Cheating Husband Does Public Penance

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William Taylor, from a Washington, D.C. suburb, cheated on his wife.  How do I know that?  Because he held a sign near Tyson’s Corner Mall that read:  “I cheated and this is my punishment.”  He stayed out on the corner for most of the morning commute, creating quite a commotion.  He and his wife brokered the deal.  He figured he had to do what she asked in order to make things right.

When Fox TV interviewed women, they all loved the idea.  The print version of the story appeared on www.foxnews.com and it was followed by a series of reader comments.  Some of the responses suggested that castration was the best punishment for infidelity.  One (obviously male) writer pointed out that women seem to enjoy publicly humiliating men, but would not tolerate the reverse for exactly the same situation.

That is true.  Feminism’s perspective is that no matter what a woman does, it is the man’s fault, and whatever a man does is the man’s fault.  Hypothetical example:  a man and woman rob a bank.  He’s a bad guy, and she is duped, clouded by love, or dominated by his will.  She’s a sad victim, instead of a co-conspirator.  Another example:  a married man has an affair which lasts two weeks.  He comes guilt-ridden to his wife and confesses.  He tells her he’s been so emotionally and sexually ignored by her for ten years, that he just absolutely needed some feminine attention and affection.  She ignores everything that comes after the confession and spends her time punishing him and whining to all who will listen.

Women rarely take responsibility for any negative relationship issues, and that’s largely because of the feminist brainwashing which has made them see all men as Darth Vader. 

Here’s another point:  in the development of our country, being humiliated in the public square was a standard form of punishment — remember “stocks” and “pillories” from American history class?  There is something positive to be said about this concept of punishment - for men or women. 

When we lived in small communities, the power of shame was potent, and probably dissuaded many from inappropriate behavior of all sorts.  The thought of being embarrassed in public is horrendous to most people, since our reputations are everything in interpersonal relationships.

I bet that a lot of spouses, seeing this fellow out there, will remember him when they consider straying.  Consider it a kind of prophylactic for infidelity.

Anne Heche Plays The Blame Game

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I usually spend little to no time at all on the “celebrity” sections of Internet news sites.  Frankly, I don’t care what celebrities are doing, except in a performance for which I pay good money.  Every now and then, however, something comes to my attention that does make me want to comment.  This time, it’s about actress Anne Heche.

Apparently, Anne Heche went on the Late Show with David Letterman and ragged on her ex-husband.  She made fun of him collecting checks from her (as mandated by the court as spousal support) following their divorce.

Tacky, mean, vindictive and very self-serving.

Not long ago, I took a call from a woman who was complaining about her ex-shack-up honey’s girlfriend, (the “homewrecker” as she called her).  Here’s the gist of how that call went:

Me: Is this woman someone who took vows of fidelity to you?
Caller:  NO
Me:  Is this man someone who took vows of fidelity to you?
Caller:  NO.
Me: Is this man someone you simply shacked up with without a commitment?
Caller:  YES.
Me: Did you decide to create two children in this insecure situation?
Caller:  YES
Me: And you’re mad at HER???

While these two situations seem unrelated, they most certainly are related.  How?  When a person makes foolish decisions and then complains about the most typical, logical and predictable outcome, that is a person totally out of touch with the reality of life.  YOU make choices;  YOU should be willing to take responsibility for those choices and stop looking and acting as if you are an innocent victim of life’s tidal waves.

Anne Heche did a terrible thing to her ex-husband by humiliating him in public.  What did he do to earn that?  The court mandated the financial support.  I don’t know the quality of choice she made in a husband, nor do I know what quality of wife she was.  All I see is that she is not classy, and that she takes no public responsibility for the demise of her marriage.

Blaming everything and everyone else may be humorous if you do it on the Letterman show, but it doesn’t speak to the truth (and ultimately, we all live with the truth).  She should have said nothing, or added “y’know, I have to take responsibility for my choices and actions here.  I don’t like that a grown man is taking spousal support, but I have some responsibility for this marital fiasco too.”  Now THAT would be classy….and closer to the truth.

