Separated Three Days of the Week

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Her husband’s travel schedule leaves one stay-at-home mom feeling overwhelmed:

Or view other videos at: youtube.com/drlaura

Working from Home Worked for This Family

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We all hear and do too much complaining about our circumstances and how we MUST compromise our values and the well-being of our families in order to survive. 

Truthfully?  That’s rarely true, if at all.  But it requires a commitment to a goal and a commitment to family that will not be compromised.  That means another way HAS to be found.

I’ve recently gotten “hot and heavy” into polymer clay work.  I love it.  There are so many techniques and possibilities that I am seriously enthralled.  I like the look of cameos – those raised pictures on a stone surface.  I’ve been looking around for cute little molds that would be easy to use with minimal or non-existent failure rate.

I found a website, http://www.bestflexiblemolds.com/, and purchased a bunch of molds with faces, flowers, bugs, and more.  I placed my order and got an email from the owner, parts of which I’ve excerpted below.  This is a mom-and-pop business – my favorite kind of business:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you so much for your order.  Our little mold business started in 1981 because I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.  I just had to write to tell you how tickled I am that you have ordered our products.  How they came about is right up your alley.

In 1981, we were transferred to Oklahoma.  In our previous home, I had been a stay-at-home mom…raising our kids and loving it.

My mother had to work from the time I was 3, as our father and mother had divorced.  Times were extremely tough….Mom struggled to keep us fed and warm, but her parents and an aunt helped to raise my sister and myself.  As you can tell, so many of the stories I hear on your radio show…ring true to me….From the time I became a mom, I was determined to stay home with my kids and I did. 

When we moved to Oklahoma, it was a tough time for the economy.  Houses were expensive, loans had double digit interest, and my husband had to take a cut in pay to keep his job.  We did all we could to allow me to stay home.

In a miniature club meeting [that year], I found polymer clay and fell in love with it.  Turns out, I could sculpt!  Who knew?

A few months later, I signed up for a small, local craft show, to try to sell my hand-crafted miniatures to earn enough for new winter coats.  To my surprise, I made $700!  You could have knocked me over with a feather.  The kids had warm coats and we paid some bills.  It seemed that I was in business.

For the next seven years, I stayed at home with my kids while making miniatures, sculpting doll house dolls, and [creating] a signature line of tiny teddy bears called PenniBears.  I taught polymer clay classes in my home, at conventions (the kids went with us), local stores, and eventually had a few dealers who sold my miniatures and PenniBears all over the country.  Soon our kids were back in Christian school and I had a decent car.

[Then] my skill as a miniaturist came to the attention of [a design firm], and I was offered a position of designer/sculptor with their company.  Since my husband worked nights and I would be working days, there would always be someone home with the kids when they came home from school for the next two years, when they would be grown and gone.  For the next 15 years, I was a master sculptor designing giftware…home décor, and animal figurines for home and garden.  Eventually, the company was sold and moved out of Oklahoma, so I started a design studio in my home.

After retiring, we decided to market our line of rubber molds.  I sculpt, design the project, write the tutorials, measure the clay and make the pictures.  Hubby Joe makes the molds, creates and maintains the website and ships the orders.  We are having a great time, staying busy and enjoying life.

And it all started with me trying to find a way to stay home with my children.  Ain’t life grand?

Penni Jo Couch

If I Could Afford Help, I’d Enjoy My Children More

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Some Moms get resentful when they see their friends and acquaintances “living the celebrity mom lifestyle,” where they have time to go to the gym and get their nails done, because they have some paid help with the kids.  Don’t fall into the trap of believing that having more time for yourself necessarily gives your kids (and you) a better family life:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

The Most Important Job in the World

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From a listener after hearing another caller on my radio program:

Dr. Laura:

I grew up listening to you as my own stay-at-home mother bussed [sic] my three siblings and me home after school.  Listening to you teach the moms that would call in, I remember thinking that if I ever had kids, I would be “my kid’s mom.”  I saw Mom spend over 10 years at home with us, and the investment and dedication [she] modeled stuck with me.  Now I am a 24 year-old stay-at-home mom to a bright 13-month-old son.

I just finished listening to a caller who was wondering about taking some yoga classes to get her certification.  I knew exactly where she was coming from, because recently, I also was debating starting grad classes or taking up a part-time job.

The past week, I have been feeling like a hamster in a wheel –  no goals, [no] direction, not really getting anywhere. I’ve been comparing myself to my “friends” who are in grad school, building their careers, globe-trotting, but also “family – less.”  I felt like maybe I needed to keep up.  I thought you were being too hard on [the caller] until you said something that led me to tears.

You told her she had the most important job in the world right now, [and] that there will be time to take the yoga classes later.  I’ve heard you say things like that before, but this time, you were speaking directly to me.

Thank you for that encouragement and truth.  All these years, you were telling everyone else, but I’ve finally made it my own.  I do have the most important job in the world.  It’s challenging, character-building, but full of blessings.  This little boy is growing up very fast. 

The rat race can wait…I am MY kid’s mom!

A Letter from a Former “Stupid” Parent

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Today, I’ve got a guest blog today from Olivia:

Hi, Dr. Laura:

I am a 25 year old married mother of two small boys.  Minutes ago, I just finished
reading your book “Stupid Things Parents Do To Mess Up Their Kids.”  This is why [my reading this] is so timely:

A year ago, some family crisis propelled me into quitting my part-time, yet demanding, job.  In many ways, it was a dream job – part-time, flexible, good pay (or so I thought), and fantastic for my resume.  My family began to deteriorate rather quickly in spite of our kids not being in day care. My job went to my head, and I spent horrible amounts of time on things that had nothing to do with my family, and even harmed my family relationships.  I was being selfish, stupid, and immature as I sought out personal satisfaction and success.

