More on Parental Irresponsibility

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Sue Shellenbarger writes a column for The Wall Street Journal that generally sends me up any available wall. The column is entitled “Home & Family,” and I keep up with it if only to counter its content.

She recently answered a reader’s question (4/30/08) that had to do with a divorced father wanting to take his 10 year old son to his native Australia for 10 days, but his ex-wife is fighting the plan. The father contends that life lessons of such a vacation trump school. He’s going to court for the right to take him, and asks Shellenbarger what she thinks.

First of all, there are laws which prohibit one parent from taking a child out of the country without the express permission of the other. The reason is obvious: child-stealing. Secondly, having divorced parents at war with each other over a child hurts the child as he or she feels divided loyalties and tremendous anxiety. Thirdly, taking a child out of school for a protracted trip teaches the child that education is less of a priority than personal desires for fun. This father could arrange a summer trip when no school is missed. My guess is that this is a major power play.

Shellenbarger not only doesn’t deal with any of these issues, but she focuses on the whim of the child: if he would be comfortable with the trip; if he would see it as an adventure….in other words, just considering what the kid wants. What?? Of course the kid wants to be out of school and hanging out with dingos and kangaroos!

“The ideal route would be for you and your ex-wife to set aside your personal feelings and focus on what he truly wants,” contributes a New Jersey Marriage and Family Therapist. “[It] depends on your son’s openness to the experience. Try to give him a free and honest choice, unfettered by feelings of loyalty to either of you or fear of letting you down.”

Is she kidding? How can a ten year old do that? And why put the burden on the child? Aren’t the parents supposed to want and do what is best for the child? This is more of the “if it feels good it is good” school of thought - an experiment whose failure doesn’t seem to curtail its perpetuation.

Father and Mother Know Best

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“Home-schooled students are routinely high performers on standardized academic tests, beating their public school peers on average by as much as 30 percentile points, regardless of the subject.  They perform well on tests like the SAT - and colleges actively recruit them both for their high scores and the diversity they bring to campus.” (Wall Street Journal 3/22/08).

The 166,000 families in California that choose to educate their children at home do so largely for three reasons:  religious, protecting their children from gangs and drugs, and mostly because they want to ensure their children a good education.

Considering the overwhelming success of home-schooling, one would think it perplexing that a California court ruled in March that parents cannot home-school their children without government certification.  Fascinating, since non-credentialed parents spend their time teaching English, math and science precisely because they don’t think the public schools do a good enough job!

You should know that this whole court case was not about quality of education.  The case was initiated by the Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services after one - ONE - home-schooled child reportedly complained of physical abuse by his father.  A lawyer assigned to that child invoked the truancy law to get the children enrolled in a public school and away from the parents (California law requires children between six and 18 to attend a full-time day school.  Failure to comply means breaking the truancy laws).

So, a single case of parental abuse is being used to promote the certification of all parents who make that huge commitment to their children’s education.  Unbelievable.

Between 1999 and 2003, the rate of home-schooling increased by 29% and the performance results speak for themselves.  Of course, the California Teacher’s Union is ecstatic about this outcome - in spite of the facts that demonstrate that, on the average, children do better academically outside of their classrooms.

Are Dads Unnecessary?

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For the life of me, I don’t know what single women “by choice” tell their sons about what to look forward to in their futures. 

“Randy” sent me the front page of her local newspaper, with an article touting “Moms Single By Choice.”   Randy writes:

 [The article is about w]omen in their late 30s or 40s who have no husbands but want a kid.  A few adopt, while sperm bank fertilization impregnates many of them.

I have learned from listening to your radio program for the past two years that a woman’s selfish desire to have a kid should be trumped by the needs of a child who would be best brought up in a two-parent family - mom and dad, married, with a stable home.

Ninety percent of the article promotes this behavior as an acceptable “choice.”  The article explains the pain a woman goes through when she realizes that Mr. Right is not coming as they age into their late 30s or early 40s.  The article sympathizes with these brave career women who can afford full-time nannies and day care.  One woman is quoted as saying that this was ‘the best decision she ever made,’ while the final word plainly says to ‘go for it.’  There are a couple of brief paragraphs buried late in the article mentioning the conservative point of view.  It states that hundreds of studies have shows that mom and dad homes are superior to single-parent homes.  Also, very briefly stated is that ‘choice mothers are, in effect, teaching their children that men are not important to families, marriages, or children.’

I sympathize with the children of these single moms “by choice.”  They are intentionally robbed of a father.  More than traditional money-earning, protecting and fixing things around the house, the dad does something else.  He has a place in the family where he shows monogamy and daily behavior as a father and man should behave.  He is a role model, and an example of the kind of person sons should grow up to resemble, and daughters should grow up to look for.”

Hey, Randy, in this “PC” and feminist-brainwashed society, whatever an adult wants always trumps what children need!  If a woman who never bothered to become “Miss Right,” does want to devote herself to raising a child (without nannies and day-care), I’m all for her adopting an older or difficult-to-place child.  Now, that would be a God-send.

R Movies In The Classroom

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One mother in Huntington Beach, California went through ten lawyers until she found Brad Dacus of the Pacific Justice Institute (pacificjustice.org, a non-profit that advocates for the rights of students and parents) to help her.  All the other attorneys suggested she was a “prude” and chastised her about not being up to speed with 2007.

Her advocacy prompted the Huntington Beach Union High School District trustees to consider a proposal that would regulate movies in the classroom.  The proposal would require teachers to obtain parental permission before showing portions of R-rated movies.  The policy essentially discourages the use of R-rated movies in the classroom.  Evidently, the Huntington Beach district did not have a written policy.  How convenient. 

Mr. Dacus is quoted in the Orange County Register of January 15, 2008 (www.ocregister.com/news/movies-kazor-policy-1959439-teachers-school) as saying: “The garbage they showed these children…was a very serious breach of parental trust.”  The mother said: “These teachers are supposed to be us when we’re not there.  They’re supposed to be role models.  I wanted the opportunity to have the permission sent to me in the form of a permission slip.”

Taking up classroom time showing a whole movie seems to me to be a lazy way to approach a teaching job.  Recommending a movie to students and then sending a memo home to the parents making that suggestion and explaining its value, seems a more responsible and professional means to what is supposed to be an “educational” aid.