Married, But In Love with Ex

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The whirlwind courtship is over and hopefully you settle into a great marriage.  Sometimes, however, you feel a “tug” from the past and think you’re in love with someone other than your spouse.  That’s what happened to one of my listeners, who wrote me, wondering if she had a problem:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here

Michael Vick Returns to Football

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Every time a celebrity does something egregious (and only when they get caught doing it), they appear on Letterman (or previously on Leno) or some network morning show to self-flagellate as a method for gaining sympathy.  It’s a rather standard public relations maneuver, and I usually find it to be an example of false contrition.

There’s a big difference between having remorse because you were caught, as opposed to before you were caught.  Most people just say “Sorry,” because they were caught, and not because they have actual remorse for doing something wrong.  In other words, their “Sorry,” actually means “Geez, I’m soooo sorry I was caught,” which is vastly different from “Oh, I’m soooo sorry I hurt someone.”

This brings me to Michael Vick, who, with his own hands, perpetrated some of the most horrific torture of fighting dogs that I have ever heard about.  Frankly, it was hard to imagine the kind of dissociation from all compassion and emotion that goes into looking into the eyes of suffering animals, and enjoying watching the pain and enjoying having that much power over an agonized, terrified animal.  To me, that is sociopathic which is over the top in cruelty.  I would not like to see that person on the streets ever again.

Vick is now out of jail, and has been on 60 Minutes to explain his behavior and to make the case for his repentance.  Repentance has four parts:  1) taking responsibility for your actions (owning what you’ve done and giving no excuses or blaming others for your own actions), 2) feeling remorse (i.e., being truly regretful for the hurt caused), 3) repair (for example, going to the Humane Society and/or giving talks to change people’s minds and hearts about how they treat animals - and, by the way, Vick has been doing that), and 4) no repeat behavior.  Those are the Four R’s of Repentance.

On 60 Minutes, Vick took total responsibility for his actions.  He was even pushed by James Brown, who asked: “Who do you blame for all of this?”  Vick said, “I blame me.”  He didn’t use the words “but…” or “it’s just…” which I hear all too often on my radio program.  Instead, he just took responsibility.  He talked about his first experience watching dog fights at age 8, and, as a boy of 8, thought it was cool, fun, and exciting.  It was something a lot of men friends did together. 

It was poignant when he pointed out that it was time for him to pay the price with jail time, he did that alone, because all his so-called “friends” were gone.  He said, “I deserve to lose the $130 million.”  He also admitted to being lazy and arrogant while at the Atlanta Falcons. It seems he took his prison time to really assess his own moral character and his life.  He spent 2 years in jail, and was suspended from playing football, and he lost all his sponsorship dollars and his reputation. 

None of that really impresses me…not at all.  What does impress me is his statement that “football doesn’t matter at all,” because “…I should have [taken] the initiative to stop it all.  I didn’t.  I didn’t stop it at all.”

So, I’m okay with the Philadelphia Eagles giving him a job.  I think he’s taken a right-hand turn onto the correct road toward being a decent human being.  I’m willing to stand out of his way and let him do just that.

Jobless College Grad Sues Her School

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A young, female graduate of Monroe College in the Bronx, New York, is suing the school for a total of $70,000 she contends is the amount she spent on getting a degree that promised her a job. 

I looked up Monroe College on the Internet, and this is what I read:
“Whether preparing for a career or simply needing a part-time job, the Monroe College Office of Career Advancement provides expert advice and valuable services to help you.  Every student at Monroe College has a Career Advisor, who provides one-on-one assistance with career decision-making, resume and letter writing, and job search strategies.  The Office of Career Advancement helps with career assessment, resume writing, job search and strategy, employer recruitment and placement, interviewing skills, and other job search guidance.  Registering with E-recruiting allows you to view online job listings, post a resume to the database, and access additional web-based career resources.”

I don’t see a promise or guarantee or money-back offer.  The college cannot guarantee against the world’s financial issues.  Also, we don’t know how well she did in her courses, or how aggressively she worked on getting a position, or how inventive and persistent she’s been in trying to get herself situated.

I wondered also if she weren’t making a public spectacle in order to bully the college into giving her back her money, as she is heavily in debt and living with her single mother (who is also living on meager resources).  I don’t know her motive first hand.  I just wonder.

It’s getting more and more annoying that more and more people figure they’re entitled to things just because they want them.  That’s an adolescent view (which consists only of a narcissistic perception of the world), and it’s supposed to mature in one’s twenties.