After a major and deserving blow from life, I quit my job, in spite of my board wanting me to stay.  In the last year, I have been focusing on my family more, but have been dabbling in a small business.  Lately, business has been slow, and I have been praying for it to pick up, or to open my eyes to what God would have me do instead.  Stupid, I know, as I have two beautiful sons staring me in the face every day. 

A couple of days ago, when I was in the library with my kids, I had this sudden desire to grab a parenting book (no idea what kind), but in a rush I went to the section, perused quickly and grabbed your book.  You loudly and clearly stating things I knew in my heart, but hadn’t allowed to be voiced in my head.  I really believe this was a divine intervention. 

I know that I am not in the season of life to devote lots of time and energy to anything or anyone other than my family.  You are completely right about everything you said in your book.  Shame on the “so-called” (love how you made fun of that) professionals who tease, shame, and humiliate young, educated women who choose family over career.  And shame on we self-proclaimed “strong” women who allow ourselves to be cowed from taking full-time responsibility for our children, family and home life if we are able. 

I used to feel embarrassed or apologetic when admitting I was a married mother of two at my age.  Now I feel grateful for the path I have chosen, and my joy is full as I recognize the deep personal growth and learning my divinely appointed “job” grants me each and every day as I sacrifice, love, and nurture my family.

Thanks, Dr. Laura.  We need more women to speak out the way you do.

Staying Home for Older Kids

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Not long ago, I posted a video on my YouTube Channel addressing whether it was ever too late to be a stay-at-home mom. I got the following response to that video from a listener, and she’s my “guest blogger” for today, especially because this is the week a lot of parents send their kids back to school:

Dear Dr. Laura:
I have always been at home with my kids, who are now 11, 14, and 16. I am so thankful that I am still home with them, and feel it’s just as important now as it was when they were little.

Since I am home, all the kids come over here. I have the benefit of knowing my kids’ friends and their parents well, and knowing where my kids are and who they are with. This has been especially important during the summer, when many kids spend long hours unsupervised. I knew my 16 year old was not out drinking or getting in trouble, because he was right here. We went swimming together one day, and talked about his plans for college and how he felt about the upcoming school year-another one of those precious and important conversations I would have missed if I wasn’t here.

During the school year, it’s during the first 15 minutes after they get home that I hear all about their day, their troubles and their triumphs. I would miss that if I were at work. I am the mom who can pick up friends, work in the classroom, bake last minute cookies, and make a costume for drama, because I am home.

The older they get, the more I realize how short our time is with them, and the more thankful I am for every minute. I enjoy my teens much more now than I did when they were little, and I am grateful every day that I will not miss their last year as children. And yes, you better believe that both I and the kids thank my wonderful husband that Mom is able to be at home during this critical time.

Thanks for standing up for those of us who are at home doing “nothing” all day with our older kids.

Lynn

Is It Ever Too Late to Be a SAHM?

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A mother of a 14 year old asked this very good question.  Watch to see my answer:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Mommy Journaling Reinforces The Joys of Staying Home

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I’m traveling this week, doing my radio program from Detroit and then from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, so I thought I’d feature a guest blogger today, who wrote in with the following comments:

Hi, Dr. Laura!
I am a stay-at-home mom of two beautiful children, ages 4 1/2 and almost 2.  I have been a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) since the middle of my first pregnancy.  I just picked up your book “In Praise of Stay-At-Home Moms,” and read it cover-to-cover in two days.  At first, the book made me angry.  Not at anything you said, but it stirred up some old emotions in me that I thought I had buried long ago.

You see, I have felt a lot of negativity from my in-laws since the day my husband and I decided that I would quit my job to stay home to raise our family.  My mother-in-law and father-in-law, and even both brothers-in-law and their wives, who all have children in day care, felt that I was not pulling my weight-that I was a burden on my husband, and that my children should be in day care.  Can you imagine?!!

My husband and I lead a completely different lifestyle from them, but that didn’t seem to matter to them. We don’t have a thirty foot trailer for camping, and it’s not important for us to have brand new SUVs or granite countertops.  We can have those material things in due time, if we choose.

Reading your book made me think about the past again, the way my children and I have been treated over the years, and it brought back all the anger and resentment.  As I continued reading your book, it clicked!  My in-laws are jealous of the quality time that I get to spend with my children every day.  Also, the biggie for me:  happiness is a matter of perspective.  Both my husband and I feel like we are doing the right thing by having me stay-at-home and that’s all that matters.  Period.

In a quest to keep the right perspective, I have started journaling my proud “mommy moments,” and I thought I would share this with you.  Perhaps this might help other SAHMs keep a positive outlook, too.  There’s no denying that being a full-time stay-at-home mom is both rewarding and challenging.  So, I started journaling all the wonderful moments that I experience with my children on a daily basis – the moments I would never be able to experience via Mommy-cam. 

Today, my daughter lovingly brushed the hair away from my forehead and kissed me sweetly on my forehead, just as I have done to her countless times.  I wrote it down.  When my little boy wraps his pudgy arms around my legs and squeezes me with all his might, I write it down.  That way, when things get tough, which they will, I can quickly glance over my Mommy journal and see why I’m doing this again, to help me keep a positive outlook.  I know this won’t make whatever is troubling me magically disappear, but I do think that seeing what’s positive and wonderful in my life will help to clear my head and give me strength for Round 2 and 3.

You have been such a wonderful influence on me, Dr. Laura.  Thank you for helping to lift my chin, so when people ask me what I do for a living, I can respond, smiling, “I am a proud FULL-time stay-at-home Mommy and I love my life.”

God bless you and yours,

C.