Tag Archives: Gender

Kids Lose When Parents Play Favorites

Favoritism exists throughout the animal kingdom.  Most species nurture the strongest of their offspring, which have the most promise of propagating their genetics into the future.  The wussy and wimpy ones, on the other hand, usually get eaten.  So when it comes to humans, it makes sense biologically that parents play favorites amongst their children.

Parents are drawn to kids who are more pleasant and affectionate, and less aggressive and deviant. For example, let’s say you have twin babies. One screams 24/7 and the other coos sweetly in your arms.  Well guess what? The screaming one is toast.

Parents also tend to feel closer to children of the same gender and personality type, and favor their biological kids over stepchildren.  In addition, parents usually have a soft spot for their first- and lastborn (at some point, the first- and lastborn have their parents all to themselves).  Generally speaking, it’s the firstborns who get all the perks due to the emotional and physical investment that goes into having the first baby.

Favoritism manifests itself in how much time, affection, privilege, or discipline you give one child compared to another.  The problem is that kids who are blatantly disfavored by their parents experience terrible outcomes across the board: more depression, greater aggressiveness, lower self-esteem, and poorer academic performance.  On the opposite side of the coin, children who are favored tend to develop a sense of arrogance and entitlement, which makes them terribly disliked by their siblings and totally unprepared for the real world.

So, how can a parent avoid showing favoritism?

1. When one kid is looking for a leg up, pick up everybody’s leg.

The irony is that every kid wants to feel like they’re different and special in their own way.  Your job is to do that without making them compete with each other.  When one of your kids asks, “Am I the best swimmer in the family?,” respond by saying, “I think you’re the best swimmer, and George is the best baseball player, and Mary is the best painter,” etc.  That way, each of your children has the mentality that he or she is the best, but so are their siblings.  There’s no favoritism shown because everybody’s the best at something.  Try to divvy out your love and affection equally, but continue highlighting each child’s uniqueness.

2. It’s not personal – it’s situational.

  • If you have a new baby at home, explain to your older child, “Your brother is a newborn. He can’t roll over or even scratch his butt – he can’t do anything.  So for a while, it’s going to look like we’re paying more attention to him, but you can scratch your butt and he can’t.”  Your older child will think this is hilarious, and they’ll get the picture (and wait for the day that their brother’s hand reaches behind his back…)
  • If one of your children is physically ill or disabled, inevitably there is going to be unequal treatment.  Make it clear to your other kids that you are not choosing the disabled child over them, but that their sibling’s condition simply requires more attention.  Reassure your other kids that it’s not personal – it’s just situational.

Denying Gender Differences

In 2005, Lawrence H. Summers resigned as president of Harvard University.  That announcement came a week before a “no confidence” vote by the Harvard faculty was expected.  Why?  The answer is simple:  activist groups in general, and feminist groups in particular, don’t accept facts when they oppose their agenda.

Dr. Summers discussed human gender differences in an academic conference.  He suggested that innate gender differences between the sexes might explain the few women in science and math.  The response to his factually based comment was akin to the apocalypse!

Summers was replaced by Drew Faust (the Women’s Studies Department head, and a feminist, of course).  $50 million was dedicated to promote “women only” affirmative action in science, technical, and engineering departments.  In the name of gender equality and political correctness, we aim to destroy the scientific base of America!

There are basic facts that agendas cannot eliminate…but they can bury.  Fact:  Men are represented at the top and the bottom of the IQ curve.  Greater male variance is seen throughout the animal kingdom.  That means that when you draw the IQ “bell curve” from low to high, more men than women appear at the genius level and at the lowest levels.  Females predominate at the “average” performance of grade average in general, but males predominate in the highest percentiles of grade performance as well as the lowest.

Feminists, desiring desperately to avoid these facts, seek to remove males from employment in the upper-performance range in science, math, and engineering in colleges, which ultimately results in the removal of the upper-performing males, and down the tubes goes American technical strength.

That there are male and female differences in brains and abilities has been a known scientific fact…forever!  I taught about this at the University of Southern California in the Department of Biological Sciences.  I always added the caveat that an individual should be free to utilize his or her true abilities, regardless of gender.

CBS News Medical Correspondent Dr. Jennifer Ashton explained last week that “There appears to be a difference in the size of the brain when you compare men versus women; we’re talking about the anatomy here.  Obviously, male brains tend to be larger, because men tend to be, but within the brain, certain structures, and parts of the anatomy, some are bigger in women and some are bigger in men.  So, for example, in male brains, men have six and a half times more gray matter than women do.  Gray matter is partly responsible for information processing, so that may explain in general men tending to be better in math.  But women have as much as ten times the white matter – the part of the brain that’s partially responsible for connecting information processing centers.  This could contribute to why women are such good multi-taskers.  We know that women are more prone to depression, and  men tend to be more affected by things like attention-deficit disorder and schizophrenia.”

The denial of the male/female differences, the tyranny of feminism, has resulted in the sexual revolution (casual sex, casual abortions), fatherless families, children being raised in “day orphanages” (my term for day care) instead of by a mommy and a daddy, and destructive mandates like Title IX. 

I suggest you read “Taking Sex Differences Seriously,” by Steven E. Rhoads, who has taught public policy at the University of Virginia for over thirty years.

I would also suggest you read “Who Stole Feminism?” by Christina Hoff Sommers, as well as her “The War Against Boys.”

Neither men nor women are happier apart or together since feminism took hold in our society.  The ongoing response I’ve had to “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” proved this point as thousands of women wrote to tell me that they understood their power as women, appreciate their femininity, and have found tremendous happiness being their husband’s girlfriend instead of persistently disgusted wife.  Women have been discovering for several decades that “having it all” simultaneously is the quick road to an emotional implosion.

Dr. Summers was railroaded out of the presidency of one of the most hallowed halls of learning in America because he dared to state facts that an activist group with a generally liberal mentality simply did not want to hear.  Remember the movie “Planet of the Apes?”  Human beings had destroyed the earth with nuclear war, and apes survived and evolved while the leftover humans became their slaves.  The most educated of the apes – scientists and politicians – did not want the apes to know that MAN was here first.  Any more advanced humans were silenced.

Does that sound familiar?