Serving Country or Kids?

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A military mom has been agonizing over a decision she needs to make, and wanted my help:

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Read transcript here.

A Poem for Claire

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This is from Barry:

Dear Dr. Laura:

I was a participant in an unwanted, unnecessary divorce…because my wife wasn’t ‘happy.’  I have 3 minor children who, despite my tremendous efforts to the contrary…only get to see me 7-10 days a month.  I do everything I can to remain in their lives so I might display to them the importance and value of good character, good values/morals, and integrity….

For Valentine’s Day, I wrote my 5 year old daughter a poem.  I’m not a poet by any means.  I’m your basic manly man.  These words simply came to me in the half-hour it took to write them down.  In it are references to many things we do as a family….I thought you might like to read it:

 A Poem for Claire

 A poem for Claire is what I will try.
 I hope it turns out - ya see, I’m only a guy.
 There are jobs that I have-
 One is being your Dad.
 Out of all of the jobs
 That one makes me most glad.

 We do things we like
 And some we don’t mind.
 I’m pleased that you’re nice
 And so warm and so kind.

 I tell you I’m serious
 But you know that I’m not
 We’re both very silly
 And we smile a LOT!

 We sit out in back
 And look at the clouds
 You see shapes I don’t see
 You make me so proud.

 Walking to school
 Is always so fun.
 It’s been so cold lately
 We can’t wait for the sun!

 You fiddle with your homework.
 Maybe a snack instead?
 But each night we read
 Just before time for bed.

 I love when we play
 You’re so very special
 We dance and we laugh
 Now it’s time to WRESTLE!

 We cuddle on the sofa
 Watch TV at night.
 But we don’t watch a show
 That might give you a fright.

 We make up games to play
 Sometimes go for a hike.
 But what you like most
 Is riding your bike!

 You play Dan-Ball and Rock Band
 And sometimes the Wii.
 ”Daddy, come look!
 Come here! Come see!”

 I’m busy in the kitchen
 Moving fast there to here.
 You’re the first and the loudest
 During our dinnertime cheer.

 I miss you dearly
 When we’re far apart,
 But I’ll always remind you
 I’m in your head and your heart.

 The message is clear
 In this poem you hear.
 Your Dad loves you greatly
 And I will always be near.

 I want you to know
 You’re my best Valentine.
 I will ALWAYS be yours
 If you will be mine.

 I love you.
 Dad

 You’ve made me a better man, Dr. Laura.  I thank you.

If I Could Afford Help, I’d Enjoy My Children More

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Some Moms get resentful when they see their friends and acquaintances “living the celebrity mom lifestyle,” where they have time to go to the gym and get their nails done, because they have some paid help with the kids.  Don’t fall into the trap of believing that having more time for yourself necessarily gives your kids (and you) a better family life:

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Read transcript here.

Bringing My Baby to Work

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When the chips are down, sometimes we have to come up with temporary creative solutions until the crisis passes:

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The Most Important Job in the World

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From a listener after hearing another caller on my radio program:

Dr. Laura:

I grew up listening to you as my own stay-at-home mother bussed [sic] my three siblings and me home after school.  Listening to you teach the moms that would call in, I remember thinking that if I ever had kids, I would be “my kid’s mom.”  I saw Mom spend over 10 years at home with us, and the investment and dedication [she] modeled stuck with me.  Now I am a 24 year-old stay-at-home mom to a bright 13-month-old son.

I just finished listening to a caller who was wondering about taking some yoga classes to get her certification.  I knew exactly where she was coming from, because recently, I also was debating starting grad classes or taking up a part-time job.

The past week, I have been feeling like a hamster in a wheel –  no goals, [no] direction, not really getting anywhere. I’ve been comparing myself to my “friends” who are in grad school, building their careers, globe-trotting, but also “family - less.”  I felt like maybe I needed to keep up.  I thought you were being too hard on [the caller] until you said something that led me to tears.

You told her she had the most important job in the world right now, [and] that there will be time to take the yoga classes later.  I’ve heard you say things like that before, but this time, you were speaking directly to me.

