Giving Birth In Front of an Audience

 Email This Post

During my college years in the Sixties, “empowerment” and “consciousness-raising” were the main focus of existence, even though these concepts were largely used to insist that you were a victim of something or someone just for being female.

Well, fast forward to now, and one young, married woman in her twenties has decided that giving birth live on the Internet is empowering to women!  The use of that term in this circumstance cracks me up.  I remember, during my loooong labor, my husband saying that he was going to leave to get a cup of coffee.  I threatened him with “if you leave…never come back!!”  I guess that threat was “empowerment,” but giving birth in public or private is one of our least powerful times.  We are completely at the mercy of a baby who is usually saying “Hell, no, I won’t go.”

Nonetheless, this woman has decided that taking something personal and making it public is empowering and educational and spreading joy.  Oh, puleeze!  In our sadly growing exhibitionist, voyeuristic, reality show mentality of a society, this is how people become “important,” known, and “famous.”

The point of “personal” is that something is perfected by its modesty, and sharing is not an issue of public promotion, but an opportunity for a few people to embrace a meaningful moment of experience.  Experiences and moments that are universal (like child-bearing) are not educational.  The childbirth is going to be posted on a mom website, which means that they’ve all been there and done that.

Her husband is marginalized.  She admits that he was “hesitant” at first, but I’m sure he ultimately had no say.  There aren’t too many decent men who want to share the birth of their first child with a camera crew and a blog audience - that makes Daddy less special and less involved.

It’s all just sad to me.  And what happens after the event, when the thrill, the attention and adrenaline of being in the spotlight goes away?  What is she going to do with this kid to keep the flow going?  Think Jon and Kate.  Think “sad” for the children who become the means of their parents’ moment in the light, in ways other than simply enjoying their first smiles and first steps.

Test Driving the Intimacy

 Email This Post

Waiting until marriage to have sex seems old-fashioned to some young women who think you need to take your prospective partner for a test drive in that department.  I think that’s not a good argument.  Here’s why:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Video Gamer

 Email This Post

What do you do when the video game in your household becomes more attractive to your spouse than anything else?  And he gets angry if anyone distracts him?  That’s the question I tackle in today’s video blog:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Your Words Have Changed My Marriage

 Email This Post

This is from Michelle:

Dear Dr. Laura:

A few weeks ago, you had a caller who was contemplating divorce, because her husband wasn’t being nice and, in turn, she wasn’t being nice to her young son.  During the call, the little boy started crying and to calm him, she picked him up and he immediately stopped.  You told her of the power of a mother’s arms, and you told her that if she would just treat her husband the same way, he would melt just as her son did.  I thought about it, but forgot to do anything, and then I listened to the program again this week.  It was like you were personally talking to me.

I have been married for 16 years to a wonderful man who has been the sole financial provider for all that time so I can be an at-home mom to our teenage son and daughter.  While I always thank him for making this possible, unfortunately, my attitude has been ‘well, while you were at work all day, I had to deal with very important things like toddler meltdowns to teenager meltdowns.’  But your words changed all that.

Last night, my husband arrived home after a business trip to find out we have some unexpected, high medical bills for our son (he has special needs so, while this has happened before, now is a particularly hard financial time).  Instead of me attacking my husband and telling him I had to consent to all the tests which resulted in the bill, I took your advice.  I held him in my arms and said:  ‘This must be so hard for you, when you work so hard and you plan all the finances for our family, to have something so big come up when you don’t expect it.  I really appreciate you supporting this family, and I feel our kids are so blessed to have you as their dad.’

Dr. Laura, he melted, just as you said he would.  We went on to have a lovely night, planning how we would pay for this bill and then talking about other things.  If I had not taken your advice, we both would have been angry and sulking and it would have lasted for days.  You reminded me that even though my sweet husband is a big, strong provider, he still needs compassion and comfort.  How blessed am I that I could provide that for him.

Your words have changed my life and my marriage, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Keep helping people do the right thing.

Spicy Language in the Marital Bed

 Email This Post

I got an “R-rated” question from a listener this week.  If you’ve ever given thought to the nature of your verbal exchanges during passionate moments with your spouse, you’ll want to listen to my answer:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Cheating Husband Does Public Penance

 Email This Post

William Taylor, from a Washington, D.C. suburb, cheated on his wife.  How do I know that?  Because he held a sign near Tyson’s Corner Mall that read:  “I cheated and this is my punishment.”  He stayed out on the corner for most of the morning commute, creating quite a commotion.  He and his wife brokered the deal.  He figured he had to do what she asked in order to make things right.

