Single Parenthood By Choice

 Email This Post

I often get fascinating letters and emails from listeners to my radio program. 

Dr. Laura:
Recently, I was invited to join a group in support of removing Father’s and Mother’s Day celebrations in public schools.  Upon looking further into this group, I found that the founder of this group was a single mom “by choice,” and was angry her child was being made to feel bad because the other children have daddies, and hers does not.  I wanted to send you the email I sent her:

I think you should seriously consider shutting down this group.  I find
it interesting  you “chose” single parenthood for your child, but are not punishing those who did not for YOUR decision.  The majority of children have a mother and father and those who don’t will have to learn to deal with disappointment and adapt.  You act as though she shouldn’t have to learn to deal with disappointment, but in order to become a productive adult, she will.  Sadly, this disappointment was thrust upon her by you.  Instead of sitting down with her like an adult and explaining why she doesn’t have a father and why you chose that life for you, you are placing the blame on the school system for making her feel bad and putting her in an uncomfortable situation.  You do realize Father’s Day isn’t the only time she’ll be reminded she has no father, right?  By making this subject taboo, you are making her feel further alienated and, in the same breath, telling her you made a decision for her that was wrong.  Make up your mind.  Either you did this by choice and are willing to deal with the consequences, or you are embarrassed by the situation you are in and you want to cover up your mistake so your daughter doesn’t have to know.  Grow up and take ownership of your choices.

S.

I cannot tell you how happy I was to read this.  I hope that you are taking stands whenever you see people deconstructing the family to permit themselves the freedom to do whatever the hell they want.

The woman referred to in this letter, like so many others, decided :  “I want a kid.”  “I want a kid” - not “Gee, I’d really like to be a Mom.  What’s in the best interest of a child?”  How about a mom and a dad, married, and no daycare?  No.  It was just what “I” want for this woman.  So with this group, she has tried to deconstruct the family in the public schools by saying there’s no Mother’s or Father’s Day - it’s all irrelevant - trying to cover up that she knows she did something wrong to her kid, by intentionally robbing her child of a father, for her own selfish needs.  And our society is giving all of that a pass:  “anything you want to call ‘family’ is a family.” 

It appears that it doesn’t matter what a kid needs.  It just matters what the adults want.

My Child Feels Left Out

 Email This Post

A mom is concerned about how her daughter, who has ADHD, is being treated by some young family relatives.  I think the concern should lie elsewhere:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

When Did Parenting Become Slavery?

 Email This Post

America seems to be having a love affair with avoiding child care by the actual parents:  “In a city of secret economies, few are as vital to the life of New York as the business of nannies; the legions of women who emancipate high-powered professionals and less glamorous working parents from the duties of child care.”

That was the beginning of a story about New York State instituting “nanny protection laws” which would require paid holidays, sick days, vacation days, overtime wages, and 14 days’ notice or termination pay when their services were no longer needed.

According to The New York Times, some of the resistance to this bill comes from lawmakers who say that this is merely an extension of workplace protection for illegal aliens, as once an employee is hired, state labor laws become enforceable, regardless of the employee’s immigration status.  The bill would increase the risks of getting caught for employers who pay nannies “off the books” (i.e., cheating the IRS and their fellow citizens).

But let’s go back to that opening paragraph and the statement that  “nannies…emancipate…parents from the duties of daily child care.”  [The emphasis is mine].  Whew!

Emancipation is a term used for the proclamation to outlaw slavery.  It’s interesting that’s it has been used for describing the supposed-to-be- loving interaction and bond between a child and a mother or father.   So, being a parent is tantamount to slavery??  Yes… that’s what feminism has proclaimed for decades.

I’m happy so many legislators are concerned about the financial well-being of illegal alien nannies (and, of course, the legal ones, too).  I am not happy that this legislation further cements the idea that having a parent raise their own child is of minimal importance, and the impact this has on the child.  It’s just sad.

A Strong Father Needs His Wife’s Help

 Email This Post

Stay-at-home moms sometimes worry about the influence of feminist concepts on their parenting skills:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Stay Out! Leave Me Alone!

 Email This Post

Being a parent of a teenager can be trying.  Especially if you’ve got one who essentially locks herself in her room most of the time:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

TV Commercial Brings Me To Tears

 Email This Post

My husband usually turns on the television news as we have breakfast.  I prefer not to have it on, frankly, as I can’t stand all the negativity so early in the day, but a commercial came on where there were several kids in their homemade downhill race cars.  Sitting off to the side was a child about the same age, but in a wheelchair.

One - just one - of the kids in his wooden race car (complete with helmet and goggles) looks intently at the child in the wheelchair, then gets out of the car, and lifts the kid out of the wheelchair and places him in his car, and then gives him the helmet and goggles and proceeds to cheer him on.

One of the final statements coming from the generous and compassionate kid (who is now speaking as an adult in the commercial) is that he didn’t remember who won the race, but he did remember how he felt about it.

The Foundation for A Better Life, which sponsors these “lessons,” is appropriately named.  When one is a better person, one automatically has a better life - dramatically and immediately, in spite of the selfishness, thoughtlessness, unfairness and meanness which surrounds the universe.

It doesn’t matter if your kid has the right clothes, a cell phone, Skype abilities, email, text messaging, a new car and so on.  What matters is what truly matters to them.  That’s what a parent is supposed to teach children:  what should matter.

Turning a Boy Into a Responsible Man

 Email This Post

The other day I took a call on my radio program from a mother who was upset at her husband.  The husband had told their 9 year old son that he was not allowed to watch TV for a 24 hour period as a consequence of his unacceptable behavior - in this case, leaving the TV on even though he was finished watching it and had left the room.

The husband had come home from work the previous day and almost immediately checked to see what channel the TV was set to - turns out it was tuned into a kid’s network, so he knew right away that his son had disobeyed him and watched TV when his viewing was supposed to be restricted.  The father sat down with the boy and they talked about honesty, integrity, and respect for parents.

The mother was incensed that the father had “checked up” on the boy.  I immediately responded by saying, “Well, that’s being a good parent!”  I explained that the father’s job is to take his boy and turn him into a man, and a responsible one at that.  To do so, he had to use whatever was at his disposal to keep up with what the boy was doing, so that he could continue to teach and lead his son into healthy, productive adulthood.  I said that the father did the right thing.

The mother did stop and say, “I hadn’t looked at it that way.”

It seems like she spent a lot of time thinking about our exchange, and below are excerpts from an email I received from her shortly after:

…I was so nervous about my call that I didn’t get to thank you for your clarity…. Because of you, I was very aware of my “feelings,” and that they may not be a reason to respond to this situation [sic].  Recognizing this allowed me to spend all night digesting what happened without saying a word, even though my feelings were to be ‘Mother Bear’ and overreact to the situation. This led to me calling you for your perspective.

You pointed out to me that my husband was being a good parent.  You are so right.  He truly wants my son to succeed and grow to be a responsible MAN.  It brings tears to my eyes thinking how terrible this situation could have played out had I indulged my ‘feelings.’

Your wisdom has saved yet another crazy, emotional woman and spared my wonderful husband of thinking that his wife and girlfriend doesn’t give him the respect and support he deserves.

While I can’t thank you enough, rest assured that I plan to completely thank my husband tonight!

Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up

 Email This Post

Ah, the “terrible twos!”  The child of a listener has just learned how to say “Shut up,” and now he won’t stop.  I have some advice on how to break him of this bad habit.

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.