had not taken your advice, we both would have been angry and sulking and it would have lasted for days.  You reminded me that even though my sweet husband is a big, strong provider, he still needs compassion and comfort.  How blessed am I that I could provide that for him.

Your words have changed my life and my marriage, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Keep helping people do the right thing.

Spicy Language in the Marital Bed

 Email This Post

I got an “R-rated” question from a listener this week.  If you’ve ever given thought to the nature of your verbal exchanges during passionate moments with your spouse, you’ll want to listen to my answer:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Cheating Husband Does Public Penance

 Email This Post

William Taylor, from a Washington, D.C. suburb, cheated on his wife.  How do I know that?  Because he held a sign near Tyson’s Corner Mall that read:  “I cheated and this is my punishment.”  He stayed out on the corner for most of the morning commute, creating quite a commotion.  He and his wife brokered the deal.  He figured he had to do what she asked in order to make things right.

When Fox TV interviewed women, they all loved the idea.  The print version of the story appeared on www.foxnews.com and it was followed by a series of reader comments.  Some of the responses suggested that castration was the best punishment for infidelity.  One (obviously male) writer pointed out that women seem to enjoy publicly humiliating men, but would not tolerate the reverse for exactly the same situation.

That is true.  Feminism’s perspective is that no matter what a woman does, it is the man’s fault, and whatever a man does is the man’s fault.  Hypothetical example:  a man and woman rob a bank.  He’s a bad guy, and she is duped, clouded by love, or dominated by his will.  She’s a sad victim, instead of a co-conspirator.  Another example:  a married man has an affair which lasts two weeks.  He comes guilt-ridden to his wife and confesses.  He tells her he’s been so emotionally and sexually ignored by her for ten years, that he just absolutely needed some feminine attention and affection.  She ignores everything that comes after the confession and spends her time punishing him and whining to all who will listen.

Women rarely take responsibility for any negative relationship issues, and that’s largely because of the feminist brainwashing which has made them see all men as Darth Vader. 

Here’s another point:  in the development of our country, being humiliated in the public square was a standard form of punishment — remember “stocks” and “pillories” from American history class?  There is something positive to be said about this concept of punishment - for men or women. 

When we lived in small communities, the power of shame was potent, and probably dissuaded many from inappropriate behavior of all sorts.  The thought of being embarrassed in public is horrendous to most people, since our reputations are everything in interpersonal relationships.

I bet that a lot of spouses, seeing this fellow out there, will remember him when they consider straying.  Consider it a kind of prophylactic for infidelity.

Anne Heche Plays The Blame Game

 Email This Post

I usually spend little to no time at all on the “celebrity” sections of Internet news sites.  Frankly, I don’t care what celebrities are doing, except in a performance for which I pay good money.  Every now and then, however, something comes to my attention that does make me want to comment.  This time, it’s about actress Anne Heche.

Apparently, Anne Heche went on the Late Show with David Letterman and ragged on her ex-husband.  She made fun of him collecting checks from her (as mandated by the court as spousal support) following their divorce.

Tacky, mean, vindictive and very self-serving.

Not long ago, I took a call from a woman who was complaining about her ex-shack-up honey’s girlfriend, (the “homewrecker” as she called her).  Here’s the gist of how that call went:

Me: Is this woman someone who took vows of fidelity to you?
Caller:  NO
Me:  Is this man someone who took vows of fidelity to you?
Caller:  NO.
Me: Is this man someone you simply shacked up with without a commitment?
Caller:  YES.
Me: Did you decide to create two children in this insecure situation?
Caller:  YES
Me: And you’re mad at HER???

While these two situations seem unrelated, they most certainly are related.  How?  When a person makes foolish decisions and then complains about the most typical, logical and predictable outcome, that is a person totally out of touch with the reality of life.  YOU make choices;  YOU should be willing to take responsibility for those choices and stop looking and acting as if you are an innocent victim of life’s tidal waves.

Anne Heche did a terrible thing to her ex-husband by humiliating him in public.  What did he do to earn that?  The court mandated the financial support.  I don’t know the quality of choice she made in a husband, nor do I know what quality of wife she was.  All I see is that she is not classy, and that she takes no public responsibility for the demise of her marriage.

