Envy is the Root of Some Evil

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The issue of envy is so important it made it into the Ten Commandments, worded as “thou shalt not covet…”

Unfortunately, it is probably the most abused of the Commandments and a major human vice, leading to a heck of a lot of misery for those who simply have worked hard to attain whatever they have and whoever they’ve become.
 
I get irritated when people either “luck” into good fortune or abuse values and slip into good fortune anyway.  I never have a problem, however, with someone (whether I like them or not) who has worked hard and is earning whatever it is they have.  I admire and respect hard work.  It’s as simple as that.

What pains me down to my gut is hearing, watching and often experiencing the viciousness that erupts from envy:  1) feeling entitled without making the effort;  2) begrudging the hard-earned success of others and doing something to hurt them.

Starting rumors about the person you envy just to besmirch their reputation, actively undermining their progress, nastily talking “smack” about them, being mean to them….all that energy should be put into making more of yourself.  Your value in the world is not predicated on them going under.  Your value to others is based on the light you shine, not the effort you make to dim the light of others.
 
It is a waste of your life and energy and potential to be mean about someone else’s success and happiness.  Use all of that energy to face your own fears or laziness and do it yourself.

What I’ve Learned From the Events of the Past Week

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Listen to “What I’ve Learned From the Events of the Past Week” here

To those of you who are listening right now, I appreciate it.  Thank you for tuning in to my show. 
 
Now, last Tuesday I used a word that I had never used before on air.  I pulled myself off at the end of the hour.  With one hour to go, we played a tape.  Truthfully, I was so upset with myself; I was shaking.    
 
That same night I wrote my apology (about 8 o’clock at night).  That same evening I gave Don Barrett, who is the publisher of LARadio.com, a statement which he published at 7am the next morning.  I got my people up early and put the apology on my blog at 8am.  We sent a letter — sort of - it was an email) to 200,000 members of my online family to let them know that, at noon, that day, I would be issuing an apology.  I would fully apologize for saying that word at the top of my show on Wednesday.  And if you haven’t heard it and would like to hear it, you can, still, because we posted it at www.drlaura.com.
 
I have no trouble apologizing when I’m wrong and I never apologize for effect.  I apologize ONLY when it is really coming from my heart.  In over 30 years in radio this was the first such circumstance and I made the promise that it will never happen again. 
 
Well today it’s one day short of a week since I said the word.  And I thought, today, I would talk to you about what has happened… and what I have learned.
 
Now, the day I said the word… I received a variety of emails from listeners.  There were many that expressed disappointment.  Several said that they felt they would have trouble listening to me again.   To each one of those emails, I responded with a personal apology.  I even read one of those letters during the on-air apology.
 
And then, after I apologized, I received more letters.  Many asked me why I needed to apologize.  A few said they were still upset at what I had done.  But most of the letters I received, while expressing dismay with what I did in the first place, were appreciative and gracious, accepting my apology. 
 
I want to make it clear to you that my apology on Wednesday morning didn’t have any conditions… it didn’t have any hesitation… and I think it’s important for everybody to be clear about the sincerity of that apology.  It was made while there were absolutely no demands for me to apologize.  Nobody had demanded that I apologize.  It came from my heart because I knew I had done the wrong thing. 
 
Now, despite all my efforts and sincere desire to express my remorse fully and publicly, it was not until Thursday evening that the news media started getting on the story.  Since then I have received support from many of you thanking me for the apology and encouraging me to soldier on. 
 
However, as the media have rebroadcast my error again and again and again and again, compounding the damage which I shouldn’t have done… and never intended to do in the first place… the effect has been that my words have offended many, many, many, many more people and there are many who are saying they will not accept my apology. 
 
Now, every time I take a call from one of you and you are upset with yourself that you’ve done something wrong and you want to make amends, I tell you you have to follow the four “R”’s -
 
Take Responsibility for your mistake.  Make an immediate apology.
 
Show true Remorse.   Don’t try to explain away your action or defend it.
 
Repair what is in your power to Repair.
 
Make a commitment to never Repeat.

• Responsibility
• Remorse
• Repair
• Repeat

Those are my four R’s.  I’ve been teaching you guys that for over 30 years that I’ve been on radio.
 
But there are things out of my control.  There will be people out there who will not accept my apology.  And, just like I tell you folks, we can’t control that.  I can’t control that.  I hope they will listen to what I have to say, and watch what I do.  But the only thing that is in my control is what I say and do.
 
