Dr. Laura's Blog

Governor Sanford’s Wife Admits to Living a Lie

drlaura — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 08:00:47 +0000

Here’s the scenario: you are a young woman poised to be married to a man who informs you in no certain terms that fidelity is not going to be a quality of your marriage. You’re hurt and confused. You call Dr. Laura. You ask her opinion - should you marry this man? Dr. Laura says: “HAVE YOUR TUBES TIED. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT AS AN ADULT WOMAN TO MAKE ANY CHOICE YOU WOULD LIKE (STUPID AS IT MIGHT BE), BUT I BELIEVE YOU HAVE THE MORAL OBLIGATION TO NOT IMPOSE THAT UNSTABLE, UNHAPPY, POTENTIALLY VOLATILE SITUATION ON CHILDREN.”

This discussion between South Carolina’s first lady (and soon to be ex-wife of Governor Mark Sanford) and me never took place. She went ahead, married him, made children, crossed her fingers and her eyes, blinded herself, and now she and the children are in the public eye…embarrassed.

Jenny Sanford, in an interview with Barbara Walters (yeah, I know) admits knowing in advance, saying that not having a vow of fidelity bothered her to some extent, but “I got past it.”

She is now having her 15 minutes of infamy with a tell-all book, anguishing over the emails (which went public) where her husband talked about his lover’s body parts.

I think I’m more disgusted with what she is doing now - after colluding with the charade of a marriage - than in making this choice in the first place.

In general, why do women volunteer for this kind of situation?

* Optimism
* They think they’re special and he will be different with her
* They believe in romantic fantasies and that love will heal all
* Dependent loyalty
* Emotional attachment
* Embarrassment at admitting a mistake
* They believe there is money or power to be gained

Mrs. Sanford is embarrassing her children and herself, which is tacky and unclassy in my opinion.

Quote of the Week

drlaura — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:54:01 +0000

…I haven’t met a player or a coach whose goal isn’t to win the Super Bowl.
- Alvin Ray “Pete” Rozelle
Commissioner, National Football League (1960-1989)

CBS Does the Right Thing for Super Bowl XLIV

drlaura — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:44:07 +0000

I am so proud of the CBS Television Network. There’s been a ridiculous furor over a planned Super Bowl ad featuring college football star Tim Tebow, funded by Focus on the Family. It recounts the story of Pam Tebow’s pregnancy in 1987. After getting sick, she ignored doctors’ recommendations to abort her fifth child, and gave birth to Tim Tebow, who went on to win the 2007 Heisman Trophy and guide the Florida Gators to two BCS championships.

This should be an inspirational story for women. Not according to NOW (the National Organization of “I don’t know what kind of” Women), NARAL, and other organizations which support women killing the babies in their bodies if they wanna. These “feminista” types generally call themselves “pro-choice.” Well, it looks like they’re not too happy about the promotion of women who don’t make the choice to kill their baby.

When a woman’s inspirational story of making the choice to avoid an abortion to take the risk of giving birth to her child becomes controversial in a culture, that culture has degraded to a horrible point. It is frightening to me that NOT killing the baby in your body is controversial, but killing the baby in your body is not controversial.

Here’s my idea: let’s make an ad for the “pro-killing baby” feminista types. Show a brief clip of the baby being macerated and then shift focus to a happy woman who’s celebrating that death and her resulting freedom.

Then let’s make an ad for a woman who doesn’t want her baby who goes to term and gives the baby to a stable family - a married mom and dad — for adoption, and shift focus to a happy woman who’s celebrating that life and her freedom.

Then, let’s vote.

Petty Annoyances Are Exactly That - Petty!

drlaura — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 20:23:56 +0000

If you’re a frequent listener to my radio program, you’ve probably heard me say to someone seemingly immersed in a petty annoyance: “You must have a charmed and uncomplicated life to have the time and energy to be upset about something that’s ultimately so minuscule.”

Yeah, I know that sounds snarky, but the point is made. If your life is filled with the awe of the sky when the sun first comes up, scurrying to do some projects for charity, coming up with ideas to support a friend in emotional need, treating your spouse as though you adored every breath they take, having daily physical activity that makes you sweat and feel great afterwards, taking on a new challenge in a hobby or education at the local community college or adult extension, having a day a week you get together with buddies to play poker, make a quilt or whatever….when your life is filled in such expansive ways, then the quirky disappointments of family and friends will be shrugged off with a small smile and a lack of real concern.

Try activity instead of pouting or letting your anger simmer.

If I Could Afford Help, I’d Enjoy My Children More

drlaura — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 08:00:03 +0000

Some Moms get resentful when they see their friends and acquaintances “living the celebrity mom lifestyle,” where they have time to go to the gym and get their nails done, because they have some paid help with the kids. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that having more time for yourself necessarily gives your kids (and you) a better family life:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.

John Edwards’ Co-Conspirator in Betrayal

drlaura — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 21:41:17 +0000

By this time, you all know that former Presidential hopeful John Edwards is not longer hopeful about too much. According to press reports, Elizabeth Edwards has left him.

After the Clintons and many other high profile power couples’ personal issues with marital problems and affairs, I think we’re all pretty numbed and crass about it all.