Blaming everything and everyone else may be humorous if you do it on the Letterman show, but it doesn’t speak to the truth (and ultimately, we all live with the truth).  She should have said nothing, or added “y’know, I have to take responsibility for my choices and actions here.  I don’t like that a grown man is taking spousal support, but I have some responsibility for this marital fiasco too.”  Now THAT would be classy….and closer to the truth.

Married, But In Love with Ex

 Email This Post

The whirlwind courtship is over and hopefully you settle into a great marriage.  Sometimes, however, you feel a “tug” from the past and think you’re in love with someone other than your spouse.  That’s what happened to one of my listeners, who wrote me, wondering if she had a problem:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here

Dad’s Different in the New Marriage

 Email This Post

I always talk about how divorce adversely affects children, but this week, I got a letter from a 13 year old who tells you herself how her Dad’s new marriage has impacted her.

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Unbelievable Feminista Hogwash About Quality Husbands

 Email This Post

A female professor from Oxford University in England, in an article published in the Journal of Population Economics, has decided that American and British men (who don’t mind lending a hand when it comes to housework), make the best husbands, while Australian men are the worst.  She’s also “decided” that Norway, Sweden, and Northern Ireland, where men “lend a hand in housework,” are egalitarian countries which produce better husbands.

I say:  unbelievable feminista hogwash!!  The professor’s definition of a good husband is ridiculous.  Men who are sexually faithful, who work hard to provide for and protect their families, who take care of the plumbing and the lawn are not good husbands, because they don’t do what used to be called “women’s work.”  This is just one more salvo in the war against masculinity, in which men are completely emasculated because they’re told that they’re neither good men nor good husbands unless they fold the laundry.

When women call me complaining about such things (usually women who are at home), I ask them if they drive their husband’s route in traffic every day, or if they deal with difficult bosses or co-workers, or if they aren’t able to take breaks whenever they choose or take care of all the car and house repair issues.  They say “no,” but expect him to do housework in addition to all his other responsibilities.

In those situations where both husband and wife have full-time jobs, and there’s a “war” about who’s going to take care of household chores, I say they should budget and pay for part-time housecleaning help, or one of them ought to reassess their life and decide if having no one at home to make a nest is worth the money they both make.

There are biological and psychological imperatives in females for nesting/child care, and in males for conquering/protecting.  When these are turned inside out, there is usually (but not always) a reaction in the female to feel less respectful and sexual toward her mate.  Women don’t stare at skinny guys with spectacles when they walk by, but they do stare at Bowflex-toned commercial male actors with huge pecs and biceps.  Why?  It’s the animal attraction of a male who, potentially, is sexually healthy enough to produce offspring and then provide and protect.

Women who want emasculated men generally have huge hostility issues with masculinity (which they got from their mothers or the feminist teachers of their women’s studies courses), and want to be able to control the man (never as much as their mother could) or are just too scared of their normal natural dependency on a real man.

A better study would be to find out what household situations make MEN happiest, because those are the ones which, overall, are going to attract the men who make the best husbands.  Happy husbands spend more time with their families, and would swim through shark-infested waters for them.  This particular study?   Just another piece of feminist propaganda flotsam.

Diary of a Recovering “Bad” Wife

 Email This Post

I got this email from a self-described former “bad” wife, and I’ll let it speak for itself:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Some people are recovering alcoholics.  I am a recovering bad wife.  I don’t know much about the 12 step programs, but from the little TV I watch, I recall that the first step is to recognize that you have a problem, so here I go:

 My name is S., and I am a bad wife.  My addiction is not alcohol.  My addiction is the “blame-it-all-on-the-husband” or “take-it-all-out-on-the-husband addiction.

I know you’ve described all of my symptoms much better than I can and much more eloquently in “The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands,” and that you’ve also given me the solutions to become a better wife, but I think my first step needs to be acknowledging my problem.

I acknowledge that I have too much on my plate, and that I cannot do it all well, and that my husband’s needs and desires have been at the bottom of my priority list for a long time.  People will tell you I am a really nice person, always ready to help, and yet the one person I should be caring about the most (my husband), does not get the respect, the love, and the care that he deserves.

As of today, I am no longer a bad wife.  I am a recovering bad wife, and I vow to be the girlfriend and wife my husband deserves.

Thank you, Dr. Laura, for hammering good sense into my head.

S.