Nonetheless, I found the “meanings” that have been attributed to each fold very moving, and I’m posting them here as something to contemplate as we display our flags for the Fourth of July:

The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.

The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veterans departing our ranks who gave a portion of their lives for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world.

The fourth fold represents our weaker nature; for as American citizens trusting, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in time of war for His divine guidance.

The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, ‘Our Country, in dealing with other countries may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong.’

The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie.  It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor mother, for whom it flies on Mother’s Day.

The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood; for it has been through their faith, their love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded.

The tenth fold is a tribute to the father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born.

The eleventh fold, in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and glorifies in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

The twelfth fold, the in the eyes of a Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit.

The thirteenth fold:  when the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost reminding us of our nation’s motto:  ‘In God We Trust.’  After the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington, and the Sailors and Marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades and shipmates in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving for us the rights, privileges and freedoms we enjoy today.

The next time you see a flag ceremony honoring someone that has served our country, either in the Armed Forces or in our civilian services such as the police force or Fire Department, keep in mind all the important reasons behind each and every movement.  They have paid the ultimate sacrifice for all of us by honoring our flag and our country.

The program is sponsored by College Bound Sisters.  Girls in the program attend 90-minute meetings every week, at which they receive lessons in abstinence and the use of contraceptives, and they receive one dollar per day that they are not pregnant.  The money is deposited into a fund that’s available for collection when they enroll in college.

Obviously, there are many who will say “Hey, bribery is not the correct way to handle such behavioral issues.”  But slow down and think about it – when a 12 year old believes that one dollar a day is a great incentive, it tells you two things:

1. the gentle maturity level of such young girls
2. how so very many young girls are hungry for direction

Keep in mind that 3 out of 10 young women become pregnant by age 20, and the costs associated with teen pregnancies exceed $9 BILLION annually.

So, what’s their track record?  According to the co-director of the program, 6 of the 125 who have been enrolled for 6 months or longer have gotten pregnant or otherwise dropped out since it began in 1997 (and it only costs $75,000 – not billion – to operate the program).  Recent graduates have left the program with up to $3,000 saved up for college.  Basically, the representatives of the program say “If someone believes in you, there’s no end to what a lot of people can accomplish.”

This reminds me of a patient I had years ago, who went from “ditzy” behavior and drug addiction to clean and sober.  She completed college and advanced nursing training, and has been employed ever since.  A little ego in me caused me to ask here, “What made the difference here?”  I thought she’d point out some brilliant intervention of mine.  Nope, not at all.  She pointed out that I had believed in her when no one else did, that she had respected me, and I respected her potential.  That made the difference in her outlook and choices.

So, when you’re confused as to how to really help someone, just believe in them, and let them know it.

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

The pseudo meaningfulness we imagine as we add our names and faces to someone’s Internet site is addictive, yet ultimately vacuous. There isn’t really anyone out there who cares enough to hold your hand when you are in pain.

The Annenberg Center for the Digital Future at the University of California reported last week that 28% of Americans interviewed last year said they have been spending less time with family members. That’s nearly triple from the numbers in 2006.

In the old days when television was young, families watched together in one room. Now there are TVs in every room of the home, with 500 or more channels, and the family is dispersed, with each “doing their own thing.” The Internet is a one-on-one, non-family experience also - breaking down the cohesiveness of family dynamics, parenting, sharing, and plain old caring.

The problem is that people are, by nature, gregarious. That means we need company. When we spend our time with the technology that minimizes the intimacy of company, we forever alter the ability of individuals to actually experience pure intimacy in a positive, ultimately satisfying manner. And the experience of having lots of so-called “friends” on the Internet is beguiling, but empty — -in effect, a distorted form of solitude.

There is no wonder that so many people have a deep problem with being able to love - they mostly want to be satisfied by flattery, freedom from reciprocal responsibility and the reality of obligations and responsibilities, much less sacrifice for the general good or the benefit of another.

Technological advances in “communication” have actually increased the number of people you can interact with, but have more importantly diluted out the meaningfulness of those same interactions.

Think of families together at dinner, and a whole town helping rebuild your barn. Compare that to what you have now in your life. Which is better for quality of life?