Thank you for that encouragement and truth.  All these years, you were telling everyone else, but I’ve finally made it my own.  I do have the most important job in the world.  It’s challenging, character-building, but full of blessings.  This little boy is growing up very fast. 

The rat race can wait…I am MY kid’s mom!

Being A Good Parent to A Grownup Child

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I often field questions on my radio program about parenting kidlets and teenagers, but one listener wanted to know how she could be a good parent to a child who is now an adult.  Great question.

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Read transcript here.

A Letter from a Former “Stupid” Parent

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Today, I’ve got a guest blog today from Olivia:

Hi, Dr. Laura:

I am a 25 year old married mother of two small boys.  Minutes ago, I just finished
reading your book “Stupid Things Parents Do To Mess Up Their Kids.”  This is why [my reading this] is so timely:

A year ago, some family crisis propelled me into quitting my part-time, yet demanding, job.  In many ways, it was a dream job - part-time, flexible, good pay (or so I thought), and fantastic for my resume.  My family began to deteriorate rather quickly in spite of our kids not being in day care. My job went to my head, and I spent horrible amounts of time on things that had nothing to do with my family, and even harmed my family relationships.  I was being selfish, stupid, and immature as I sought out personal satisfaction and success.

After a major and deserving blow from life, I quit my job, in spite of my board wanting me to stay.  In the last year, I have been focusing on my family more, but have been dabbling in a small business.  Lately, business has been slow, and I have been praying for it to pick up, or to open my eyes to what God would have me do instead.  Stupid, I know, as I have two beautiful sons staring me in the face every day. 

A couple of days ago, when I was in the library with my kids, I had this sudden desire to grab a parenting book (no idea what kind), but in a rush I went to the section, perused quickly and grabbed your book.  You loudly and clearly stating things I knew in my heart, but hadn’t allowed to be voiced in my head.  I really believe this was a divine intervention. 

I know that I am not in the season of life to devote lots of time and energy to anything or anyone other than my family.  You are completely right about everything you said in your book.  Shame on the “so-called” (love how you made fun of that) professionals who tease, shame, and humiliate young, educated women who choose family over career.  And shame on we self-proclaimed “strong” women who allow ourselves to be cowed from taking full-time responsibility for our children, family and home life if we are able. 

I used to feel embarrassed or apologetic when admitting I was a married mother of two at my age.  Now I feel grateful for the path I have chosen, and my joy is full as I recognize the deep personal growth and learning my divinely appointed “job” grants me each and every day as I sacrifice, love, and nurture my family.

Thanks, Dr. Laura.  We need more women to speak out the way you do.

Exploiting Kids When Finances Are Tight

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When times get tough, some folks dig in and just get more creative and try harder.  For some parents, when the economy got tough, they got their children to try harder, and I’m not happy about this at all.

According to the Wall Street Journal, the children’s segment of the modeling industry has seen a 50% increase in applicants in the past three years, as parents try to have the kids’ “looks” subsidize the family income.  Also contributing to the growing number of mini-models are the reality TV shows featuring children (Toddlers and Tiaras and Little Miss Perfect come to mind).

I think this is a despicable development.  Parents there to exploit their children for their own income and ego?  The family income should not be put on the back (or should I say “face”) of children whose ages are still in single digits!
 
The impact on children is horrendous on many levels:

1. They have to deal with rejection at a very early age.  Children take these situations quite personally, and don’t understand the frivolity of choices based upon product, the taste of producers and so on. 
2. Kids think they are the most important part of the family - exaggerated value makes for a narcissism that will likely haunt that child throughout life, especially when it disappears as they get older and less cute or desired by Hollywood.
3. The child who is the performer becomes the “golden child,” and other children in the family are terribly hurt as their value to the parents (i.e., love) seems to disappear.
4. Kids learn that money and looks are the focal point of life.
5. Small children don’t understand the ramifications of the four items above and can’t really make the choice for themselves as to whether or not to participate (and such participation would change their lives and might not be in their best interests).

Exploiting children for ANY reason is wrong.  And that’s that.