Category Archives: Sexuality

Am I Anti-Female?

“I love your show, but it makes me CRAZY when you subscribe to the double standard that men get a pass on being sexually cavalier but women are to be thoroughly and soundly condemned.  Why, oh why, don’t you condemn the men as much as the women?  Why aren’t they just as ‘piggy’ and deserving of condemnation?  That societal attitude encourages men to attempt to use women sexually as their birthright and also encourages women to be insecure and distrustful of sex in general.  You’re putting a sexual burka on women overall with that attitude.

I’m not advocating casual sex.  I’m condemning the acceptance of a double standard.  Come on!  There are two sides of that coin and each should assume major responsibility for engaging in casual sex.  Until the act is equally condemned, how can women take those rules seriously?”

This is a recent email from a listener taking me to task for what she perceives is a sort of anti-female, double standard mentality. 

First of all, God and nature are responsible for the reality of a double standard.  Women have breasts from which to suckle the baby born from their uterus after a nine month gestation.  Women’s high-pitched voices and hearing are geared for the infant-mother bonding that miraculously takes place right after birth.  Women’s temperaments to nurture, cuddle, coo, and protect are hardwired into their psychological programming.  Women are different from men.

There is no question that men more easily dissociate love and sex.  Young males in particular are open to sexual experiences for the challenge, orgasmic satisfaction, and status among other males.  These qualities are not synonymous with femininity.

Women give themselves sexually to men out of love, a desperate desire to be wanted and loved, or for money.  It is not typical, as it is with men, for a woman to feel proud of the number of men who have penetrated her; and the only women who look for the sexual challenge are those so twisted with anti-male rage that domination of a male is a form of psychological rape which satisfies that neurotic anger.

Males are generally out of control every which way until they fall in love and take on the obligations and responsibilities of a man committed to a woman and family.  All the research demonstrates that men who are married make more money, are healthier and happier, and function better socially than “loner” men.  In fact, the deranged males who perpetrate horrendous acts of violence are generally such loner males with no families to make them feel important, give them purpose and direction…and love.

Women are the taming and socializing force in society.  Men will only do what women allow.  Remember the ancient Greek classical play “Lysistrata”?  The women in the town refused to have sex if their men continued to participate in war and violence.  Poof, all the violence stopped.  Women have always had the power over men; but feminism got women off the track of realizing that, and on the track to only hating or disdaining men.

Now, women have largely become “pigs.”  Instead of embracing modesty, pride, values, and self-value, they parade around showing their bodies like Playboy bunnies, have sex before “hello,” shack up with men without marital commitment, make babies on their own (declaring that men/fathers aren’t necessary), use abortion as birth control, and don’t imagine feminine sweetness has any place in marriage and are bored with sex with their husbands but turn on to every other Tom, Dick, and Harry.  That is why men have little respect for women these days.

Girls as Pigs

I’m very sad that, generally, girls today are pigs.  I was speaking with a group of young men in their early twenties, about their social lives.  They each admitted to multiple girlfriends with “overlap.”  Most of them expressed some disappointment that they really can’t find what they know Dr. Laura would label a “nice girl.”

“You think they are good girls, but the minute you show them some attention, if they’re at all interested, they are all over you with zillions of daily suggestive text messages and sex.  They’re open for, ahem, servicing us, even before we’ve taken ‘em out on legitimate dates – which can usually be just a visit to a bar or club.

“I think,” one fellow continued, “that just about all girls these days are pigs.”

This made me very, very sad.  Because the more that young women act like “pigs,” the less respect and regard men have for women in general – and the less they hope and fantasize the blessed possibility of a lovely wife and mother to their 84 children.

I opened the paper today to read about a young woman from San Diego who is selling her virginity on a website so that she can pay for her – get ready for this – education as a marriage and family therapist!  Her sister apparently led the way by being a call-girl/hooker to pay for her education.  Well, there is nothing new in women selling their bodies for financial compensation; what is new is the bold and cavalier way it is happening today.  The young women I mentioned said outright that sex and virginity means nothing today.  And this is the sort to help families and marriages?  Are you kidding?

When everything of value is demoted to “nothing”…then how is anything ever elevated to “something.”  See?  That’s why I’m sad.  I’m sad for all these young men who have been taught by the piggish women of today that love, fidelity, and intimacy mean nothing.  I am sad that our young men have been robbed of hope that they can ever be secure in a marriage, because how can they trust a cavalier “pig” to ever be anything else?

