Category Archives: Oprah Winfrey

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Recently, I received an email from one of my listeners.  I thought it was so funny I had to share it with you.

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

SARAH PALIN:  Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA:  The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN:  My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.  But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY:  Where’s my gun?

COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.  What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions.  I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken doesn’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.  I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.  No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA:  In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn’t that interesting?  In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:  I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.  Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one?

Shame on Oprah!

Here’s a simple test for you to contemplate: 
What do you get when you leave a golden retriever dog in a car on a hot day with the windows cracked a bit, and the dog dies from being cooked in that car oven?  Well, you get arrested for felony animal cruelty, with bail set at $20,000 while you await your trial, which, if convicted, will get you about three years in jail.

Okay, did you get that one right?  Probably.  Next test is:  What do you get when you leave a human child in a car on a hot day with the window not cracked a bit, and the child dies from being cooked in that car oven?  You get to be on Oprah! with an entire audience of dewy-eyed women exuding understanding and sympathy.

Disgusting.

Here are a few view responses to that program:
“I too saw that Oprah episode.  I scoffed and hissed as I watched the ‘sympathetic nodding’ of Oprah’s audience who were apparently relating to the distracted, forgetful ‘busyness’ of a mother who was asked by her husband to drop the baby off at day care that morning.  According to this woman, that was something her husband normally did, and it was outside of her daily routine.

She had a lot on her mind and was concentrating on what the day had in store for her at work.  That was her reason for forgetting the baby in the car!  I just wanted to scream!  Then a thought came to my little pea brain.  I wondered if these ‘understanding’ women in the audience would actually ‘understand’ if their husbands forgot their birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, or Mother’s Day because he was stressed and busy, concentrating on work, blah blah blah. Hmmmm…..yeah, I don’t think so; we all know what these women would think of their controlling, nasty, insensitive husbands for forgetting these important things in life.”

Oh yes, there was one thing that mother did remember.  With the forgotten, ignored, unimportant human being in the back seat, she evidently did make a hurried stop to get donuts for the staff, which means the child was also left alone in the car while she got those all-important calorie-laden munchies.

Right after I brought this travesty up on my radio program, I received an email from a single, twenty-three year old man, who had been watching this Oprah episode with his girlfriend of two years.  His immediate take was that the woman, the audience, and Oprah were being utterly disgusting, offering sympathy to a woman – a mother – who didn’t have her child on her mind.  It seems he went on and on to his girlfriend about the sacred obligations of a mother – i.e., putting the child first – and about how awful it was to see women clucking in sympathy for this neglectful mother and not for the buried child. His girlfriend was in sympathy with the audience and was aghast that he would have such a “cold, cruel” non-understanding point of view.   

He decided at that moment to break off with her, because he couldn’t see any woman with that point of view being his girlfriend, wife, and certainly not the mother of his precious children.

I tell you, I was very impressed that we have such real men among our young people today. 

When Oprah and other feminist, liberal, influential women take the point of view that children are not the first priority, when they coo over the “pain” of a mother who leaves her child to slowly cook to death in a car instead of storming the citadel demanding jail time for reckless endangerment, neglect and manslaughter, then we have women telling women to have compassion for irresponsibility, self-centeredness and murder.  When we have compassion for evil, we show disdain for the innocent victim.

Shame on Oprah.