Dad’s Different in the New Marriage

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I always talk about how divorce adversely affects children, but this week, I got a letter from a 13 year old who tells you herself how her Dad’s new marriage has impacted her.

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Read transcript here.

Unbelievable Feminista Hogwash About Quality Husbands

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A female professor from Oxford University in England, in an article published in the Journal of Population Economics, has decided that American and British men (who don’t mind lending a hand when it comes to housework), make the best husbands, while Australian men are the worst.  She’s also “decided” that Norway, Sweden, and Northern Ireland, where men “lend a hand in housework,” are egalitarian countries which produce better husbands.

I say:  unbelievable feminista hogwash!!  The professor’s definition of a good husband is ridiculous.  Men who are sexually faithful, who work hard to provide for and protect their families, who take care of the plumbing and the lawn are not good husbands, because they don’t do what used to be called “women’s work.”  This is just one more salvo in the war against masculinity, in which men are completely emasculated because they’re told that they’re neither good men nor good husbands unless they fold the laundry.

When women call me complaining about such things (usually women who are at home), I ask them if they drive their husband’s route in traffic every day, or if they deal with difficult bosses or co-workers, or if they aren’t able to take breaks whenever they choose or take care of all the car and house repair issues.  They say “no,” but expect him to do housework in addition to all his other responsibilities.

In those situations where both husband and wife have full-time jobs, and there’s a “war” about who’s going to take care of household chores, I say they should budget and pay for part-time housecleaning help, or one of them ought to reassess their life and decide if having no one at home to make a nest is worth the money they both make.

There are biological and psychological imperatives in females for nesting/child care, and in males for conquering/protecting.  When these are turned inside out, there is usually (but not always) a reaction in the female to feel less respectful and sexual toward her mate.  Women don’t stare at skinny guys with spectacles when they walk by, but they do stare at Bowflex-toned commercial male actors with huge pecs and biceps.  Why?  It’s the animal attraction of a male who, potentially, is sexually healthy enough to produce offspring and then provide and protect.

Women who want emasculated men generally have huge hostility issues with masculinity (which they got from their mothers or the feminist teachers of their women’s studies courses), and want to be able to control the man (never as much as their mother could) or are just too scared of their normal natural dependency on a real man.

A better study would be to find out what household situations make MEN happiest, because those are the ones which, overall, are going to attract the men who make the best husbands.  Happy husbands spend more time with their families, and would swim through shark-infested waters for them.  This particular study?   Just another piece of feminist propaganda flotsam.

Diary of a Recovering “Bad” Wife

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I got this email from a self-described former “bad” wife, and I’ll let it speak for itself:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Some people are recovering alcoholics.  I am a recovering bad wife.  I don’t know much about the 12 step programs, but from the little TV I watch, I recall that the first step is to recognize that you have a problem, so here I go:

 My name is S., and I am a bad wife.  My addiction is not alcohol.  My addiction is the “blame-it-all-on-the-husband” or “take-it-all-out-on-the-husband addiction.

I know you’ve described all of my symptoms much better than I can and much more eloquently in “The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands,” and that you’ve also given me the solutions to become a better wife, but I think my first step needs to be acknowledging my problem.

I acknowledge that I have too much on my plate, and that I cannot do it all well, and that my husband’s needs and desires have been at the bottom of my priority list for a long time.  People will tell you I am a really nice person, always ready to help, and yet the one person I should be caring about the most (my husband), does not get the respect, the love, and the care that he deserves.

As of today, I am no longer a bad wife.  I am a recovering bad wife, and I vow to be the girlfriend and wife my husband deserves.

Thank you, Dr. Laura, for hammering good sense into my head.

S.

Divorced, But We Get Along

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As you’ve heard on my radio program, sometimes when people get divorced, they can’t stand to be in the same room with each other.  This week, I got a question with a slightly different twist:  should divorced parents (who aren’t constantly in “battle mode”) get together occasionally for family dinners?

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Read transcript here.

Jon & Kate Plus 8

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I can’t believe how many emails I got from those of you who watch that program, Jon & Kate Plus 8.  It’s a reality TV show, and they’re breaking up because he had an affair?  Because she seems to be really mean to him, people have written suggesting I get involved.  NO WAY. 

When I was young, there was a show on PBS, An American Family, that was the same sort of thing.  Cameras were there 24 hours a day, and the family fell apart.  Strangers were there, the family was performing for television, and there were stresses and strains with the celebrity part of it - there shouldn’t even be a celebrity part.  I just think these things are disgusting displays.

Then there was the Jim Carrey movie, The Truman Show, which was about his life being a television show, and he not knowing it.  I remember at the time that people said, “Isn’t this a disgusting thing to do to a person?”  Well, now, people volunteer for it!  So, I have no respect for these parents.  I have no respect for any of the people who do this “reality” stuff. 

My heart goes out to the kids.  Is it humane to children to let their parents exploit them in a television program when their images and intimacies are exposed to everyone for all time when they have no say or control?  Is it in the children’s best interests to be USED as entertainment by two parents so self-absorbed that they put money and celebrity in front of their children’s privacy?  It’s like putting your children in a circus freak show strip and having a barker yelling: “Come in, come in and see what happens to children when their parents use them for your entertainment… It’s exciting, it’s damaging, but you won’t be able to take your eyes off ‘em.  Watch ‘em wiggle. Watch ‘em cry. Watch ‘em squirm.  It’s so much fun…bring popcorn and beer and come watch the show.”