Husband Sues Wife for STD

There have been a number of lawsuits over the years concerning the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) during relatively casual sex in relatively casual relationships.  The New York Post published a story about a forty-seven-year old attorney who filed suit against his wife of twenty-two years, charging that her straying had left him with Herpes Simplex virus 2, an STD that caused him to experience “pain, suffering, emotional, mental, psychological and physical injuries and the loss of enjoyment of life.”

I guess he figured that if he had it, and had sex with her, that she’d contract it and then he’d blame it on her during their estrangement so that he could leverage his position with respect to collecting back monies he’d have to give her in a divorce.  I guess that’s it…because she filed papers last month with the results of her blood test which was negative for HSV-2, commonly known as genital herpes, with which the lawyer husband says he’s infected.

Nonetheless, the question still remains: who is responsible for the transmission of an STD in a casual or dating relationship?  Is it the full responsibility of the infected individual to reveal in advance of any sexual activity that they have the communicable disease?  Or, is it the responsibility of each and every individual to not rely on the kindness of strangers?

I believe that anyone who knowingly transmits an STD should be prosecuted criminally and sued civilly.  The severity of the consequences should match the seriousness of the STD.  Some of the STDs are curable with medication; others are simply controlled with medication; some may lead to a higher incidence of cancer; and some are a virtual death sentence.
 
Considering these factors, people who don’t ask – much less are foolish enough to believe it when they’re told, “No, I don’t have anything,” – who don’t take precautions such as condoms (which aren’t foolproof), who have multiple sexual partners, and who don’t value the monogamous commitment of marriage after both people have complete physicals and blood tests to ensure a “clean slate,” have to take some responsibility onto themselves for their foolishness.

It’s like this: when you let your dog loose off the leash and it runs into the streets to be run over by a speeding car…the car actually killed the dog; but you put the dog in the place where it could happen.  That is shared liability and shared moral obligation.

DO ask, and DO tell; and be truthful.

Kids and Media Exposure to Sex

A listener labeled his email to me:
 
“The Newest Movie “Trash” Banned in Utah! Go Utah!” 
I read recently that some parts of Utah had banned the release of the new film “Zack and Miri Make a Porno”. The film is about a guy and girl who have nothing better in their dull lives to do but to produce a pornographic film together just for the fun of it. I, for one, am sick and tired of films that exploit women AND men!!! Whatever happened to going to the cinema and watching a good movie?

Thank God that Utah, a state that won’t forfeit its values and morals, stands up to films such as these, and won’t let them play in theaters there. I am a high school teacher, and believe me, Dr. Laura, our kids are craving to be taught values and morals. They want direction. They need direction. Films like these are teaching them that sex is just something that can be played with. I teach a student who has been sexually abused by his own stepfather, and I’m trying to guide him and show him a bit of comfort that he has never received….It breaks my heart to know what he has suffered, and it also breaks my heart to see students being exposed to trashy sex and stupid behavior on film. This kind of sick mess makes our jobs much more difficult in the teaching arena…. it’s time that we did something about this trash that’s being shown to our children. “

This email coincided with a US News and World Report study that sounds like “yes/no yes/no” silliness. The new research suggests that teens who spend the most time watching sexually charged television shows are twice as likely to become pregnant or impregnate someone else.

No kidding.  My generation grew up on The Flying Nun and Leave it to Beaver.  I never knew anyone who knew anyone who got pregnant in high-school. 

Here’s where the back-and-forth nonsense begins.  First, the report says that these findings don’t prove that sexy programming causes pregnancy – well, of course it doesn’t “cause” pregnancy.  But it is clear that a permissive media has a huge influence on impressionable teens, opening them up to behaviors which are not in their best interests, emotionally or medically. 

Interestingly, the researchers refused to “name names” with respect to which television shows they considered “sexually charged.”  I guess they don’t want to be open to lawsuits for suggesting that there are specific programs on the air that hurt children by opening them up to behaviors which could lead to unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, or the psychological trauma of sexual abuse.

Dr. Dimitri A. Christakis, a professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington who studies kids and television says that these findings “add to the growing body of evidence that what children see on screen affects their behavior in real life.”  I’ve always gotten a laugh from much of what psychological research – a soft science at best – finds.  They state the obvious like it was a revelation and they get grant money to do it. 

Let’s see, if we didn’t think that media impacted how people behave in real life, how long would the advertising business last?  Oh please, they pay millions for product placement movies…to influence you,   They pay millions for seconds of promotion on SuperBowl Sunday…to influence you.  It must work.  So to be “surprised” at the impact of images and behavior the media immerses our children in has got to be some kind of joke.