Now, what makes me sad…what pains my heart deeply…is that, beyond the reasoned letters which I continue to get, I have heard comments from some broadcasters and letters from some people that cannot be described as anything other than hate-filled diatribes.  Hate-filled.  This does not make me angry, but it hurts my heart. 
 
My hope with my apology, which was true and immediate and uncoerced, was that the silver lining might be that a dialogue be started to stop hate and bigotry.  I still hold out some hope… but I am a realist and I fear that there are those who frankly want to encourage hate and anger.
 
Now, when I first started out in radio, people would disagree…they DISAGREED…they didn’t HATE.  They didn’t try to censor, they didn’t try to destroy an opposing point of view.  Instead…they just argued and debated, and argued and disagreed, and debated and argued.  But our society has changed dramatically.  Self-appointed activist types breed hate, breed anger, breed destruction should anyone hold up a mirror or dare to disagree.  This environment, as you know, is not only in radio and television…it is in politics; it’s in every area of our society…in your neighborhoods, in your school districts, at work… 
 
But for those of you who don’t accept my apology, I’d like to say… that’s your choice.  But I hope, in time, through what I say and what I don’t say… through what I do and what I don’t do… you’ll change your mind. 
 
For those of you who accept my apology:  Thank you.  And I hope I will continue to earn your good will and grace.

Motivation or Bribe? That’s the Question.

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Here’s an interesting question regarding the timing of rewards as a factor in behavioral motivation:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

Soldier Who Leaked Documents Betrayed Our Country

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I was stunned last Sunday when I read that Private Bradley E. Manning, after taking solemn oaths to protect his country and his fellow soldiers, decided that he no longer personally liked the concept of America’s participation in relieving Afghanistan of the Taliban.  Based upon his mood, he allegedly released over 90,000 classified documents via the Internet to Julien Assange, who is the person behind WikiLeaks.

Mr. Assange released the documents to the New York Times, the Guardian, and Der Spiegel instead of to the world at once, because (as he is quoted as saying): “You’d think the bigger and more important the document is, the more likely it will be reported on, but that’s absolutely not true.  It’s about supply and demand.  Zero supply equals high demand; it has value.  As soon as we release the material, the supply goes to infinity, so the perceived value goes to zero.”

Isn’t that just stunning?  The value of the documents, according to WikiLeaks, is determined by the means of distribution and not by the content?  Is this some kind of media game for attention and power?

Let me first say that I believe in the value and courage of some whistleblowing, for example, when there’s concrete evidence that a company knew its product was dangerous and that they accepted the fact some people would die because they were looking at their bottom line, and it was cheaper to pay for the deaths than change the design of their product.  That situation has occurred - in the car industry, as you may remember - and that form of whistleblowing is specifically geared only toward saving human lives.

Pvt. Bradley Manning enlisted in the Army in 2007, and was working as an Army intelligence analyst, examining classified information.  This twenty-two year old decided on his own that US foreign policy was incorrect, and tracked down a former computer hacker in Sacramento, California named Adrian Lamo, who he thought would be a soul-less mate, and told him how he had downloaded the classified information: “I would come in with music on a CD-RW labeled with something like ‘Lady Gaga,’” he told Lamo.  While pretending to sing along to Lady Gaga, Manning would actually be erasing the music from the CD and recording intelligence onto it instead.

A disgruntled pipsqueak with minimal social skills finally finds his power…putting his fellow soldiers and his country at risk.  Now, that’s being a man?

Adrian Lamo is the hero here.  Fearing that the soldier’s leaks could put American lives at risk, he went to the FBI.  “Had I not acted, I would have always wondered had I gotten someone killed,” Lamo said.  Adrian Lamo is an American hero. 

Adrian Lamo has received threats, including threats of death.  What??  I think he should be awarded the highest medal America gives to a civilian.  Talk to me about the hypocrisy of supporting Manning for so-called whistleblowing, but not Lamo.

Lamo reports Manning wanted Hillary Clinton to wake up and have a heart attack, and that Manning was trying to be an “army of one” and stop the war in Afghanistan, which Manning felt was unjust.  “He did so with the stated intention of disrupting United States’ foreign policy.”  Imagine…

Lamo said, “I don’t think that this is going to do us any good in terms of trying to build relationships and maintain relationships with our allies in the war on terror.”