To me, there should be a law that you can’t use kids on TV like this.  It’s one thing when they’re acting, but it’s another thing when they’re being exploited.  I’m surprised that nobody stepped in and said “This is the exploitation of minor children,” although late last week the Pennsylvania Department of Labor said it was looking into whether the show is complying with the state’s child labor law.  But I’m not going to get involved.  There are other show-biz types who have a habit of doing that.  I’m not one of them.

Here’s one of the letters that came into me, and seemed to have the most in-depth information:

I was once a fan of Jon & Kate Plus 8.  I loved watching these children, and seeing them grow. [note: I think it's exploitation]. Only the longer I watched the show, the more disturbed I became with Kate’s treatment of her husband.  I’d turn off the TV feeling deflated rather than uplifted.

Episode after episode, she’d berate and belittle him:  about his weight, his intelligence, and his parenting.  He’d take responsibility for his mistakes, while she’d excuse hers.  I remember one specific episode where he’d taken the day off to help her at home.  Having noticed one of the kids acting up, he put them in a “timeout.”  She went over and said “Daddy’s being mean,” and let them go back and play.  It broke my heart to see his authority continuously undermined in front of his own children.

Recently, at the end of their last season, Jon mentioned he wasn’t up for another season, explaining how he hates how he can’t go out in public and ‘just be Jon.’  Instead, he’s ‘Jon & Kate Plus 8.’  Translation:  he’s the guy on TV who is whipped by his self-centered wife.

Weeks later, all of the scandal broke.  Kate, in a People Magazine interview, said that Jon felt cancelling the show would make him happy, but she didn’t think anything would, so she would do what she felt was right for her family.  What is right for her family is not a television show, but two parents who love each other.

He wanted to cancel the show so the world would no longer see his dirty laundry, his controlling wife, and constant failures.  It may not make him happy, but it would make his life bearable.  What would make him happy is having a wife who cares for him.  I just wish that someone would reach out to that woman and give her a hard shake, before she damages the lives of 8 little ones, and her husband.  It seems silly to be caught up in the lives of ten reality show strangers, but I’ve learned a little something from it.  I gained a better understanding of the Dr. Laura saying:  “Do you want this woman/man to be the mother/father of your 87 children?’ 

Thanks for being a version of reality that I can rely on.

I like that last sentence.  What do we call “entertainment?”  The shows where they have people competing to cook, make clothes, and all that other stuff are such mean shows.  Hostility?  Competitive venom?  I can’t understand why we call this “entertainment.”  The population that enjoys sitting there with popcorn and a beer, watching people be mean, be diminished, and be demoralized is scaring me.

Getting Your Marital Flirt On

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Why should flirting be limited only to single people on a date?    Why do some marriages turn into wars instead of sassy, sexy, and flirty relationships?  One of my listeners actually asked me to offer tips on how to flirt within the context of marriage, and that’s exactly what I do today:

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Read transcript here.

Using the Airwaves to Promote Cheating

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I don’t see morality, ethics, or character in too many places in our society these days, so when I do, it’s time for rejoicing and handing out kudos. So, kudos go out to G. Craig Hanson, the president of Simmons Media Group, which owns KXRK-FM radio in Salt Lake City, who dumped a morally repulsive and exploitative commercial off his station.

There’s an infidelity dating service, The Ashley Madison Agency, on the Internet for people “looking for a little something on the side.”  They boast - yechh - over 3.6 million members in the United States and Canada.  These are people looking for a quick “hump” without their dates, fiancés, and spouses knowing anything about it.

The ads are off KXRK-FM, but they’re supposedly still airing in Salt Lake City on 97.5, The Blaze.

The President and CEO of Ashley Madison, Noel Biderman, says he aims to buy TV spots and billboard space in Utah, and labeled as “hypocritical” the media outlets that refuse to take his ads.

You know, I get called “hypocritical” all the time, because it’s a “nice” swear word to use to discount somebody else’s point of view.  A hypocrite actually is someone who says they believe one way, while (secretly) they behave the opposite.  A “teacher” (as opposed to a hypocrite), for example, is someone who formerly smoked and has quit, and now campaigns to get others to do so in order to have a good and healthful life. 

People like Biderman call others who judge them negatively “hypocrites” because, in their world, they can’t imagine people with different values as being real, serious, happy, and successful.  They just see the potential for a dark side in everyone and decide to try to make money off of it.

So, “poo poohs” to Noel Biderman, who wants to provide people with the opportunities to betray their vows and diminish their own characters with ads providing affair “match-ups,” and kudos to KXRK-FM’s president G. Craig Hanson of Salt Lake City who said the scum won’t float on his lake.

Cleaning Up My Dirty, Sweaty Husband

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A puzzled listener wrote me about her otherwise wonderful husband who comes in after working outdoors and drags in the dirt and odors with seemingly no desire to clean himself up or the mess he brings inside. My response gets to the heart of the differences between men and women:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.