Back to the beginning… hooray for Utah.  Parents who want to expose their children to “trash” can always buy it on the Internet.

I’m Mad…and YOU Shouldn’t Take It Anymore

When was the last time you took your kids to the airport and bought some candy and magazines?  Did you notice what your kids see at their “short-eye-level” when you pay for your items?  They see what they can also notice at many grocery store check-out lines and magazine racks:  they see soft porn – half-naked, provocative photos of well-endowed men and women.

Now, I’m no prude.  I wear jeans below my waist, and I have some belly-button “bling.”  But I do believe that there ought to be such a thing as a free society maintaining its First Amendment rights, while at the same time jealously protecting the innocence of children.

A recent female caller complained that her boyfriend occasionally looked at some photos or videos of naked women on the Internet.  It is unbelievable to me that, lately,  there is such hysteria about men viewing naked women or male/female sexual encounters.  Did somebody just discover that men are very interested in sex and are visually stimulated by viewing women’s bodies?

Of course, Internet porn can be a problem, particularly when it becomes compulsive and a substitute for real-life intimacy, or self-medication for emotional problems.  However, much of the time, it is just a curious male having a stimulating moment.

I brought up to that caller that I thought the guys who do the workout ads for some of those exercise machines are “hunks,” and exciting to see.  She agreed.  If all I did was play a continuous loop of these ads, I’d be having a serious emotional problem.  There is a huge difference between “casual,” and “compulsive.”

That said, our society has a big problem making “crass” more casual in the public square.  The fashion police should arrest most of those young women with big bellies and big butts hanging over those ridiculously low-cut, tight jeans, and short, too-tight tops, as well as young men with no tops, and with their pants falling just at or below their pubic hair line.  Their parents either don’t care, or have given up attempting to be leaders, or have joined the ranks of the “crass” themselves.

This society should shun malls that harbor Victoria’s Secret, Abercrombie & Fitch, and Frederick’s of Hollywood, as these are establishments which use provocative photos and displays to promote their products within clear view of families and children walking through the malls.  I mean, there you are with your adolescent sons and daughters, looking up at practically naked women and men in their underwear, with seductive looks in their eyes.  What are you supposed to say to your children about that?

These images tell your children that sexuality, nudity, their bodies, and intimacy are just “everyday stuff” – no big deal, certainly not private, and definitely not special.  Is that the lesson you want them to learn?

One mother of a 12 year old boy wrote to me that after they came home from their town’s mall in which they personally experienced all of the stuff I’ve just mentioned, he suggested that they should do their shopping online from now on.

Not a bad idea.

Marriage 101: Priming the Pump

Putting romance in your marriage contributes to its success.

So many callers tell Dr. Laura that they never have “time” for romance in their marriages.  If you’re a long-time listener, however, or you’ve read some of her books, you know how Dr. Laura feels about the importance of keeping your marriage alive with small day-to-day kindnesses and reminders of the love that brought you together in the first place.

Watch Dr. Laura’s video blog on one of the most basic things you can do to keep your marriage strong.

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Promiscuity and Social Networking Websites

Turns out that the latter leads to the former!  Recent research by the University of Buffalo Department of Communication and the University of Hawaii reveals that the people who watch reality television visit social networking websites to engage in behaviors like the celebrities they see on shows like American Idol or Survivor.

When people on reality TV are rewarded for their behavior, it communicates to the (usually) young audience that these behaviors are good things.  These so-called “reality” TV shows depict people being exploitive, deceitful, hyper-emotional, vengeful, conspiratorial, sexually promiscuous, generally undignified, immodest, self-centered, and basically exhibitionistic.

According to the university research, “heavy reality TV viewers may adapt personality traits association with celebrities….Reality TV even may be to blame for the erosion of the distinction between the everyday world and the celebrity world.”

This phenomenon is encouraging young folks to make personal information about themselves publicly available online.  We’ve all heard about the proliferation of youngsters sending photos to each other and through the Internet, revealing their genitals and showing themselves engaged in various sexual acts.  Instead of this being “shameful,” it’s trendy.  Parents are becoming way too lax in allowing their children access to electronic equipment, from cell phones to the Internet, without any supervision.  So, with a little “push” and little “pull” back, kids are getting themselves into situations which will impact them for a lifetime.

When children behave like out-of-control celebrities, including drug use, sex, having out-of-wedlock babies, “shacking up,” and testing their parents’ limits as well as the limits of the law, they are less likely to be studying, participating in sports, or contributing charitably in their neighborhoods.