Here’s more hypocrisy:  Julien Assange has WikiLeaks well insulated (which is sort of counter to his avowed position to make everyone’s “privacies” public, even if it puts lives at risk).  Key members of WikiLeaks are known only by their initials (”M,” for example) even deep within WikiLeaks, where communications are conducted by encrypted online chat services.

Will Julien Assange - “Mr. WikiLeaks” - think positively about the whistleblower that leaks all his information and that of his network?  I don’t think so.

What infuriates me even more is this situation is not being received with a huge, national, shaking reaction by either major political party or any aspect of our news media!  None of the major players, including the so-called liberal mainstream media, nor pundits like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Sarah Palin, and none of our politicians on either side of the aisle have pitched their tents to deal with this egregious and evil assault on the military and the United States of America.  Why no ferocious outrage?  I’ve seen more attention paid to the stupid shenanigans of Lindsay Lohan.

Perhaps it’s because this is so big - bigger than Jane Fonda sitting, smiling, on a North Vietnamese tank, for the world-wide press.  This is the concerted attempt first of one lonely, maladjusted private to betray his country and his oaths, with little or no regard for the final impact on his country and his fellow soldiers, and second, the enthusiastic response of WikiLeaks to dispense national security information to the world for the power of it, and the desire to destroy our country.

I guess this is so big a situation it boggles the mind and makes it impossible for people to neatly and simply wrap their brains around it.  It’s easier to watch reality television or listen to pots calling kettles racist.

A newspaper leaking information is something we can deal with.  The Internet dispenses information without any controls - WikiLeaks has no address and no accountability.  That is hugely frightening.  So, I think this is why there is little outrage.

I suppose the right thing is to court martial Private Bradley Manning.  I pray this ends with a firing squad, and they ask me to participate.

Betraying your country because you are an unhappy person just shows you how mundane an appearance evil can make.

Manson Family Murderer Denied Parole

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Leslie Van Houten, the one-time Charles Manson follower, faced her 19th parole hearing on Tuesday with a new lawyer. 

Van Houten, 60, remains in prison at the California Institution for Women at Frontera, which is the same prison where another Manson follower, Patricia Krenwinkle is imprisoned.  Susan Atkins, the third woman convicted of murder in the crimes directed by cult leader Manson, died in prison after parole officials denied her dying request for freedom.

Van Houten was 19 years old when she joined other members of the Manson cult in the brutal, sadistic, merciless killings of Leno and Rosemary LaBianca, who were murdered in their own home in their own bed in August, 1969.

Her lawyer says she is rehabilitated and remorseful. 

In the coverage of this story on Tuesday, many people posted comments online.

This one was for Van Houten’s release:

“I always find it amusing how un-Christianlike so many so-called ‘Christians’ are.  Before judging, ask yourself if YOU are the same idiot now that you were at 19.  No, wait - some of you probably are!  Yes, nothing will bring the LaBiancas back, but there is a difference between ‘justice’ and ‘revenge.’  If she is actually, truly rehabilitated (and not one of you is her psychiatrist, so you don’t actually know anything), and able and willing to be a productive member of society, then justice has probably been served.  Let the courts decide, and hope that if you ever end up on trial that the jury of your peers is made up of people who aren’t all exactly like you.  But if you have no compassion, then look at it this way:  it costs more money to keep her in than to let her out.  And the cell she’s currently occupying could be used to house another young violent animal until she learns some sense.”

And this comment argued against Van Houten’s release:

“Manson and his followers tortured and killed seven people, and have been in prison for 40 years - not even 10 years per life they took.  They should have all been executed in the beginning, and the tax dollars saved.  For the folks that say ‘but she was only 19,’ I know 19 year olds who join the military, willing to lay down their lives for an ideal; I know 19 year olds who work with Habitat for Humanity.  They are worth saving.  This piece of trash forfeited that when she joined in the massacre.  If her family wants to keep her alive, then let them pay the monetary cost.  When the money runs out, a bullet to the head will end it.  Send the bill for the bullet and the burial to the defense lawyer.”

Frankly, I am always amused to hear someone hasn’t committed crimes while in prison.  It’s kind of difficult to find a child to rape, or a family in bed to brutally murder you once you hook up with a team of sadistic buddies.  So what Van Houten has taken courses and participated in group therapy sessions?  People are permanently dead because of her actions. 

