Tag Archives: Hooking up

Feminism: The Best Thing to Ever Happen to Young Males

Feminism initially started off as a good thing. A woman with equal ability should have the same opportunities as a man.  She shouldn’t be given a leg up or down because of her gender – it should all be based on ability.

However, what feminism evolved into was women hooking up, disdaining men, and deciding not to raise their own children.  Women began taking less interest in their homes, husbands, and kids, and what resulted was very destructive to both men and women.

First off, boys started growing up to be “males” instead of “men.”  The best thing to ever happen to young males was feminism because it saved them a lot of money paying for whores.  With all the hooking up and casual sex that goes on these days, most girls act like whores – they just don’t get paid for it.  And what guy wants to lay down his life for some skank who has been with 18 guys?  What for? He doesn’t see her as motherhood and apple pie, he sees her as a skank.  This is why young males stand by and watch when girls are molested and raped – it’s entertainment to them.

In addition, feminism encouraged mothers to neglect their kids.  I think it’s wonderful for a woman to go through medical school and save a lot of lives, but she shouldn’t have kids.  We shouldn’t dump kids by the wayside so we can pursue a career.  No nanny or day care can take the place of a mother’s arms.

What began as a noble cause has emasculated and effeminized our culture to a disgraceful level.  As parents, we need to place more value on teaching kids to be ladies and gentleman again – and fast.

Hey Baby, What’s Your Credit Score?

I believe the answer to having a happy, long-lasting marriage is relatively simple:

First, no two people between the ages of 20 and 40 should date without having met each other’s families.  The man especially should meet the girl’s family and convince her father (hopefully there is one in the house) that he is a worthy competitor for his daughter’s hand.  Young women these days are far too immodest and free with their minds, bodies, and souls to have good sense about what they’re doing.  We don’t call it being slutty anymore – we call it “hooking up.”  We ought to go back to the days where a young man had to convince a girl’s family that he was worthy to court their daughter.

Second, all couples should spend six months in premarital counseling before they tie the knot.  Roughly 20 percent of people who go through premarital counseling realize they’re not a match, and the other 80 percent enjoy better marriages.

What it really comes down to is choosing wisely.  If you’re not being treated well two years into the courtship, you should hit the eject button.

There are many factors to choosing wisely.  Men, for example, need to discern whether or not a woman is going to take care of their babies (i.e. suckling them at her breast and not farming out motherhood to a nanny or day care center).  However, one quality that is constantly overlooked by both men and women is their date’s credit score.

Credit (especially for men but also for women) is an important attribute.  There are now sites such as creditscoredating.com and datemycreditscore.com which help people make sure they’re connecting with somebody who isn’t in debt or irresponsible with money.  This is especially important for young people who may bring tens of thousands of dollars in student debt to a relationship.

The New York Times recently interviewed more than 50 daters under 40 from around the country and found that many of them regarded a good credit score as a prerequisite for a good date.  No kidding.  What is the point of being with someone who is totally irresponsible with money and can’t support a family?

As the Times reported, “It’s a shorthand way to get a sense of someone’s financial past the same way an S.T.D. test gives some information about a person’s sexual past.”  Some people may think this vetting process goes too far, but I disagree.  According to an article in Time magazine:

“Landlords and lenders may look at your credit score to help determine if you are worth taking a chance on.  Even employers may do a credit check on you.  Why not a prospective mate?  How you handle money says a lot about your ability to be organized and responsible.  Why would anyone with options risk falling for someone likely to bring heavy debt and poor spending and saving habits to a [marriage]?”

I’m thunderstruck at how many women call my program with some variation of, “We’ve been dating for two years, but he never has any money because he spends it all on (fill in the blank).”  I mean please.  Too few women show any sense these days.  That’s why I think marriages should be arranged again.  I know it sounds terribly insulting, but it’s true.  The divorce rate would plummet.

If you have poor credit, read this Time article for tips on how to improve it.

Relationships Make You Grow

Hooking up, shacking up, or having sex with someone within 20 minutes of meeting them does nothing to help you grow.  These types of behaviors stifle you and set you back.  Only relationships help you grow. 