This blog is not about affairs - it’s about another form of betrayal.

Andrew Young was a former aide of the Edwards’ who was personally intimate with them and a co-conspirator in John Edwards’ tacky affair and secrecy surrounding his illegitimate child. In fact, in addition to harboring the bimbo in his home, Andrew Young tried to take the credit for this baby to keep his boss in the limelight in a more positive way.

All of this has now hit the fan, and these three are no longer speaking. Andrew Young has written a “tell-all” book, “The Politician,” which goes on sale this week. He maligns Elizabeth and John and even goes so far as to say that they both conspired to use her cancer diagnosis to promote John’s campaign for President. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but it just sounds so disgusting that I can’t wrap my mind around it.

What a despicable character Andrew Young is! First, for benefitting from his relationship with the Edwards family (with privileges, opportunities, trust, bonding, financial compensation, power and friendship), and then making money by betraying their confidences when he was a definite co-conspirator in everything they did (which he now criticizes). People who do that are scum.

Years ago, Eddie Fisher also wrote a tell-all book about the women he was intimate with, including Debbie Reynolds and Elizabeth Taylor. Why they, or any of the other women, had anything to do with that toad is beyond me, but they did. He did a “kiss and tell” book. Disgusting. All to make a buck. He betrayed the tender confidences of women who once cared about him.

I ran into him while he was on his book tour, and we were both appearing on a television interview program. He dared to come up to me to cheerfully introduce himself. I cut him short, saying I knew who he was, and that he was a disgusting human being and obviously not a gentleman for the book he wrote and now was hawking. He looked stunned, and that made my moment! I turned my back on him and then slowly, deliberately walked away. He was trying to say something to me, but I just didn’t care.

Instead of buying Andrew Young’s book demonizing Elizabeth and John Edwards, spend that money on buying some good children’s books for your local school library.

Quote of the Week

drlaura — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:00:00 +0000

The joy of learning is as indispensable in study as breathing is in running.
               - Simone Weil
                  French philosopher and social activist
                  1909 - 1943

Why I Don’t Like Reality TV Shows

drlaura — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 08:00:09 +0000

Why don’t I like so-called “reality” or “actuality” TV shows? Because they’re mean.

They are intended to be mean, because “mean” is entertaining to some segments of the audience, and that scares me.

Throwing Christians to the lions and watching gladiators fight to the death used to be considered wonderful entertainment in ancient times. And while I’m not comparing actually killing someone with humiliating and demeaning them, there is a continuum here.

Christians and slaves didn’t volunteer to become fodder for death to those eating popcorn in the stands. The people on TV do volunteer to put themselves in situations which contribute to the demise of public taste, humane behavior, compassion and sensitivity. They humiliate themselves for attention and profit. That they volunteer for it doesn’t make doing it to them right. It just makes them terribly pathetic.

When people go on an “American Idol“-like program in the hopes of being discovered for their talents, a simple “winning” or “losing” seems sufficient to me. However, having judges who become popular by hurling horrendously insulting comments seems to be the real motivation for these programs. Hurting people in front of others is an egregious act. Televising it, or making money off of sponsors who support it, so that people at home can feel superior and powerful (because they’re not the ones being attacked) is purely disgusting.

These shows bring out the worst in people. Martians watching our entertainment media would probably choose not to come to our planet, or else just wipe us off the face of the galaxy, because of how humanity displays itself on television (much less the Internet and the United Nations).

No one is ashamed anymore. They pass it off as giving the audience what it wants. “It’s only TV,” or “it’s only a way to make a living,” they say.

Sad.

Apologizing Long After the Offense

drlaura — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:00:19 +0000

Lately, I’ve been asked quite often by callers if it is “okay” to apologize to someone for a wrongdoing even years after the offense. I can understand why that question might be asked. It can feel a bit embarrassing to have to face someone and face up to what you’ve done. It is worrisome that they might not be gracious about your apology. It is possible that they might “lay into you.” It may be that they say “You caused me so much grief and pain that I can’t forgive you.” They might not even be willing to talk to you. Or, they might say, with tears, “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

It IS a big risk to take. But the most valued things in life do come with a big risk attached. That’s part of what gives them value.

You must remember, however, that whatever their response might be, you are doing the apology not to wipe the slate clean (damage is damage, and some never goes away), but because true repentance requires that you do what it takes to repair the damage. That includes the sincere…sincere…apology. None of that “if you were hurt, then I’m sorry” nonsense. That is pure annoyance!

So, if you truly have remorse (and are not just trying to manipulate someone into a situation which benefits you), then apologize…anytime…and tolerate their first and maybe second unpleasant reaction.

Seeds take time to germinate, and coping with an apology means the whole thing is brought up again in their minds. Be patient and understanding. While they may never forgive you, know that you still did the right thing.

My Husband Won’t Change Clothes and I’m Worried

drlaura — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 08:00:20 +0000

After he retired, a listener’s husband started to take less and less interest in grooming. In fact, he won’t even let her wash some of his clothes. Something’s amiss, and it could be serious:

Or watch other videos at youtube.com/DrLaura.

Read transcript here.