Luke Air Force Base is a little west of Phoenix, and it’s surrounded by residential developments.  People have complained about the noise from the base and its planes.  One day in June, 2005, an individual who lives somewhere near the base wrote the local paper complaining about the group of F-16s that disturbed his day.  Here’s his Letter to the Editor of The Arizona Republic newspaper:
 
“Question of the day for Luke Air Force Base:  Whom do we thank for the morning air show? 

Last Wednesday, at precisely 9:11AM, a tight formation of four F-16 jets made a low pass over Arrowhead Mall, continuing west over Bell Road at approximately 500 feet.  Imagine our good fortune!

Do the Tom Cruise-wannabes feel we need this wake-up call, or were they trying to impress the cashiers at Mervyns’ early-bird special?

Any response would be appreciated.

Tom MacRae”

Mr. MacRae received a response from a commander at Luke Air Force Base which was published in the newspaper the following day, but it’s the response from Lt. Col. Scott Pleus, commander of the 63rd Fighter Squadron at Luke Air Force Base that caught the attention of everyone.  This letter was also published in The Arizona Republic, four days after Mr. MacRae’s initial complaint:

“Regarding “A wake-up call from Luke’s jets”:

On June 15, at precisely 9:12 a.m., a perfectly timed four-ship of F-16s from the 63rd Fighter Squadron at Luke Air Force Base flew over the grave of Capt. Jeremy Fresques.

Capt. Fresques was an Air Force officer who was previously stationed at Luke Air Force Base and was killed in Iraq on May 30, Memorial Day.

At 9 a.m., on June 15, his family and friends gathered at Sunland Memorial Park in Sun City to mourn the loss of a husband, son and friend.

Based on the letter writer’s recount of the flyby, and because of the jet noise, I’m sure you didn’t hear the 21-gun salute, the playing of taps, or my words to the widow and parents of Capt. Fresques as I gave them their son’s flag on behalf of the president of the United States and all those veterans and servicemen and women who understand the sacrifices they have endured.

A four-ship flyby is a display of respect the Air Force pays to those who gave their lives in defense of freedom.  We are professional aviators and take our jobs seriously, and on June 15 what the letter writer witnessed was four officers lining up to pay their ultimate respects. 

The letter writer asks, ‘Whom do we thank for the morning air show?’

The 56th Fighter Wing will call for you, and forward your thanks to the widow and parents of Capt. Fresques, and thank them for you, for it was in their honor that my pilots flew the most honorable formation of their lives.

Lt. Col. Scott Pleus
Luke Air Force Base”

The postscript to all of this is that Mr. MacRae, to his credit, wrote an apology that was published in The Arizona Republic on July 9:

“Regarding ‘Flyby honoring fallen comrade’

I read with increasing embarrassment and humility the response to my unfortunate letter to The Republic concerning an Air Force flyby.

I had no idea of the significance of the flyby, and would never have insulted such a fine and respectful display had I known.

I have received many calls from the fine airmen who are serving or have served at Luke, and I have attempted to explain my side and apologized for any discomfort my letter has caused.

This was simply an uninformed citizen complaining about noise.

I have been made aware in both written and verbal communications of the four-ship flyby, and my heart goes out to each and every lost serviceman and woman in this war in which we are engaged.

I have been called un-American by an unknown caller and I feel that I must address that.  I served in the U.S. Navy and am a Vietnam veteran.  I love my country and respect the jobs that the service organizations are doing.

Please accept my heartfelt apologies.

Tom MacRae”

My supervisor, a well-known and talented therapist said five words which reverberated in my head - the head of a “Type A,” over-achiever mentality person that I was (or am).  He said, “Not everything can be fixed.” 

I was shocked and horrified.  To even think that there were limits to what any human being could do, to think that there were no remedies for certain circumstances, to think that I couldn’t “lay on hands” and make all better every person I tried to help - well, all of this was unthinkable.

As I matured, however, I realized he was right.

I had several calls in the past week that demonstrated that truth — that not everything can be fixed — so it shouldn’t be broken in the first place!!  It’s why I do what I do on radio versus having a private practice.  You all get to hear what decisions, choices, behaviors, and actions put you in a (probably) unfixable place.