A healthy relationship means choosing wisely and treating kindly.  I’m not saying it has to be perfect – that’s never the case.  However, in a good relationship, you and your partner have each other’s interests at heart, and you each feel like you are changing for the better.  You feel very secure, and it allows you to relax.

It’s amazing how much better your mind and body work when you have some level of peace and a sense of security.   I can’t tell you how many times people have called my show saying that they feel they’re lacking in some area for one reason or another, and I ask them, “So, are you saying that your husband/wife is stupid?  Because they seem to think you’re nice, attractive, talented, and interesting.”   A big reason relationships help you grow is because your partner usually sees something objectively that has been hard for you to accept emotionally.   It’s not unusual for you to start rejecting your distorted, self-critical perception of yourself when your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend, who you admire tremendously and love, sees you more positively than you see yourself. 

There was one woman who I had in therapy a while back who went through this very process.  When she came to me, she was the stereotypical dumb blonde.  She had overly bleached hair, huge boobs, and a dingy way of speaking.  Then one day when we were talking in a session, she started to analyze something quite intelligently and articulately.   I just sat there with my eyes opened wide like a kid in a candy store for the first time.  I realized that behind this dumb blonde shtick was a very smart woman.  After gently nudging her for a while, I got her to start attending community college.   She would bring me papers she’d written for her philosophy class, and I remember reading them thinking, “Wow, I could never have written this. It’s brilliant!”  She went on to graduate, and she now has an esteemed position.  I am very proud of her.   

For this woman, the turning point was simply me believing in her. She had come from a very disruptive and destructive family, and she had been into every drug known to man (it’s a miracle she was still alive).  However, because I believed in her, she decided to believe in herself.  The same goes for intimate relationships.  When you are in a quality relationship and your dearly beloved believes in you, you believe in yourself.

Relationships also help you become a better person because your partner introduces you to new things.  They’ve probably had a million different experiences you haven’t.  Generally speaking, you get introduced to terrific things and expand your attributes and talents.  You learn to do sports or hobbies you would have never thought of doing, like watching science fiction movies or going whitewater rafting. 

In addition, your partner’s good habits will rub off on you.  Whether it’s their ability to cope emotionally, their physical fitness level, their commitment to eating right, their knack for managing finances, or their choice of friends, you can benefit from their good habits.  This happens a lot in marriages.   For example, if one spouse is more hyper than the other, the hyper one will become more calm and collected, and the more sedated one will become more energized.  They offer each other their positive parts and end up creating a nice mix if they are open and supportive of each other.

Another benefit of being in a relationship is that you are encouraged to be yourself and expand who you are.  If you love to sing but have anxiety about performing, your partner can encourage you to take some lessons or sing at the local restaurant on Wednesday nights.  If singing is how you love to express yourself, your beloved will encourage you. 

That’s another reason why relationships are great: you and your partner are there to support each other.  Be it emotional support (being their cheering section), physiological support (giving them a hug), or financial support (working extra hours so they can have the money to do something), it’s all about helping each other out.  When you’ve had a bad day, there’s nothing like coming home to a hug (*note: no matter how bad you are feeling, make sure you give your spouse a hug when he or she comes home after they’ve had a bad day). 

A final way relationships help you grow is that you are held accountable for your behavior.  For example, women, in particular, like to talk negativity.   We spend a lot of time expecting the men in our lives to sit and listen to us bitch and moan about what has hurt and upset us.  Guys can hear it once, and then they want to fix it.  They don’t want to keep hearing about the same drama with your mother or sister over and over again (guys, the same goes for repeating the “I’m angry with my boss” story every day).  You are going to be held accountable by your partner because they won’t tolerate certain constant behaviors like this.  It’s a good thing when your partner draws the line and says, “Enough of this!,” because it ultimately makes you a better person.

As Jack Nicholson said in the film, As Good As It Gets, “You make me want to be a better man.”  That’s the whole point of relationships – they help make you a better man (or woman). 

 

Fake vs. Real Love – A ‘Chemistry’ Lesson

In today’s world, you meet someone, you text, you think they’re the greatest thing in the world, you have sex, and it’s over.  You don’t even bother to get to know them – it’s just, “Hello. Do you have 15 minutes?  Let’s hook up.”  The romance of actually trying to build a relationship is not much in season.  Of course, there are shack-ups, but those are really just fake relationships. 

