And The Stinky Award Goes To…

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We always see awards given out for outstanding achievement - in performance (like the Tony Awards this past Sunday), in writing (like the Pulitzers) or a variety of humanitarian endeavors.  Well, I’ve decided to give out my own version of an award, which I’m calling “The Stinky.”  To find out exactly what and who prompted my decision to do this, you’ll have to watch the video below:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Raising Teenage Boys Into Responsible Men

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What is a father to do about his teenage son who would rather run with his friends than show the slightest bit of interest in getting a job or continuing his education?  I have an answer for that, and all you have to do is watch:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

When Should the Kids Get Their Pink Slip?

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Parents these days are faced with the prospect of adult children moving back into the family home or forming some other kind of financial dependency on them.  When is enough enough?

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Should I Spy on my Teenager?

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It’s a question smart parents ask themselves more than once, as soon as their adorable children move into their teen years and sometimes turn into alien beings.  Well, this week, one of my listeners asked me that question, and I decided to answer it in this week’s video:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Bristol Palin’s Baby Daddy Talks

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I am just sickened.  It seems the “male” who impregnated Sarah Palin’s teenage daughter outside of wedlock (and now, with no wedlock to be had) is going on television shows to give “his side” of the story.  What “sides” are there to be had when two teens breach basic moral good sense and have sex when they are in no position emotionally, psychologically or financially to raise a family?  Now there is yet another poor child in the world without an intact, covenantly committed, grown-up and secure two-parent, mom and dad family.  Sad.

In the old days, the man “did the right thing,” and marriage was the solution.  These days, men just walk away, or women declare that they “don’t need” a guy - they can do it all themselves.  Well, the abandonment by a dad is devastating to a child in many painful ways, and no woman, no matter how nurturing, can offer any child what they lose in not having that paternal influence.

So, instead of tarring and feathering this young man for daring to “kiss and tell,” he’s being treated like something special, with polite interviews on television!  I find this utterly disgusting, but typical for TV, which goes looking for situations like this to exploit for ratings, e.g., “We have an exclusive interview with the boy who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter!”

During the election, Mrs. Palin paraded her pregnant daughter and the sperm donor around to display family values, saying they were “engaged.”  That, too, was a disgusting display, especially with John McCain embracing this shameful young man on international television.

“Normalizing” children born without the protective womb of family is an assault on the well-being of children everywhere, and a bad influence on young men and women who too often follow that old adage:  “Monkey see, monkey do.”

Children should be our first concern and responsibility - not our incidental playthings.

Morning-After Pill for 17 Year Old Girls?

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Out-of-wedlock sex is just no big deal anymore.  It’s even the basic plot of many television sitcoms, making it seem like a royal good time.  After all, isn’t sex just a natural instinct and desirable physical release?  If you have an itch, it should be scratched, right?  At least that’s what I see my dog Bebe do when she clearly has an itchy paw.

Religious teaching be damned.  There should be no guilt about a good romp in the hay that is meaningless, whether extra-marital or non-marital.  Why the big fuss?

Well, let’s see.  We can throw in the “fuss” basket some of the following:

1. Sexually-transmitted diseases, some of which can kill.
2. Unwanted pregnancies, some of which we can kill or raise without a complete and loving home with two parents, who have a sacred covenant called marriage.

Of course, there’s also the unexpected consequence of realizing that very little out-of-wedlock sex has any meaning whatsoever after so many such experiences.  Women feel used and desperate; men feel crass and disappointed.  And never mind the hurt feelings that come from ultimate rejection when one gets bored and the other underestimates what being sexually intimate results in with regard to feeling about themselves and their life.

This all leads up to the fact that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has been ordered by a federal judge to allow 17 year old girls (not women) to have Plan B, the morning-after pill, without a prescription, as it is available to those over 18.  This has been an ideological issue, as some folks wish for girls (married or not) to have no impediment to “expressing their sexuality” with the back-up of the morning-after pill, as well as abortion. 

This is astonishing to me, considering all the medical and emotional issues that surround sexuality.