I’m sorry she’s in debt, but she made that choice.  I’m sorry she’s having a hard time getting a job right now.  Maybe she has to choose something to do which has nothing to do with her degree just to sustain herself and her mom through these rough times that millions of people are also dealing with.  I’m sorry she’s mad, but nobody owes her a living.  I’m sorry the media sees fit to make a big deal of her actions without some judgment as to the worthiness of those actions.

I’m not sorry I’m mentioning this, as I want to make sure that none of magnificent listening audience slips into this childish state of pouting and stamping feet when life doesn’t go the way you planned or wanted.  If there is one thing to learn from this girl, it’s that life doesn’t guarantee anything but the opportunity, and she’s wasting it by whining.  If I were an employer, I wouldn’t hire her after reading about these antics.  I would want a more mature individual who does what she has to do to survive, and makes the best of it.  That’s the kind of person to respect and support.

An Obese Woman Responds

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My recent comments about obesity as both a health issue and an overall economic issue generated quite a number of responses.  Some people wrote, detailing medical histories that made it impossible for them to get down to a normal weight.  While there are always exceptions, I wanted to share with you a seemingly “impossible” situation faced by a woman who weighed over 400 pounds.  She knew that losing weight was going to be very difficult, but she made the changes in her life that kept her on the path to good health, and she’s a real inspiration to us all (I’ve not included her name, for reasons of privacy):

Dear Dr. Laura:

I am an obese person.  Two years ago, my sister asked me to have surgery.  I did not want to have it, because I was afraid of the risk.  I did not know how heavy I was, because my doctor’s scale limit is 400 pounds.  I promised my sister I would change my behavior, but not go on a diet.

I went to the doctor and got some information and a health exam.  Then I began to make plans on changing my behavior.  [In the past], I was not eating breakfast or lunch.  I was so hungry when I got home, I would eat easy fast food instead of taking the time to prepare food.  I would also binge late at night.  The doctor suggested I no longer skip meals.

First change:  I eat breakfast and lunch.

Second change:  Drink before eating.  I drink water, and, for flavor, sometimes Crystal Light.  I learned that when the body needs something, it is not specific.  It just says “I need,” and “stomach feels empty.”

Third change:  Choose better foods.  If heart tells brain “I need nutrients,” and stomach tells brain “I am full of garbage,” the brain sends the message “empty stomach.”

Fourth change: Thinking of food in a different way.  It’s neither my entertainment nor my entitlement.  Better food will get me up the stairs at work.  At 200+ pounds overweight, life becomes stationary.  Nutrition can replace that.

Fifth change:  Reduce the amount of food.  The doctor suggested that I keep a log of my food and drink.  I wrote down everything for two weeks.  I was eating more than I thought.  Over time, I reduced my starch in half and then in half again.  Today…I do not plan food or write it down.  For me, I would be thinking of food too much.  I eat set breakfast and lunch meals.  Dinner is now something that can be made in 30 minutes.

Sixth change:  Move more.  Your nagging worked.  The doctor suggested low impact exercise over a long period of time.  No jack rabbit starts and stops.  I can’t sustain walking out of water, so I walk 1 hour in water and backstroke 1 hour, six times a week.  I get stares.  I stare back.  I am not ashamed.  I have changed.

There is no diet for me to break from.  The only thing left is to feel the frustration.  It renews my dedication to my life change.  The first two years, I lost 70 pounds.  It’s the first time in 15 years I have not gained weight.  I have been exercising for a month.

Thank you, Dr. Laura, for all your nagging.  I wish I would have started earlier.  The last two years made it possible.  It gave me a foundation of nutrition that sustains me while I move.  I now move more and eat less.  I can hardly wait until next year.

Thanks again for the kick in the butt.

Common Sense Isn’t Common Any More

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People have accused me of everything from being rigid, to simply spouting common sense.  Well, for the folks who think I’m rigid, I have this to say:  I have convictions - convictions that I took a lifetime to forge, convictions I stand by, because they make good sense, and ultimately help people to have better lives.

Fifty years ago, most of what I have to say was common sense.   Not so now.  Today, many values are no longer held in common, and what values are left happen to be undermined daily by forces in government, religion, professional organizations, media, communities, families, friends, neighbors, and even your own impulses.