I was against her parole for two reasons:

1.  Symbolic - we don’t show an ultimate respect for life when we show mercy to the merciless; and
2. The price was life in prison - Van Houten forfeited her right to live in society.  It sounds like her life in prison has been quite rewarding - what with education, social life, and work.  She’s luckier than her victims.

I think Leslie Van Houten is exactly where she earned to be, and if it costs money to keep her there, it is money well spent.  Apparently, the parole board agreed with me too, because they denied her request for parole.  She will have the chance to ask for her freedom for the 20th time in the year 2013.

Single Parenthood By Choice

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I often get fascinating letters and emails from listeners to my radio program. 

Dr. Laura:
Recently, I was invited to join a group in support of removing Father’s and Mother’s Day celebrations in public schools.  Upon looking further into this group, I found that the founder of this group was a single mom “by choice,” and was angry her child was being made to feel bad because the other children have daddies, and hers does not.  I wanted to send you the email I sent her:

I think you should seriously consider shutting down this group.  I find
it interesting  you “chose” single parenthood for your child, but are not punishing those who did not for YOUR decision.  The majority of children have a mother and father and those who don’t will have to learn to deal with disappointment and adapt.  You act as though she shouldn’t have to learn to deal with disappointment, but in order to become a productive adult, she will.  Sadly, this disappointment was thrust upon her by you.  Instead of sitting down with her like an adult and explaining why she doesn’t have a father and why you chose that life for you, you are placing the blame on the school system for making her feel bad and putting her in an uncomfortable situation.  You do realize Father’s Day isn’t the only time she’ll be reminded she has no father, right?  By making this subject taboo, you are making her feel further alienated and, in the same breath, telling her you made a decision for her that was wrong.  Make up your mind.  Either you did this by choice and are willing to deal with the consequences, or you are embarrassed by the situation you are in and you want to cover up your mistake so your daughter doesn’t have to know.  Grow up and take ownership of your choices.

S.

I cannot tell you how happy I was to read this.  I hope that you are taking stands whenever you see people deconstructing the family to permit themselves the freedom to do whatever the hell they want.

The woman referred to in this letter, like so many others, decided :  “I want a kid.”  “I want a kid” - not “Gee, I’d really like to be a Mom.  What’s in the best interest of a child?”  How about a mom and a dad, married, and no daycare?  No.  It was just what “I” want for this woman.  So with this group, she has tried to deconstruct the family in the public schools by saying there’s no Mother’s or Father’s Day - it’s all irrelevant - trying to cover up that she knows she did something wrong to her kid, by intentionally robbing her child of a father, for her own selfish needs.  And our society is giving all of that a pass:  “anything you want to call ‘family’ is a family.” 

It appears that it doesn’t matter what a kid needs.  It just matters what the adults want.

Pity Stupidity, But Hate Evil

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I received an email recently in which a listener asked:  “Dr. Laura…I don’t get it.  People call and tell you that they have a relative who is bigoted about something or someone, and your answers seem to differ between letting them be and taking them on.  What’s the story with that?”

Great question.  The callers who tell me they know a relative or friend is hostile, bigoted, or opinionated about something always get the following question from me:  “Tell me…do they act out on it?  Do they proclaim it in public and insult or hurt people because of it?”

If the answer is “yes,” then that person is to be shunned and, perhaps, hated.  I don’t have any positive things to say about Mexican drug dealers who murder innocent people on both sides of the border for power and money.  I hate them for the human pain and misery they directly cause.  People who decide to take the drugs are just stupid, and they’re on their own.  I don’t blame the drug dealers for someone else’s poor judgment.

If the answer is “no,” that person should be commended for having a strong opinion but never hurting anyone in any form because of it.  I don’t hate people with stupid opinions or ideas.  I just think they’re….kinda stupid, that’s all.

Most people have opinions about other groups of people, both positive and/or negative.  So what?…as long as they don’t act out on those sentiments in ways that bring sorrow, hurt and pain to others.

My point is that it is in the actions of a person that we grade them, not their thoughts.   I do hate those who kill their children on purpose and then blame it on their “enemy” in order to gain sympathy around the world.

In a nutshell:  pity stupidity…hate evil.  If you treat them both the same, you border on evil as well.

Grit + Determination = The Right Character

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If you think you can’t get out from under the problems and stresses of your life, then you have to pay attention to the email I got from one determined listener:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.