The morning-after pill is a contraceptive that reduces the chance of pregnancy if taken within three days after sexual intercourse.   It contains a high dose of birth control drugs. The pill works by preventing ovulation or by interfering with implantation of a fertilized egg.

I’m just sad that girls, often having sex with adult males, figure it’ll all be okay without a condom, because the adult male reminds them that “there is always Plan B or an abortion.”  Not to worry…no big deal.

Well, over 32 years of a radio call-in program has provided me proof that there is no easy fix for the feelings of guilt, loss, being used, and multiple meaningless sexual experiences.  I, for one, am sad that we keep opening the door wider and wider for women and men to feel less and less responsibility and awe about each other.  No wonder anti-depressants are among the best-selling drugs in America.

The Dangers of Teen Sexting

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In the more than three decades I have been on the radio and in counseling practice, the saddest experiences (and the most difficult to be helpful with) are those where parents call to tell me their child is dead.  The child may have been the victim of an accident, war, a crime, an illness, or a suicide.  No matter which, the pain is unimaginable and the duration is infinite.  It is against the “order of things” for our children to die first; and it is against the order of things for us to feel incapable of protecting our children from everything, anything, and anyone. 

The hurt and rage a parent feels is understandable.  A desire to do something with that hurt and rage is also understandable. It is generally difficult to get a sense of closure or justice or revenge.  And so many parents believe that, if they can get one or all of those, the pain goes away.  It doesn’t….not really.

An 18 year old young woman in Ohio sent nude pictures of herself to a boyfriend.  Apparently, this “texting” of private parts is quite the rage in the youth population.  At some point, the relationship ended, and he, I guess, thought it would be amusing to send the photos to other students at the school.

In May, 2008, the young teen went on a local Cincinnati television station to warn other teens against sending personal body part or naked photos to others, lest they also go through the harassment that she got, as students - mostly girls - called her a “slut” and a “whore.”  In spite of her noble efforts to warn other young people, and the gratitude she got from innumerable parents, two months later, she decided to kill herself, apparently as a way to avoid the painful embarrassment.

“Sexting” (as it’s called) is a growing problem that has resulted in child pornography charges being filed against some teens across the country, because sending sexually charged pictures of minors is a crime  One national survey found that 39% or more of teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages, and 48% report receiving them!

This young woman was humiliated by the daily snide remarks, and she started skipping school.  Her mother drove her to school to make sure she got there.  Then, after attending the funeral of one of her friends who committed suicide, this young, tormented woman hanged herself in her bedroom.

Of course, the focus for her mother is an attempt to punish those students or the school with lawsuits and criminal charges.  The mother is understandably beside herself and wanting to lash out in rage.  However, the fault doesn’t lie in the stars.  The openly sexual environment that children are exposed to makes these behaviors (like oral sex in middle school classrooms and bathrooms across the country) seem like the norm for the day.  Girls have always wanted to make boys love them, and cell phone texting technology just gives young people another avenue to express their hopeful desperation to be wanted and loved.

It was pathetic and stupid of her to send the picture; it was unconscionable of her ex-boyfriend to expose her to ridicule; it was disgusting for girls (competitive little witches that some can be) to make fun of her; it was brave for her to use her experience to warn others; it was too bad her family didn’t get her mental health support or transfer her to another school; it was a deadly coincidence that her friend committed suicide; it is an unspeakable anguish that she thought this was the best solution for a “temporary” problem.

I hesitate to write “temporary” because, with the Internet, such photos are forever, and those who wish to cause hurt to others relish in exploiting such mishaps for their own pathetic ego gain.

Parents, many of your children have already done this via hand-held video cameras or computer cameras.  Many of your children have already been “embarrassed,” while others have become more popular.  Very few will kill themselves, but even then, something in them does die, as what is precious and private becomes entertainment for the immature and downright mean.  Parents, make sure your kids know not to become either.

You’re Not Being Fair!

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Not long ago, I heard from an exasperated family, because their teen daughter had violated some house rules and explained that the rules just weren’t “fair.” Guess what? I agreed with the daughter! Find out why:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.