There was the 21 year old woman who came on the program giggling about how she had listened to me since she was 2 years old.  Now, with two children out-of-wedlock with a guy who won’t marry her because she hasn’t taken down her Facebook profile after she promised she would, she wanted to know how to fix the relationship and get married.

Since he didn’t marry her before the children, since he didn’t marry her after the first child, since he didn’t marry her after the second child, he probably isn’t going to marry her after the Facebook argument gave his dumping her some legitimacy.  I guess 19 years of listening to the program didn’t do it for her.

The second female caller was about the same age, again with two out-of-wedlock children, living at her boyfriend’s parents’ home.  She was shacking up with him, and wanted to know how to get him to move out so they could be on their own, after he said he didn’t ever want to move out of his mother’s home!

The moral of these stories is that when you insist on making impulsive decisions and act only out of the moment, then you will, at some point, dig a hole that you won’t be able to get out of. 

By the way, I told the first woman to move in with her parents, so the children can have a father (in the form of Grandpa), and she was not to date until they were grown.  I told the second woman to give up her dreams and faulty plan, keep her mouth shut, and just live there, giving the impression of being happy, so the kids don’t have to grow up with a negative mother until the kids are grown.

Of course, women are not the only ones who need to hear this message.  A lot of men marry “damsels in distress,” only to be stuck with… distressed damsels!!  They hope to save them and fix them, but….some things can’t be fixed.  I tell them to stay with a smile until the kids are grown.

I don’t accept any of the “…but what about my happiness?” rationalizations.  The answer is that children matter more than you, and you need to sacrifice and behave properly so that they have a better chance of making better choices in their lives.

Some things can’t be fixed, so don’t do them in the first place.  Consider my radio program a huge emotional and behavioral prophylactic, and take the lessons learned from the pain of others and make the right - even if uncomfortable - choices.

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

There are days you wake up tired; there are days you are distracted by work, plumbing, relatives; there are days during which minor or significant disasters occur (like the backing up of a toilet); there are those days during which you become reasonably upset by someone or something.  You get the picture.  Life happens and it impacts your moods and feelings.  Unfortunately, our culture has become enamored of “feelings” over responsibility, discipline, obligations, and common good sense.  We have come to revere feelings as the grand dictator of reality:  if you “feel” it, it makes it so.  If you “feel” your mother-in-law harbors negative thoughts, then you can retaliate, for example.

This is why I stop people dead in their tracks so often with “I didn’t ask you about your “feelings.”  I asked you about what actually occurred.”  We can talk about how you interpret what happened; we can talk about your ancient feelings and how they impact how you respond to today’s reality, but first, what actually happened??

Feelings are not rational - they have no IQ, and they are self-oriented, as they serve only the self without taking even the “feelings” of other people into account.  Feelings are primitive, and using them as the pivotal point for your reactions to the world is quite childlike.  It takes the maturity of evolving adulthood to temper feelings with the necessity of examining the world and others in it while being less emotional — sometimes, even bordering on dispassionate as you use your rational mind to assess the situation more concretely.

So, back to motivation.  One doesn’t have to feel like “it” to “do it.”  Having some hang-ups about being affectionate with your spouse because of unpleasant childhood experiences is totally self-centered and ultimately irrational since, unless you married that parent (literally or figuratively), your current spouse is being punished for the misdeeds of the prior generation.  And you are continuing the pain of your childhood all the way into your grave.  What is the answer?  It actually is quite simple:  do what is right, do what is healthy, do what is loving, do what is smart, and do what is compassionate.  That means show affection, even though you aren’t motivated.  Exercise every day, even though you don’t feel like it.  Clean your house, even though you don’t feel like it.  Do someone a difficult favor, even though you don’t feel like it.

To operate by feelings instead of compassion, discipline and responsibility is to abdicate being an adult.  It also makes you a slave to irrational, often self-defeating emotions, instead of the master of your destiny.  You are more human when you operate from nobility.  You are more adult when you operate from discipline.

So, dump the idea of “motivation,” and replace it with discipline and nobility, and then see how you feel!