I want to talk about the difference between real love and the fake stuff.   Fake love is the immediate chemistry.  We all know what that is – the chemical rush of horniness that can last from three weeks to a year and a half and then “Poof!” it’s gone.  It’s a little different for males than females because they are each biologically focused on different things.  Males are focused on their sperm taking over the world one female at a time.  Females, on the other hand, are biologically concerned with safety, security, and being provided for so their babies will be safe.  Although the biological system in human beings can be somewhat overridden, chemistry for a male is still a) she’s a hot babe, and b) I’m going to look hot walking around with her.  It’s initially superficial, and it lasts longer the younger the male is.  For the female, a male’s attractiveness is semi-irrelevant (I mean, “piggy dirty” is not acceptable, but other than that, she doesn’t care).  She just wants to see if he can take care of her.

Men are perfectly capable of engaging in sex without emotional bonds.  That’s why prostitutes have always existed.  Today, a lot of women are behaving like that, and it’s one of the many reasons why female depression is so high.  “Just having fun” leaves a lot of women feeling used up and lonely.  They engage in multiple meaningless situations of physicality, which don’t make anybody – men or women – feel better.  It takes time to develop a relationship, and a lot of you folks aren’t doing that.  You are just trying to get some physical and emotional needs met.  The problem with that is there’s no giving involved – the cornerstone of a real relationship. 

The onset of real love and fake love can feel very similar.  It’s obsessive – you can’t think about anything else, and you might lose weight, sleep, or time.  However, when it’s fake love, you are both only projecting fantasies and assuming things about each other.  You can’t see future problems because you are both idealizing all of each other’s qualities and insisting that the other person is the best you’ve ever met.  However, you haven’t actually “met” them.  You are only seeing an idealized version of that person. 

That is why courting is so important.  It’s how you learn more about a person other than just, “She’s beautiful and a bombshell in bed.”  You have to let the dust settle.  Until that happens, you really have no idea if you’re right for each other.

When two people immediately start planning for the future within weeks of meeting, it’s a sign that they don’t know a damn thing about each other.  I’ve always told women that if a guy is proposing that quickly, it isn’t because he loves them.  Real love evolves into (and I know this word is going freak some people out) service.  You see, fake love is all about how the other person makes you feel.  Real love is about your commitment to making someone else feel good.  Real love involves two people focusing on the needs of each other and doing loving acts over and over again without anyone keeping score.  That’s why fake love ends up being such a bummer and a letdown – you hit a wall because all you’re thinking about is how you feel.   

Now, just because fake love is largely about physicality doesn’t mean it’s unimportant to real love, especially in the case of men.  I find it really annoying when women call my show saying they’ve gained between 30 and 50 lbs and still expect their husbands to love them exactly the same.  Your husband may have deep feelings of caring and commitment toward you, but it doesn’t change the fact that your blubber is not a turn-on.  If you would have asked him, “What would you think if I gained a lot of weight,” I guarantee you that his answer would have been, “I want you to be fit and nice-looking like you are now.”  Women get all mad and upset when I tell them that because they think, “If he loved me, he wouldn’t say something so hurtful.”  Come on!  All he’s doing is telling you the damn truth.  As a spouse, taking good care of yourself and being healthy are very important.  Chemistry still matters later on, and a lot of it has to do with how you look to your spouse.  

On another note, what happens when you don’t have chemistry with someone?

Well, some people hang around for a while to see if the chemistry will evolve.  I’m not a big believer in that.  I think there are probably some circumstances where that does happen, but beating your head against the wall to make it happen is probably not a good plan.  When you hear about two long-time friends who start feeling sexy about each other one day, that is not really chemistry developing – it’s just chemistry they weren’t aware of that is now coming forth.  In my opinion, the chemistry was probably there from day one, but their brains were not functioning on that level. 

If you have persisted and still don’t feel chemistry, don’t try to force things.  It isn’t fair to you or your potential partner to do that.   You can’t manufacture or counterfeit passion, and there is no substitute for chemistry.  Give each romantic experiment a good try, but don’t wait forever.  If nothing happens, you have to move on.