When Fox TV interviewed women, they all loved the idea.  The print version of the story appeared on www.foxnews.com and it was followed by a series of reader comments.  Some of the responses suggested that castration was the best punishment for infidelity.  One (obviously male) writer pointed out that women seem to enjoy publicly humiliating men, but would not tolerate the reverse for exactly the same situation.

That is true.  Feminism’s perspective is that no matter what a woman does, it is the man’s fault, and whatever a man does is the man’s fault.  Hypothetical example:  a man and woman rob a bank.  He’s a bad guy, and she is duped, clouded by love, or dominated by his will.  She’s a sad victim, instead of a co-conspirator.  Another example:  a married man has an affair which lasts two weeks.  He comes guilt-ridden to his wife and confesses.  He tells her he’s been so emotionally and sexually ignored by her for ten years, that he just absolutely needed some feminine attention and affection.  She ignores everything that comes after the confession and spends her time punishing him and whining to all who will listen.

Women rarely take responsibility for any negative relationship issues, and that’s largely because of the feminist brainwashing which has made them see all men as Darth Vader. 

Here’s another point:  in the development of our country, being humiliated in the public square was a standard form of punishment — remember “stocks” and “pillories” from American history class?  There is something positive to be said about this concept of punishment - for men or women. 

When we lived in small communities, the power of shame was potent, and probably dissuaded many from inappropriate behavior of all sorts.  The thought of being embarrassed in public is horrendous to most people, since our reputations are everything in interpersonal relationships.

I bet that a lot of spouses, seeing this fellow out there, will remember him when they consider straying.  Consider it a kind of prophylactic for infidelity.

Anne Heche Plays The Blame Game

 Email This Post

I usually spend little to no time at all on the “celebrity” sections of Internet news sites.  Frankly, I don’t care what celebrities are doing, except in a performance for which I pay good money.  Every now and then, however, something comes to my attention that does make me want to comment.  This time, it’s about actress Anne Heche.

Apparently, Anne Heche went on the Late Show with David Letterman and ragged on her ex-husband.  She made fun of him collecting checks from her (as mandated by the court as spousal support) following their divorce.

Tacky, mean, vindictive and very self-serving.

Not long ago, I took a call from a woman who was complaining about her ex-shack-up honey’s girlfriend, (the “homewrecker” as she called her).  Here’s the gist of how that call went:

Me: Is this woman someone who took vows of fidelity to you?
Caller:  NO
Me:  Is this man someone who took vows of fidelity to you?
Caller:  NO.
Me: Is this man someone you simply shacked up with without a commitment?
Caller:  YES.
Me: Did you decide to create two children in this insecure situation?
Caller:  YES
Me: And you’re mad at HER???

While these two situations seem unrelated, they most certainly are related.  How?  When a person makes foolish decisions and then complains about the most typical, logical and predictable outcome, that is a person totally out of touch with the reality of life.  YOU make choices;  YOU should be willing to take responsibility for those choices and stop looking and acting as if you are an innocent victim of life’s tidal waves.

Anne Heche did a terrible thing to her ex-husband by humiliating him in public.  What did he do to earn that?  The court mandated the financial support.  I don’t know the quality of choice she made in a husband, nor do I know what quality of wife she was.  All I see is that she is not classy, and that she takes no public responsibility for the demise of her marriage.

Blaming everything and everyone else may be humorous if you do it on the Letterman show, but it doesn’t speak to the truth (and ultimately, we all live with the truth).  She should have said nothing, or added “y’know, I have to take responsibility for my choices and actions here.  I don’t like that a grown man is taking spousal support, but I have some responsibility for this marital fiasco too.”  Now THAT would be classy….and closer to the truth.

Married, But In Love with Ex

 Email This Post

The whirlwind courtship is over and hopefully you settle into a great marriage.  Sometimes, however, you feel a “tug” from the past and think you’re in love with someone other than your spouse.  That’s what happened to one of my listeners, who wrote me, wondering if she had a problem:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here