Honestly, I fear for the growing lack of cohesion in our country with respect to values, morals, ideals, goals, and general insight.  When half the country accepts a candidate for the Supreme Court of one gender and ethnic group who says she is superior in wisdom and intent to another individual of another gender and ethnic group simply because of her gender and ethnic group, and the country doesn’t fall to the ground either laughing or outraged, I worry.

That example is one on a huge scale, but no less important is how the evaluation of family, marriage, and child care has been constantly undermined by something as simple as TV commercials. 

We’ve seen on TV a commercial for a chewing gum that seems to be an aphrodisiac (because young girls seemingly will jump their boyfriends in front of their parents).  And now, we have T-Mobile commercials that have a pretty spokeswoman who has a minor boy attempting to seduce her, as well as a husband who goes all “gaga” in front of his wife, who, when she reminds him she’s right there, says “We’re married….technically.”

This is supposed to be very funny?

We have male penile enhancement supplements being advertised all day and evening (when children are watching), and some lubricant that makes a woman explode with orgasmic pleasure.  And on and on it goes.

Back in the day, common sense would have precluded these commercials from airing, because they were tasteless and they undermined the common understanding that some things are personal and private.  But now, all the barriers are down.  Heroes today are people who sing, dance, play music, act in movies, and run with a ball.  People who sacrifice in battle, however, are ignored or impugned. 

Car commercials talk about how sturdy and safe a car is, but they do so while showing a situation in which ex-spouses are doing a “child exchange.”  Everyone is smiling and appears happy because the car is so nice.  There’s nothing “nice” about a broken family for a child.

After years and years of the TV show Friends winning so many Emmy awards, and the stars going on to other lucrative media adventures, young people think “shacking up” and out-of-wedlock pregnancies ARE common sense. 

I don’t mind being the lead salmon…I just hope that you will all consider swimming upstream with me and finally stand up privately (and publicly) for common sense.

Txting Is Dangerous 4 U

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I have a friend who is temporarily without a computer, so I’ve been texting him.  I’ve found myself using the letter “u” for “you,” and “r” for “are,” but other than that, I try to use the English language the way it was meant to be spoken and written.

I’ve complained quite often about how this text messaging thing is completely out of hand, and how your children should not be able to use such technology as it occupies way too much of their time without depth and without development of language skills.  Quite the contrary - spelling and syntax and content are out the window when it comes to these mindless exchanges.  Additionally, people of all ages are so focused on that little gadget that they ignore their responsibilities as well as their environment.

Numerous states have had to implement bans on texting while driving - that’s how utterly stupid people can get.  Text-related injuries and deaths are not limited to the vehicular variety.  In 2008, the state of Illinois proposed legislation that would make texting and walking (with or without gum) illegal!  Pedestrians who ridiculed the idea might now need to reconsider their stance.

A 15 year old girl on Staten Island was obliviously thumbing away when she disappeared into an open manhole, falling five feet, scraping her back and arms, and landing in a pile of mush.  The workers were off getting cones and markers to barricade the opening, so it was a potential hazard.  However, if this teen were actually looking where she was going, not a thing would have happened to her.  Of course, her parents are going to sue.  Well, why not?  Your daughter behaves stupidly, so naturally you’re going to look around for someone to sue.  Money versus common sense.  Oh well.

If I were a purse snatcher or predator, I’d keep my eyes open for texting women who are moving through life without any awareness of their surroundings:  whether people, entities, or holes in the ground.  They make easy prey.

I keep wondering…what if we looked at everyone’s text messages over a 24 hour period of their life?  Would we find anything important being discussed?  I doubt it.  More likely, we’d just find them attempting to create a mini-universe to live in, where meaningless discourse makes them feel important or connected - or provides an activity where they avoid dealing with real life issues.

What if this teen had stepped on a baby?  What if she had tripped over an elderly person who had then fallen?  What if she walked right into the hands of a kidnapper?  What if she didn’t see a person doing harm to another (so she couldn’t provide witness testimony to help the police)?  I could go on and on….but you get the idea.

Yes, the manhole should not have been left unattended - those guys should all be fired.  Yes, she should have been looking where she was going.  That’s just plain common sense.  This would have been a preventable accident if the men had done their jobs properly, and if this girl had shown better judgment.